To not invite my son?

He shouldn't be staying at your house and only taking his son out. Your son will be there and feel left out. Tell him not to stay at your house. It's not just him and his son is it as he's staying with you and your son. Convenience is not the point.

But does it work both ways? I assume if the OPs son was going she would be happy for the BF to stay and take them both, but seeing as the OPs son is not going there is an issue with him staying?

it all seems very transactional

A better idea get her sons own dad to take him to a football match or she take him.

I think you are being unreasonable with your son not being invited. I wouldn't be mad if I had a partner who was having a day with his own son & dad without my child. But I think its unreasonable for your partner to decide he is staying at yours the night before because it is more convenient for his plans.

He does not want to parent your child, even for a short time like a football match.

He may not actually like your son.

Don't let the grandfather now being invited confuse the issue for you ( gf is family no matter how little contact they have )

I think you're right, OP. It's poor form for your partner to think he can use your home as a base for an outing for his son (and now his dad) without asking you if that's ok. He should absolutely have factored consideration for your son (and you) into his proposed plans. And they should only have been proposed plans - this is your home. I'd say no to this.

My partner says I’m being crazy and anyone else that heard that I’m upset at this would think im crazy too.

Biggest red flag ever. I’d end any relationship with a so called man that called me crazy.

you’re being a teensy bit unreasonable to expect a man to respect you & your property 🙄😆
But really you are not being unreasonable in the actuality of this whole scenario.
Im worried for you Sophie198643, he cannot tell you you’re crazy, please watch out.

This!

Sounds like he’s taking the pee by staying at yours when your son might be upset. Also massive red flag for me that he’s calling you crazy for disagreeing, without trying to see where you’re coming from.

Him going to the football with just his son is fine and important for them to spend time together. Them staying at your house afterwards is thoughtless on his part and not nice for your son.

Totally fine for your partner to go to football with his son. He only sees him half the week. They don't need to include your son

A discussion should have been had with you about them staying over.

If you want you son to go to football get yourself and your son tickets and go with partner

I’m with pp’s whilst it’s fine for him to take son / dad to football it’s not fine for him to stay at yours whilst excluding your son. I would ask him to stay elsewhere as your son might not like it.

Yes, I agree

But staying with the OP and it being really obvious to her son isn't on.

Let them go happily, but they don't stay at yours, especially after My partner says I’m being crazy and anyone else that heard that I’m upset at this would think im crazy too. Advice welcome please - Point out you're not a hotel

He's using you. Tell him they can't stay at yours as you want some time just you and your son.

Yeah this is the weird bit for me!

Fine for him to have a day out with his son and dad, although of course it would be nice to invite your son along as well. Rude and weird to TELL you his son is staying over and I think you'd be well within your rights to say no, it's not fair for you to stay over and then all go out together on a fun outing my son isn't invited to - either stay at yours and drive a bit longer to get to the game or take my son as well. He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it!

Tricky one, do you spend time doing something just you and your son?

When mine were younger I used to enjoy every now and again doing things with them on my own which became a bone of contention with my partner. So i ended up dragging DSC along with me. It used to cost me twice as much, I had to regularly compromise and I wish I had dug my heels in further. But then DSC used to go off and do stuff with there mum and brag about it to my DC, but I couldn't afford to do both with and without DSC.

And yes, he should have paid for his when I took them out but I was young and naive.

That's how I'd see it.

Falling back on the 'crazy' implication is a whole other nasty issue.

I could understand this if you were annoyed that your DP had excluded you and your son, but you don't seem bothered about going at all. I've taken my son to sports games even though it's not my thing, because I want to spend time with him. Given that your son spends at least two nights a week at his dads house, I don't really understand why you would send him out with someone else on the days you do get to spend with him. If he really wants to go to a football match, why not take him yourself?

I don’t think he is being unreasonable taking his son and not yours but he is being unreasonable thinking they can stay at your house when your son is not included

It's a football match - either an away game or the bf hasn't got a season ticket so he has to hope he can get a ticket.

Your son doesn't support this team. His son and his father do. The suggestion your son should be taken is unreasonable. It's not his team.

He needs to stay elsewhere on that evening and not use your home as his base.
Yanbu.
He is staying at your house far too much.
Yes he can do things with his child on his own but he doesn't have to rub it in your sons face.

Calling you crazy?
Huge red flag.

Does he pay his way?
Or are you and your house a free/cheap convenience to him?

Don't allow yourself and your home to be used.

If they weren't staying in your house I'd think nothing of it. However, they are staying in your house so I think it was rude of him not to ask. YANBU.

As someone who took a kid who wasn’t really interested to a football match I will say you are being unreasonable. 1. Tickets aren’t cheap, 2. If he’s not interested he’ll be bored. Most games are boring if you’re not fully invested & 3. He’s allowed to do things with one kid, even if they were both his we often take ours boys out separately because they like different things.

Ok so my take on this is that had your partner invited his son and Dad to football and they weren't staying at your house, that would be fine as your own son would know no different. Although it would have been genuinely nice had he thought to include your son in this boys outing.

I think the problems arises as he has invited them to stay at yours and so your son will know and as its a boys outing (particularly as your partners son is of a similar age) he will quite reasonably wonder why he has been left out and to be honest it is sort of indicative of your partners default setting on the relationship between him and your son in my opinion. And that would concern me. If he lives in your home for part of the week then your joint priorities should be the welfare of any kids concerned and if he saw himself in the right position for this long term commitment to your son, he would have automatically included your son in the boys outing.

Ask him again to offer to take your son too as a gesture of goodwill and family bonding towards your son and as an indication of the type of relationship he sees with your son.

If he refuses to do it or does it with bad grace, then I would have some serious concerns about the relationship as you are two years in. If he refuses, then do not allow them to stay over to protect your son from feeling left out.

Who knows, your son may not want to go but he will feel included and the opportunity and invitation tells you a lot about your partners mindset in relation to your son. Your priority is your son.

of course he can just do things with him and his son. your son isn't being left out. that would only be if you are going. however much his dad set his grandsons irrelevant.

him coming to stay at yours because its closer is out of order, if you're not invited. say no to the stop over