To ask DH to consider changing hobby?

Absolutely this. What would happen if (god forbid) you ended up in hospital or having to care for a sick relative or were absent for any other reason? Your DH would have to put the child to bed then.

Not unreasonable of him to want this one evening of sport, better for his mental and physical health. It has highlighted some underlying problems though and they are what need to be sorted.
You really need to have your child accept others, especially their father, at bedtime for everyone’s good. The cooking and lunch prep need to be shared, even if this means you have to accept them being not done the way you would do them.
You going out one evening would be hugely beneficial in resetting the patters and expectations. Ideally find an activity to go to but if not find a nice coffee shop. Your child needs to realise that you are not ever present and available on demand, your husband will then know what is involved in an evening on his own and you will get some me time.

He can do lunches when you do bedtime. Although I'm a bit confused what you mean by lunches - your child is at nursery or your sister's and your husband is at home. Why do they need lunches doing?

Who ever cooks at the weekend can make extra for Monday night. Why are you cooking all the meals?

Your nursery age child can't dictate the evenings, he needs to have his father do bedtimes. Maybe go for a walk before bedtime so you literally aren't an option for your son but are nearby. Only you always doing it is no good for anyone and a ridiculous bind for you.

Tell him he needs to have dinner sorted on Mondays to ease the your load- he can make something on his lunch break to reheat.

I don't think the hobby is the issue, one night a week is unreasonable. It's the fact that you don't have the same luxury because you're doing all the cooking and putting your child to bed every night. He needs to take on at least half the days with both of these things. I know you say your daughter cries for you but you really need to get her used to him doing bedtime sometimes, it'll probably be easier if you actually go out a couple of nights while he does bedtime so you can't hear her crying and he'll be more able to comfort her if you're not able to take over.

Yabu to ask him to give up a hobby one night a week. Distribute the other household chores better.
Take up a hobby yourself one a night a week.
Packed lunches? Your OH works at home (gets his own lunch) and your LO goes to nursery (doesn't the nursery provide food?).

It sounds like he needs to get more involved in dinner and bedtime. Of course, he can cook dinner and, of course, he can do bedtime!

I tend to do the cooking because I’m fussier. I want nice cooked from scratch meals. Dh will happily eat store bought pizza, jackets and sausages and chips every night. I don’t love it, but I’ll eat it when he does. So I let him get on with it nights when I need a break. Same with bedtime. I’ve tended to do bedtime with youngest one (Dh took over with oldest when we had another). But he’s always been the one to do bathtime with both of them, from day 1.

I went to Australia for 2 weeks for work when eldest was 17 months. Dh and dd managed just fine doing bedtimes and cooking and all the nursery runs and all the sorting of clothes without my input. You need to make time for yourself. No reason you can’t.

dh needs to be doing lunches and bed times. the only way for LO to get used to it is consistency

DH doesn’t do bedtime (little one refuses this) so from anywhere from 7.30-8pm I’m putting them to bed which can take up to an hour

Fool be you for letting a child refuse a specific parent putting them to bed. What a rod for your back you have made.

As someone who was in this boat I sympathise with your resentment OP. Obviously you ABU to say he can’t do his Monday hobby. I WFH all week and its very lonely at times. But I fell into the “kids only want me at bedtime” trap and doing all the grunt work and it wore me down. Even now my kids are older, if I go out in the evenings they have a little moan about it and they put themselves to bed 😂 Bloody ridiculous. If I could go back I would absolutely be forcing myself out at night for an evening a week. Its ok to have that for yourself. Also some good ideas here about meal prep etc. I outsource school dinners so I don’t have to make packed lunches 😂 My dh went through a mountain walking phase and it was 4 gym sessions a week and then all weekend on mountains. It wasn’t the hobby that annoyed me. It was having everything else left to me. But if you don’t take steps now to make time for yourself your resentment will grow and fester and no one should feel like that.

What is your DH doing whilst you are running around doing everything on Tuesday to Thursday evening?

Can DH do bath time and story, and you then pop in to say good night? Need to get little one used to dad doing bedtime too

Why is he not making dinner and packing the lunches while you put the little one to bed? In our house one does those bits while the other does bedtime. What is he actually doing while you’re upstairs doing bedtime?

Sounds like he's taking the piss in general, OP. He's got you earning as the main breadwinner, then doing practically everything at home. This is what you're really upset about, I suspect.

I thought this! I make 3 lots of sandwiches, throw in a bag of crisps, a yoghurt and some fruit each. Takes 10 minutes max.

I do always read these threads and think that some people must faff massively though...

Having read your updates I would definitely hand Sunday evenings over to your DH - it's fine for him to have a hobby one evening a week but he needs to pull his weight.

I'm gobsmacked that an adult man can't/wont cook!

Another Mumsnet mystery hobby.

YABU.

Yes, or prep the slow cooker the night before, so all you need to do it switch it on the next morning

One day a week for a hobby which he enjoys with friends Is fine. If he is working all week remotely it is really important, not just as enjoyment but also for his mental health that he is enjoying exercising and socialising with friends once a week. I don't think it's fair to ask him to change the place and people as this is his only outlet away from family and away from remote working.
You should also try to get out with friends once a week. A scratch dinner/one put in slow cooker/extra made on Sundays is fine.

Your problem, which I think you have realised, is not 1 day a week out for a hobby (totally reasonable) but the unequal share of the home load you are doing. You are earning more, doing one day child care on top and all cooking and child prep. This is unfair and unsustainable.
Firstly, you need to fix your child not willing to be put to bed by your DH. Or at least not pander to it. She will just have to cry for you until she gets used to it. Best to be out the house for that. Your DH probably doesn’t make an effort to fix this as it suits him fine. If he is the one dealing with a tired and distressed child he is likely to put some effort in.
Husband needs to pull his weight cooking. Tough if he doesn’t like it. It’s part of being an adult. Beans on toast everyone can manage. On the remaining 3 days you work compressed hrs (apart from Monday) he should cook and also prep for the next day. And putting child to bed (once they are used to the new routine). You need to mostly relax after compressed hrs.
Take an evening for yourself to try a new hobby. Leave the house at 5 and come back after children in bed.
edited for spelling errors

I get it's a pain for that one day, but it is one day.

I then need to make dinner for us all, sort clothes and lunches for the next day then do bedtime.

All of this you can do on a Sunday evening (or get your DH to do!) for Monday and Tuesday.

I work a 14hour day on a Monday so whilst I'm cooking dinner Sunday night I prep two days worth of breakfast and lunches. A couple of times a week I'll cook double of whatever dinner I'm making so there's always a few home made 'ready meals' in the freezer that can just go in the microwave or take 30 mins max in the oven.

I should add I have ADHD and am very much not an organised person but it's a really easy win to do this once a week.

Your husband not going for a hobby would not make any difference to your routine. Other than he would be unhappy and cause you to be unhappy.
He needs to do bedtime and food. There are million dinners that you just throw jn the oven for 45min and you can eat those for 2 days. He can pick 3 that he wants to try and that is dinner for a week.

Jesus 😳

YABU to ask him to switch time, but your husband needs to do more. You need to divide and conquer the evening chores. If bath and bedtime is your special circle of hell every night (I hated the witching hour), then he needs to cook dinner every night. He's at home - as others have said, the slow cooker is his friend, or he can prepare a chilli or spag bol on the hob on his lunch and just reheat in the evening. It doesn't make sense that you work out of the home and are cooking. He is far better placed to cook, and batch cooking makes it even easier.

Have you ever asked him to do more around the house?

@Rigglepop is he hands on the other nights ?
who does what at weekends ?

I think he should be allowed to go to his hobby , however he could make dinner the night before for you and son and you do lunch box or he sorts when he gets home .

He’s out once a week doing a hobby - it’s not every night so yes YABU

stop being a pushover at bedtime and share it and do every other - your son is a toddler and you and dad are in charge

whoever does bedtime. The other does dinner and lunch for next day

equally he works from home and could prep dinner while you are travelling homework work every night

fri should be a fun day for you both as spending time with dc but you describe as looking after own child on day off