To choose football over son

Fair point. But if you have absolutely no interest in football, they are all random football matches.

Although the point remains the same if I say

The child's show should come first, not a football match.

Do you think describing the FA Cup final, especially if it involves a lower league team, as "some random football match", which it clearly isn't, adds weight to your argument.

I find that a really bizarre thing to say. I'd imagine lots of people would have absolutely no idea when the FA cup final is and it wouldn't even enter into people's consciousness when planning events that have absolutely nothing to do with football.

The child's show should come first, not some random football match.

Sunderland won't have enough tickets for all their season ticket holders, and I doubt they will make the final.

Semi-finals are at Wembley, so might be a day out then.

I have no interest in football at all. But my DH and DS are huge football fans, and go to all the home matches, and some away, even if they are abroad. They have been to an FA cup final, and it was a huge deal to them, they were so excited, and happy they went (even though their team lost!)

So I can totally understand a footballs fan's desire to go to an FA cup final. I think it would be fine for your DH to go, in the unlikely event of his team making the final.

But my feelings would be very dependant on how supportive your DH is in general. If he is really good with your son, spends time with him, supports him in his activities, then going to the final would bother me less than if he doesn't generally support him.

My DH is a fantastic dad, very hands on, spent time with his kids, supported their activities etc. I'm not sure that him missing one play (even one that's very important to the children) would even register with them, as he is very involved in their lives. He's allowed to have some time of his own too, even if it does occasionally clash with events.

I agree, but in the unlikely event that they do get through, you’ll have to honour your agreement. It probably won’t happen again in your DH’s lifetime, or perhaps even your son’s lifetime.

I say this as someone who has no interest in football, never wants to watch a match or indeed any sport, but who wishes our local team well and is sad they’ve been knocked out.

Your DH is who he is. You say “it’s not the first time”, but that could be anything from being the second time to happening every week. All three of you should talk it through

I really wouldn’t be arguing about this. They’re not going to make the final. They’ve had an easy run so far but that won’t last. Smile and nod then commiserate when they’re knocked out once they play a premiership team and he’ll be free to attend your sons performance.

He just sounds like a shit dad tbh.

What sort of loser puts football before their own child?

At least your son has you OP, he's obviously worked out who he can trust most if you were the only one he could sing in front of for a while.

@BitOutOfPractice did you watch the Wolves game Sunday at Blundell park?
Your guy at the back is a bit imposing!
Shame about our pitch though!

So it's not actually the cup final so many have mentioned, but just another round - in which case it hardly seems a once in a lifetime" thing

Not that you'll have much luck conveying that to someone seized with the tribal nature of football ...

Whether what’s important to your son is itself important to you is really not relevant though? Parents support because it’s important to their child, and their child is important to the parent. The ops dh is saying their child isn’t that important to him.

I think I hope you don’t have kids.

I guess the main thing is how your son feels about it.

As massive football fans (season ticket holders) it depends for me.

who’s his team? Man City/arsenal/Liverpool etc I would except him to give up they get to Wembley all the time. If he supports Macclesfield or Wrexham then I would be more flexible because they will likely not make it this far again for a few years and your son will do more drama performances

Plenty of women who sit near me would take a cup final as a first priority, so there's that. Shame he can't get a ticket for the football for the boy, really. Sunderland won it in 1973 so it comes around every 50 years or so. Except they won't get to the final this year so don't worry about it.

The stag do was already arranged before they qualified for whatever it was. So they had previously agreed to the date and then dropped out. He had other people coming. His brother doesn't particularly like football as it happens, although his Dad and BIL are regular supporters. So no, it wasn't his fault at all

I’ve said YABU because you can’t force people to care about things that they don’t care about. What’s important to you, and your son, is not to your partner. When you accept that, you’ll probably have more clarity about what this man actually brings to you & your son’s lives.

If his male relatives are all big football fans, why on earth would he arrange his stag do for the weekend their team was in the playoffs? Surely his action in giving them no consideration was just as bad?

Ugh! Any bloke that prioritises a bloody football match (any TV sporting event) over something important in their kids lives, is a massive turn off.

It’s like when you go to a wedding and they put the big screen on in another room just so the twatty knobheads can stand around together boozing and pretending they’re in their local pub, instead of the fact they’re actually attending someone’s wedding.

Your husband has got the right to enjoy life even after becoming a father, I would think.
There's a very thin line in such situations, what is "acceptable" and what isn't. I don't understand the investment in football or any sport, but chose to remain child free so I can always put myself first.
Can you explain to your son that his father going to the match doesn't mean he doesn't care about him, or something like that, if you're willing?

Neither my FIL or two BILs went to my husband's stag do because their football team had reached the play-offs (for promotion I think) so they dropped out. My husband was really hurt. The team lost and didn't get promotion. They all said it was a rubbish match and 'they wished they hadn't bothered going'. Absolutely no clue that was even more hurtful to my husband. Football fans think differently I think.

Have you someone else who could come like a grandparent. My kids would have been just as happy for another person to come in similar situations.

Oh that’s not on. That’s really sad