To choose football over son

Football is tribal. It's not just watching a game. A quote from an article that sums it up:

"Fans form a strong sense of belonging, often passing allegiance down through generations, similar to religion or politics."

Your son will have the opportunity to do lots of drama shows in his life, but this is not likely to happen again (sorry) for Sunderland fans.

I had both parents come to most things they could (performances) as a child and it was awesome. But as I got older they stopped (for various reasons) and it makes me sad. So if he can go, he should go.
on the other side, I have a footy mad partner and I get how they want to go but, kids will grow up and remember that a sports team was more important than them.

If this disagreement is symptomatic of wider problems then fair enough.

If not and everything is usually fine, I think you're being unreasonable to push what's currently just a theoretical question. The chances of Sunderland making it to the final are tiny. Creating pointless arguments over things that will almost certainly not happen very much comes under "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" for me. I also think that the way you've framed it is overly dramatic.

Maybe not in this country but there are definitely intense fans of other sports in the states (where I'm from) and probably other version of this elsewhere.

I think if you just replace it with 'Madonna concert' or 'Hamilton performance' or even 'friend's wedding' or whatever else would be a consideration for you (or that you could understand being a consideration for others) and take the football out of it that might make more sense to you. I think there's nothing wrong with having a conversation about priorities but I still think it's worth making sure he's fully involved in your child's life in other ways if not in this specific way. And if you son wants, maybe extended family / friends / family friends can come support him on the night.

And - as others said - this might not even happen (I couldn't be less interested in football so don't really know the details, but others said this is unlikely anyway).

I’m a massive life long football fan and I would 100% go to my DD’s show. And she does several a year not a massive one off big deal.

Firstly you are thinking WAY ahead. His team may not even make the final for a start. Who does he support? If they are a team that have not ever made an FA cup final before then of course he should go. Making the final would be monumental and a once in a lifetime chance to see them play a cup final. But then again, I am a football fan and fully understand the importance of these things.

Normally I would be a 'always put family first' kind of person but on this occasion the football would win out.

There will be other drama shows and other performances that your son will take part in over the years but this may be a once in a lifetime chance to see his team in the FA cup final.

Play it by ear. Unless he supports a premier league team it may not even happen anyway.

My family is into football in a big way. If we're lucky enough to get to the FA cup final I would l and family members would be going. There are very few events that would be prioritised over what might be a once in a generation event. It is not a question of prioritising family time over football, a cup final is a rare and life important event.

I agree. I know it isn't the point but it's highly likely to end up being Arsenal vs Man City or Chelsea or Liverpool so it won't be an issue. However - they haven't won the FA Cup since 1973 and it is not the same watching it on TV. In our house we tend to go by the rule that one of us should attend these things if both of us can't. DS doesn't mind which of us goes.

You’re right. It would make me have a hard look at just how good DH is with the DC on a daily basis. Just how involved is he, without your prompting?

This will help you to see if this football situation is a glitch or a symptom of a bigger problem.

Am trying to think about how we'd approach this in our house. There are things that we don't attend for one reason or another but we do almost always make sure that one of us goes to everything. So if my husband had something he really, really wanted to do and my daughter had a show that same night, I guess it would be okay if I went without him - but he's a fully involved parent who goes to almost everything, so missing one thing for whatever reason would be manageable. I think my daughter would be disappointed if she wanted him there, but it wouldn't ruin their relationships as he shows up the other 364 days.

Does your son really want him there? That would change things too.

He needs to grow up. Football is only a game FFS.

His son matters so much more.

He can have his day out at Wembley for the semi final (hate that they play tge SF at Wembley).
Honestly, it's unlikely Sunderland will get to the final so it is likely a moot point

🤣🤣🤣 Comedy post of the day. Well done! 👏

So what would you do?
DH has chosen the football. Even if he ends up at the show, you would know what he was thinking.

A regular Saturday game and I'd be fuming - the FA Cup for a once in a lifetime appearance, I think I'd just be hoping they didn't make the final.

I think even if it was a non league club making the final...a child's first performance in these circumstances trumps (excuse the ugly word) everything else. Love football yes, but family more.

Sunderland are unlikely to make the final considering Arsenal, Man City, Chelsea, Newcastle and Liverpool are still in the competition. Especially as their captain is still out injured.

I’m a big football fan as are the whole family. If really big matches coincide with events, football would come first as long as the event in question can be moved.

Your son’s event can’t be moved. Assuming you are in the NE, your DH could easily watch the match in the local fan zone and then attend your son’s event.

But, I’m 90% certain that Sunderland won’t make the final anyway. And if they do, your DH has made his choice. My reaction to this would depend on how involved DH is on the every day with your DC.

I hate football so am completely biased. In fact being with a man into football at all would be a huge turn off for me. I agree with you OP, I think your child should come first and this won't be forgotten.

Going to a play off game is not even close to the same as the FA Cup. If Sunderland get to the cup final (which they almost certainly won't so it doesn't really matter) then there's no way you should stop him. For Man City/Liverpool it's a regular thing but for Sunderland it's almost certainly a once in a lifetime.