Strange situation on the train with parent

My highly autistic little cousin chewed like this until well into his teens. Never judge a book by its cover.

No one can tell you on here what happened, even you aren’t sure and you were there! At face value he was incredibly rude and confrontation. It’s not a massive stretch to think that you stared at a child that could have been younger than 12 (I think that matters) for a little too long. The child may be ASD and if someone stared at my son and made him feel uncomfortable for existing I would most likely be passive aggressive like the man or I would ask them not to stare. That said, I do remind my son to close his mouth, wipe his nose etc as I’m aware it’s unpleasant for others to witness. But my son has some understanding, perhaps this child doesn’t? Should they never eat in a public place again? You get my drift. my son never wipes his mouth after he’s eaten without being prompted. He had just eaten a slice of chocolate cake whist out with family and a family member asked him to wipe his mouth. He had literally not swallowed the last mouthful! He said ‘no’ to them! Ordinarily I would have stepped in and given him an ultimatum or gone and wiped it myself but I was so annoyed at their obvious disgust. That day I left it chocolatey. Sometimes us parents of SEN children are just a bit fucked off at life and judgement and act a bit cunty. I’m not proud but it stops the suicidal thoughts. It could be that.

Oh good grief, not pop tarts... Crispy pancakes. 😁

Satire is funny.

Why don’t you throw the race card in as well while you’re at it?

It's satire, hun.

You could have asked for a sweet and then joined in

Narcissistic injury by proxy. Instead of accepting their kid made a mistake and correcting the kid, the dad was triggered into a “how dare you even think critical things about my child, you’re the problem” mentality. And one he’s mentally framed you as the problem, anything he does towards you is justified in his head.

You are not being unreasonable at all.
However I would say that as the parent of a now 23 year old Autistic DC, it can be absolutely soul destroying when people don't get it.
DC has always been a messy eater and eats in a very undignified way, very quickly and always, ALWAYS has food all around their mouth after a meal.
Other, DC who is a young teen constantly expresses how gross and disgusting older DC's eating habits are while I constantly have to remind them to please close their mouth while chewing, wipe their mouth after eating and to please be aware that others find certain eating habits unpleasant. It just doesn't go in and I doubt it ever will!
You got a snapshot of their life. Perhaps someone else had said something earlier. Perhaps the dad sees similar reactions to his son all the time and felt a wave of protectiveness.
Either way, while I totally get how passive aggressive and intimidating this must have been, it was a dad who clearly cares for his child defending that child. Honestly I'd let it go.

Don't look at others. Read a book.

When all you had to do was either be nice, and smile or not stare.

Why not be nice. Life will be easier.

What the heck? Are you being serious? Don't give kids sweets on a trip out just incase the upset you, a grown adult??

Honestly the amount of hard graft and sweat and danger it takes to do my job (and often be a SEN parent) getting the child out to that point (often something even their parent is unable to do) is a bloody miracle. And if it's not the sweet it will be something that is annoying someone. The noise, some drool, their appearance.
There are not enough support workers willing to do my job and with attitudes like yours eventually there will be none. Then there will be no respite for parents and no community engagement for the children, which will probably make some ignorant adults that are sticklers for "manners" happy.

Then maybe don’t give them sweets when they’re directly facing strangers if they’re going to eat them unpleasantly?

I would have made a grossed out face and got up and moved tbh.

I work with SEN children and sometimes that involves taking them out in public. I've had all sorts of dirty looks thrown at me and the children. They don't always look like they have a disability, I suppose. But still. Me demanding they eat with their mouth closed to a lot of them would result in confusion at best at a massive meltdown at worst. Maybe if I was having a bad day I would've done what the man did in the hopes it would encourage Miss Judgeyface to keep her comments to herself. Me keeping them still and quiet out in public is a massive deal.
Maybe he was a dick, maybe he was trying his best.

This. You have no idea why the child ate like that. Judging and staring are not appropriate for any child. Just look away.

I would have got up and left. Disgusting!
Edited to add, I take Loop earplugs with me everywhere, especially on public transport!

He was and so he should be .the child has disgusting manners and the father is worse than the child
Honestly i couldnt cope with that , noisy loud eaters give me rage
I was stood next to a grown man slapping his chops while chewing gum as loudly as possible all while having a conversation with his wife who didnt say a thing the other day
I had to move away

But @Globules-you are the rude one. You brazenly declared that you would act as the man on the train and there is no justification for that...none.

If you think people are being judgemental of your autistic boy, then that is because they don't know he is autistic. Most of us are not Mystic Meg.

However, you know he is and if you don't want people-who don't have this knowledge-not to think he is a rude child, then it is up to you to politely tell them.

Most people will sympathise and stop judging him.

However if, as you declare, you would do the same thing as the oaf on the train rather than do that simple polite act, then people will judge you both. They will judge you to be an ignorant twat and you will have to ask yourself honestly...are they wrong.

Why choose to act like an ignorant twat rather than a simple, "my boy is autistic and can't help...whatever he is doing."

Don't be a twit. Tell people that your boy has special needs if he is behaving in a way to upset other people-you will find most people will no longer judge.

Don't sit there like a stuffed owl, hugging that knowledge to yourself and waiting, waiting for a chance to show that you can behave like an oaf by copying the actions of a child who cannot help them.

The man's a dick, don't get me wrong. The only caveat, is there might be a reason the child is eating like that and his dad might be sick of the looks. I only say that because ds has autism and dyspraxia, the combo makes eating with his mouth shut hard (awareness of social Norms plus just the physical coordination) we always tell him, and mostly he's on top of it, but there are some odd other stuff he does that we let go that people notice and stare at (he'll keep his hat, scarf and coat on in a restaurant, or read a book at our table or have ear defenders on). Sometimes as a parent of a send child you just get sick of the weird looks and stares. Yes, in an ideal world it wouldn't be happening but you do sometimes let things slide because otherwise life would be permanently nagging a child who can't complete the action correctly anyway and they've tried really hard at every other part of life that day.

Totally not saying that happened, but it might have, and I'd never respond the way the dad did - horrible behaviour by him. But I have once said to someone (in a supermarket, hit my child with a trolley and my child didn't say anything because of his autism - and, separate point but why should he as he was hit, anyway!) "for god sake he's disabled and it was your fault" and the man went muttering off about parents and kids as bad as each other and i felt awful. Sometimes after a long day of life being hard as a send parent these things happen because you know people are constantly judging without prior knowledge of the whole heap of extra parenting you're doing and you snap.

Might be that, might be he's a tw*t for no reason. Who knows.

Could the child have SEN op ?
Dosent excuse the dads behaviour who's a bit of a tit but could be a response to constant judgey looks .

I would have felt a bit freaked out and intimidated by that too OP.
Perhaps the child has additional needs or some physical disability? Regardless, no need for the adult to behave that way.
I suppose IF it was due to additional needs, parents probably get exhausted by feeling they need to explain or apologise for all their child’s behaviours, behaviours that they can’t control. But the answer is not to behave like a child and go around intimidating people. After all, are we to assume that everyone who behaves oddly or rudely has additional needs? A slightly prolonged look could be out of curiosity as much as anything else. He should have just got on with his day, or, if he felt he needed to say anything, say something like ‘sorry folks, he can’t help it’ or a good humoured ‘we’re working on eating with our mouths closed’.

I only said today, when did people become so slobby
table manners, even the basics, putting cutlery together on plate, saying please, thank you, even looking tidy, what’s with dry robes in a city , dirty grey track suit bottoms
moan over