To choose football over son

Yes.

If he was really a good caring father, they'd be NO question that his son's show came first.

I had an exH who literally prioritised football over everything including me and his kids. It's so unattractive and ultimately shows you what their priorities are. Note exH.

With Taylor Swift we had loads of kids missing school to get ready for the concert near us. I don’t doubt there will be people who missed important events for that. Just like there are people who missed important events to watch Oasis recently. But it really is only football that makes people so mad.

I’m from near Liverpool and I’ve been asked “red or blue” even when I was on another continent. Football can connect people from thousands of miles apart and for some of us it is part of our heritage. If you choose not to understand that it just shows a small mindedness on your part tbh.

I went to a Festival and missed my daughter’s first day at High School .. her Dad was around.

For goodness sake. It's the national sport, so many people who are not otherwise bothered are aware of what's going on with their country's team every 4 years in the Euros. You said nobody had ever explained why it is so important to some (many people). I and many others have explained it. Refuse to accept it and judge everyone as inferior/lacking in culture and independent thought if you want. I'm hiding the thread now.

And by the way, you brought up Taylor Swift in the first place. There may be no spikes in DV but she has notoriously some of the most obsessed and vicious fans on the internet so I just don't think it's a good contrast.

If he put football before his son, I'd divorce him. Plain and simple. He doesn't even know these people. Why is supporting them more important than supporting his son? And I'd make it clear that his marriage hangs in the balance here. If you're less important than watching a fucking game, he doesn't love you and doesn't deserve you.

But the fact that they were Welsh is less relevant than the fact they were ALSO a football fan which is an odd assumption to make. You could equally have been put through to the colleague sitting next to them who, like me, if you'd said "bet you're happy with the score last night!" wouldn't have had the foggiest what you were on about!

Why is football considered some sort of universal common denominator? If you noticed they had a welsh accent and wanted to establish common ground to me why is that the thing you decide to chat about rather than the time you actually visited wales or your best friend went to Swansea uni, or that you love eating welsh cakes or how the cardiff devils are playing?

I might not say it's "pathetic" to pass down an allegiance through generations like the pp but I don't see why it's something to be celebrated either. Exactly like religion or politics, if someone said "I vote Labour because my dad did" with no other rationale then yeah, I would judge them as being a bit lacking in independent thought!

You don't gave to feel it to understand it.

Yeah that is....exactly what I said?

I dont have any issue with people enjoying things I don't, even if it's beyond what most people consider a normal/healthy degree. The issue is when it negatively affects other people, and there is a lot of evidence that football does have such a negative effect, more than pretty much any other hobby.

The other poster used Taylor swift as an example but I really don't think it's comparable....there's no spike in DV or hooliganism after a Taylor swift concert!! People spending their own money to buy 30 different versions of her album has absolutely no detrimental impact on anyone else.

Using your dog analogy other people being obsessed with their dogs has little to no impact on me but I would absolutely judge someone who had a dangerous/banned breed around young kids, or one who refused to take their kids on holiday because it would mean leaving the dog behind.

Is it?

Which is pathetic, when you really think about it.

Missing an event like this is a really common example for adults to give of a time their parents really let them down, that impacted them more deeply than their parents thought.

This is likely will be a big deal to your son, not something easily forgotten because of "next time". If he wants his dad there, I think he should make the effort to be there.

The team couldn't care less if he goes to see them or not.

Shame this dad can’t see his own children as his tribe isn’t it.

His own autistic son who’s pushing his own boundaries, doesn’t even get a look in. Very sad and bad parenting.

The answer to “why” OP, is because he’s selfish. There’s really nothing else to it. Whether it was football, another sport, seeing a friend, watching the solar eclipse or the opportunity to travel to the moon. His son should be a huge source of pride and the fact that he’s clearly not, shows just how selfish your husband is. He’s putting his own desires about those of his son, there really is nothing else to it.

In a sense I can understand why he might want to go to the football - it could be a ‘once in a life time’ event and he’s a fan. If it were me though, I couldn’t do it if I thought my son was disappointed. That would’ve heartbreaking.

You wouldn't feel that way if the performance clashed with something you're passionate about.

I had to miss Crufts once because two of my kids had a show. I went to their show but was seething with resentment internally but tried not to show it.

It’s irritating OP, and you’ll be annoyed about it for a while, but luckily the chances of it happening are extremely low!

I am a huge football fan, but I wouldn’t be missing something important for my kids over it - but mums are wired a bit different to some dads!

It depends who the team is. As PP said, if it's one that's been to a final before then no. But if he's been following them for years and they've never done his before then, I think it would be ok.

Yes, this is exactly what I mean about accents.
I had a good chat with someone at a Welsh bank a few years ago when Wales were doing ok in one of the international tournaments. I'm not Welsh myself.

@latetothefisting lots of people have obsessions / things they would choose that I wouldn’t.

I’ll give an example - dogs. Now I don’t dislike dogs. But people I know who love them like children, won’t go on holiday because they won’t leave them, consider them part of the family, prioritise them over wide family, sleep with them even though their partner doesn’t like it etc Nope, don’t get it at all. Yet on mn that seems to be completely acceptable. Encouraged even. And I acccept that lots of people have very strong emotional attachment to their dogs. Even if I don’t.

So you see, you don’t have to feel it to understand it.

It’s not a shared accent. It’s an accent from a particular area. Like I am a scouser and as soon as people hear me they’ll say red or blue!! And then that opens up a conversation.

have you ever met a swifty? They are obsessed.

You said "Nobody has ever been able to explain it." You not understanding or accepting the explanation is not the same thing.

And if you don't think Taylor Swift fans have a parasocial relationship with her then you aren't paying attention!

Also - what is this "paying out"? What for? I went to an FA cup match this weekend and it was £30. My son's ticket was a fiver which is about half the price of a cinema ticket. On an average week it costs me £0 to be a football fan.

yeah, still don't get it sorry.

I mean, I understand that people DO talk about football for ages but don't understand why they can't just talk about...literally anything else.

If people have a "shared accent" for example, then why can't they talk for hours about the local area they grew up in, people they know, funny stories, folktales, landscape, music, history, etc. Those are all still shared commonalities. Why is it 11 random men kicking a ball at each other that's somehow more interesting than, again...literally any other topic of conversation?

If men can't talk about anything real with their friends and can only talk about something which has no actual relevance to their life, I find that really sad, actually, and not something to be celebrated.

It's not reciprocal, is it? The owners, and to some extent the players, don't really give a shit about the fans, other than how much they can rinse them for, money wise. 99% of people involved in the relationship talk incessantly about the 1%, care and know more about them than their family and friends, and pay them a significant portion of their comparatively low income. The 1% couldn't care if the 99% live or die as long as they keep paying out. It's all just a bit parasocial and pathetic, IMHO.

Then there's the whole link with hooliganism and DV - again, you don't get that with the Olympics or a Taylor Swift gig.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with people liking or even loving football, just because I don't. It's just the way the compulsivity some people (like OP's DH) exhibit is accepted in a way it wouldn't be for almost any other activity or interest.

My husband is an avid football fan, he would prioritise nothing over his sons, he is their biggest supporters.

he simply is just a crap Dad.

What's the voting?
You asked AIBU <dh's opinion> but everyone's voted AIBU <your opinion>

Ffs.

Dh IBU.
YANBU

I would be disappointed in a husband if he chose to watch the football rather than a one off first-time performance of his son, and would think less of him. It’s his choice, but if he decides to go I wouldn’t be covering it up or smoothing it over with your son. Or colluding in any fibs about it. I think it would be a great shame and would most likely affect his relationship with your son, but would stay out of it.