Strange situation on the train with parent

I didn't say you couldn't judge anyone's behaviour. Feel free to judge.

All I did was offer an explanation as to why someone might eat that way. I haven't defended the Dad and I have already said there is no way I would have reacted that way.

@LilacRobin

So, I assumed your friend was male, so what! Maybe I should have written THEY, and avoided misgendering.

It is mostly men and men in training like the kid the Op described.

Judging their behaviour will restore society and will help everyone, particularly women.

We can't face up to these shits on a train, while everyone else looks away or thinks they mustn't judge because it might just be a snapshot.

We can't do that and that is why we as women particularly need most people join in with the judging.

A whole carriage judging against one fuckwit is what we need,

I find it interesting you have assumed the person I described is a man. They are actually a women and wouldn't do any of the other things you have listed.

I do not think what the man did was right. I just wanted to offer a different perspective on why someone might be eating like this. The OP has mentioned the post is more about the man's behaviour though.

Some other posters have said that the dad might be fed up of the judging, which I understand as I don't like the person close to me being judged for something they can't help. However, I wouldn't have reacted the same way he did and I think he was very rude.

Free = tree

Of course l can think of plenty of excuses! They both sound grim as each other. His child’s poor behaviour doesn’t give him the right to behave as poorly. But the apple doesn’t fall from the free l suppose

Ok but I would feel quite sick to see an open mouth masticating.

If your son cannot, really physically cannot, eat with his mouth closed then is it necessary for him to hit in public, a few feet away from someone who may feel sick at seeing swirling food making its way down his throat.

If it is necessary, do you think that you could say to the unfortunate witnessing this something along the lines of, "sorry about this, My son can't help it."

And if you don't think you should, that it is just tough shit for anyone who is witness to it, why? Why should your son be able to do this but it is wrong for anyone else to give a funny look.

It cuts both ways. Your son can't help it you say. Ok. Well then , at least have the courtesy to acknowledge that it isn't pleasant for others to watch.

Most people will appreciate that and then try to hide their disgust and save it for those oiks who deserve it.

That sounds terrible for your friend but I'm quite sure he wouldn't have eaten with such glee as the OP has described in the two morons she met.

Not judging, not saying anything, favours anti social types. We've all been trained not to judge and that is why they get away with it-they know decent people dare not say anything.

I think that attitude is changing though but there is a lot to be done-the unmannerly, undisciplined, lot have the upper hand right now and have reduced society to shite.

They eat with their mouths open; they swear loudly; they drop litter; they belch loudly; they ignore the rules of the road; they use their 'phones as if they were at home; they put feet on seats; they piss in the street; they wear trousers with their arses showing; they leer and a hundred other things.

We sit silently for we must not judge but we should start again. Judge and shame. These are not dirty words. They are words that hold the values of society together and make it safer and more pleasant.

Hooray for judging and if we judge together, they will get back in their box.

Judged, and rightly so. That is disgusting behaviour and a kid of this age should know to keep his mouth shut when he is eating. It's a real problem for people with misophonia, and eating noises are the most common trigger.

Even those who don't suffer from this do not, generally, like to listen to sloppy eaters.

I have a son who has always eaten with his mouth open. He's autistic. Maybe the dad is just tired of the funny looks.

You can't think of any reason a parent might "let" a 12yo eat like that, and then strike out because people stare? Lucky you.

It’s gross. I’ve got up moved before because of people eating sweets like this. The dad should have said something regardless of you staring. The fact that he did the same to intimidate you just says a lot about the family.

Literally this. Why let a 12 year old eat like that?! I remind my 2 year olds not to do that

"I would never try and make anyone feel uncomfortable, but if you were staring at my child think about how uncomfortable that makes us feel to."

As the parent of a disabled teenager that is my view too.

Yea I think you are both right. No one is covered in glory in this situation. Don’t stare at children, don’t chew with your mouth open.

I wouldn’t have found this intimidating and just because it’s a man doesnt make it so. I would have found it childish and pathetic and probably laughed at him and closed my eyes after.

Gross. And what a sad man for enjoying a smidgen of power over a woman he doesn’t even know.

Maybe he thought you were intimidating the child by staring?

My grandson used to eat with his mouth open. It turned out he had blocked nasal cavities but this wasn't discovered until he was 13. It could be something like this.

I’m not loving the ‘he might have SEN’ posts here. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, children with additional needs can still be parented, they just need different approaches.

It wasn’t called that when I was growing up but I was a SEN child, so was my partner, and my mother long before that. We were all raised with the same manners, rules and expectations of any other child, with some allowances for our differences. LO is suspected autistic too and still gets parented almost the same way, with more modern understanding, and she is a very capable 4 year old.

When working with children with SEN I have noticed a big difference in the children that have positive parental involvement and high expectations vs the ones whose parents have low expectations of their children. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy in some cases in my opinion. I have worked with kids with high support needs that have been taught clear routines, rules and social skills and are able to function independently so much better than those who haven’t, that might have much lower support needs.

Obviously we don’t know anything about this specific child, he could of course have SEN that means he can’t understand closing his mouth to eat, he could have a problem with his jaw that makes it difficult or even just a really stuffy nose. It’s just in general I see people, usually people with children that don’t have SEN, having such low expectations of these kids that are capable of so much.

TLDR: The majority of children with SEN are perfectly capable of learning table manners with time and a gentle approach. Saying ‘maybe they have SEN’ as an excuse for horrible parenting puts children with additional needs on a back foot and lowers the general expectation of what they can do. Sorry for the rant 😅.

I feel sorry for the kid. Lots of posters making nasty assumptions. A kid was eating loudly in public, wow, who cares!? Are you so sensitive and intolerant that you can't handle that, in the grand scheme?

Maybe you need your parents to remind you how to behave, because judging and staring at people is rude.

Nose picking teenagers in a classroom @RhaenysRocks always received the same response, “Name, take your trotter out of your snout.” There was never any comeback.

But even if this was the case either ignoring you because they don’t feel the need to explain, or saying “he has SEN, can you please stop staring” would’ve been more appropriate than the weirdo reaction from the dad.

You met a dickhead on a train. At least you could walk away. Disgusting.

Agreed - the two situations are not comparable. The PP was entitled to be aggrieved on her DGD behalf as an adult was judging her body.

In the OP’s situation, she was made uncomfortable by anti-social behaviour. She wasnt judging anyone for eating sweets.

I dont know if men’s behaviour is getting worse or im getting less tolerant. But every time i go on a train, there is a man coughing/snottering/sneezing over his fellow passengers. I find it disgusting and you bet I show it on my face!

I would have chuckled at that behaviour and then buried my face in a book or phone. Even if I felt awkward or intimidated I wouldn’t show it.

I‘m sorry this happened to you OP, some people are just antisocial.