Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose football over son

183 replies

Newuser75 · 17/02/2026 06:31

I’m just wanting to get some opinions.
My husband the other day told me that if his football team get into the fa cup final he wil choose to go there instead of watch our son perform in his one off drama show that he has been practising for months for.

For context, this is not the first time (by far) that football has been prioritised over family life and our son is autistic and has only recently had the confidence to go to any kind of club let alone perform on a stage and he has a leading role. In fact, until a couple of months ago he wouldn’t even sing in front of my husband (only me).

I think he should prioritise his son but he says as it would be a special match he would see nothing wrong in going.

I’m aware at this moment it is hypothetical but I still disagree.

OP posts:
Jellybunny56 · 17/02/2026 07:18

doglikescheeseontoast · 17/02/2026 07:06

But the son’s performance is a ‘huge historic moment’ for HIM! His son, who has overcome significant difficulties to be able to do what he is doing.

OP, you are not being unreasonable.

Show quote history

And that’s great, but it won’t be the last thing his son does.

To be honest if it is a “team first to the FA cup final” situation it would be nice for him to take his son to witness that little piece of history too.

As I say I’m not bothered about the football but even I can get that if its a team first it’s a special moment in history, a kids drama show is great and lovely but isn’t quite that.

Owly11 · 17/02/2026 07:14

Of course he should go and see his team in the FA cup final - that's a once in a lifetime opportunity for most ordinary fans. A drama show is no big deal and your son will only care if you make it a big deal.

Lennonjingles · 17/02/2026 07:14

As a wife whose whole family are football mad, there’s many of times football has come first and family events have to be scheduled around this, but in your case I would’ve thought my DH would want to attend your DS’s performance. I’ve learnt to live with the fact that football is my DH’s passion and hobby, he’s giving up his season ticket of over 20 years, hopefully we will be able to book things without having to check fixtures.

MojoMoon · 17/02/2026 07:14

What was the context for this conversation?

The final is a long way off so why was it being discussed now when the possibility of his team being in it is still very remote? Lots of teams are still in it at this point.

It sounds like the real problem is that you feel he doesn't care much about your son or you. How does he show this?
You would be better having the discussion about his lack of engagement based on what has actually happened rather than arguing about a hypothetical future possible choice.

But if he doesn't care much about you both, you aren't going to change that. You can only decide if you should stay married if he doesn't.

fluffiphlox · 17/02/2026 07:10

I suppose it could be a once in a lifetime thing for the club but your son will be in other productions, at least that’s the way he sees it. Football is a terrible disease if you have it bad.

doglikescheeseontoast · 17/02/2026 07:06

Jellybunny56 · 17/02/2026 07:01

I don’t follow the football really, husband does, but for me I think it depends completely on the team. I know my husband & BIL were chatting at the weekend about a team who are still in and saying this team have never made the final before so if they did it would be a huge historic moment for the club- in that instance I’d be less bothered and more understanding that it’s a real one off special match.

If the team is Man City who have won it multiple
times though thats very different.

But the son’s performance is a ‘huge historic moment’ for HIM! His son, who has overcome significant difficulties to be able to do what he is doing.

OP, you are not being unreasonable.

Jellybunny56 · 17/02/2026 07:01

I don’t follow the football really, husband does, but for me I think it depends completely on the team. I know my husband & BIL were chatting at the weekend about a team who are still in and saying this team have never made the final before so if they did it would be a huge historic moment for the club- in that instance I’d be less bothered and more understanding that it’s a real one off special match.

If the team is Man City who have won it multiple
times though thats very different.

ElevensesKing · 17/02/2026 06:59

My friend's dad did similar when she was a child and she detached from him completely as an adult. By the time he died, she hadn't spoken to him in 10 years and didn't attend his funeral.

What her dad taught her by prioritising himself was that she wasn't important. She remembered this as an adult and treated him in exactly the same way & told him so. He couldn't complain because he did the same to her. Your dh can prioritise football but shouldn't complain when you all move on without him.