To ask DH to consider changing hobby?

YABU it's only one night. Why on earth are you doing both drop and pick up, especially when he WFH? What does he do between 6am and starting his work day?? And why doesn't he compress his hours to, to do a day childcare. Sounds like way bigger issues here than his hobby.

Yes, whoever is home first can start it. We do a mixture of I cook, husband cooks and we cook together. Depending on who’s working where and what we’re making. It should be equal. As should the child’s bedtime. I get OP said the child doesn’t go down for DH but that’s because it’s new and alien. The OP should try and get out for one bedtime a week so her DH can do it. Yes the first few times will be tough for both of them but to stick it out.

On this slight side note, when I was married and a sahp I was doing all the chores - fine, but then got divorced. Getting to my point now. Anyway, once exdh left my house I suddenly found I had two whole hours extra every day where I must have been doing chores just for him. I couldn’t even tell you what they were. Maybe an extra load of laundry, maybe putting things back where they belonged, maybe no errands, maybe less fancy food. I dunno. But what I do know is that my chores took me two hours less per day as a single parent than when I had a useless at chores bloke in the house.

I think as you have rightly identified yourself the issue is that he is not preparing dinner and lunches.
It’s not reasonable for you both to work full time and him to not do half the chores and then skip on out to his hobby.

YABU to expect him to give up a 1 hr/week hobby (admittedly with travel time) but he could take his share to do clothes/lunches/meals (and other chores)

No, but I don't think I mentioned cooking at all, so I'm not sure why you're asking me this?

As far as I can see, the OP has already decided that it isn't fair that she does all the cooking. Sharing cooking has never been a problem in my house (though neither DP nor I has a penis, so this may be why), but I am familiar with the problem of feeling that only one parent can do bedtime, so that's the part of my experience I thought worth mentioning.

@KiwiFall DH could start dinner once he has collected little one from nursery

@Stade197 why do you get up at 4.15am? Sounds like you do long hours too. What parenting/chores does your partner do? Single parents have no choice to do it all, you have a partner.

Ah right sorry I didn’t see the other posts. Yes they should split the load when both in. He should be able to do his hobby sport but OP should also have a night off go out and then DH and child get used to him doing the bedtime routine. I don’t agree that just because DH works from home that he should do the meal prep every lunchtime. If he was in the office he wouldn’t be able to do it. My DH works from home. I work out of the home. My DHs lunch should be the same as mine ie have lunch, drink and get some fresh air. Whoever gets home should start dinner or wait until both home and do it together. Again both batch cook when in so a couple of nights you get an easy “warm up” dinner.

I don’t think he’s being unfair, you’re just having to deal with giving the baby his dinner and putting him to bed. You can make yourself some food at the same time and DH can prepare lunches when he gets in. As for sorting clothes for the next day, I don’t even know what that means really. But it’s not too time consuming to put on a load of washing .
Maybe you can take some time for yourself on a different evening, and I’d suggest not coming home but going to a class straight from work, maybe that’ll give you a breather when you can sit quietly in a cafe with a book if the class doesn’t start till 6 or 7.

do you also think it’s fair that he doesn’t cook because he has a penis?

Its only 1 evening so i would let him keep this, but if theres something you are interested in doing also make sure you take some time for you too if its a different evening/day/weekend

Prepare anything you can beforehand to make it easier, on a Sunday get any clothes out you'd need to get out Monday night, maybe make a dinner on a Sunday that will leave leftovers for the Monday or have something quick like a ready meal/pizza for that night

I'm up at 4.15am I work all day mon-fri, I do school drop off and pick up every day, get home 5.20pm and I do all the shopping/cooking/housework/bedtime etc as my partner works long hours so I do know how exhausting life can get, it sucks but then I think of all the single mums that do it alone 24/7, if they can do it so can I

I agree with the posts about bedtimes, but I think some people are being a bit unfair to the DH - both OP and her DH are convinced by the 'child will only go to bed for mum' thing, and it'll be hard work for both of them to change this. Our DC1 always wanted mummy at bedtime too, and we started trying to change this well in advance of DC2 being born. But we found for example that alternating didn't work, as DC was much calmer and more amenable with a consistent routine, so I (as the other mum) had to do ALL of the bedtimes for months. My DP started to really miss doing them, but if she tried to take a turn or just do a bit of the routine, it all went to shit and we had hours of screaming. However, it WAS worth persevering, and we now have a DC who is happy to be put to bed by either parent and has a much more equal attachment to both.

On which note, I think I'd be pushing for a Daddy+DC special activity every weekend as well - if the norm is always 'mummy looks after DC in the evening' or 'family time at the weekend', when do dad and DC get to spend time alone together? He could take him to the library or something. Weekends with a toddler are loooong anyway so there'd be plenty of time left for family stuff.

OP always does bedtime and does every dinner, packed lunch prep etc. Sounds like DH needs to take the weight off to allow her to have more freedom in her evenings

On reading your updates OP it sounds like you have a bigger problem of a DH who is opting out of his fair share

I completely agree with PP that he needs to start taking over bedtime. The more your DC gets their way, the harder it’ll be for him to do bedtimes. Put a stop to it now. It’ll be a hard few nights and then they’ll get used to daddy doing it.

Plan meals ahead of time so he can prep during the day. Is he doing other chores while wfh? In our house whoever is at home puts a load of washing on, dries it, loads/empties dishwasher. In the time the other person is commuting, these things can be done by the person at home

Definitely unreasonable sorry.

OP, a lot of PPs don’t seem to really get it. When you are the main financial provider to the home, work longer hours, yet are still the primary parent and the one doing the bulk of chores at home, it can make resentment grow quickly. I totally get it, it’s not as easy as asking DP to do more as I assume he might not do it or say it’s not as big of a deal/doesn’t need to be done now and hence you end up doing it yourself to avoid the house slowly becoming a tip. A lot of men have been raised to put themselves/their needs first, and it’s unfair. I have this with my DP sometimes when he is complaining that he is tired (and doesn’t want to feed DS/do a load of laundry/you name it). He works a 9 to 5 while I work 14/15 hours on a bad day, yet doesn’t feel any responsibility towards maybe doing a load of laundry or sorting the house/vacuuming when he knows I have had a very long work day. You might need to have a conversation with him and tell him it’s not necessarily a problem for him to take that time for himself, but if he’s going to do it he needs to contribute his fair portion and make sure he puts you in a position where you have some time to rest, as rest time is a priority over socialising/hobbies.

Also, your dh on a Sunday could batch cook something/get something prepared for Monday dinner and also do pack ups on the Sunday for Monday and Tuesday just to make Monday nights go a little easier for you.

There are lots changes that could be made but I don’t agree him giving up his once a week hobby is one of them.

100% this

Where do you get that he does nothing on every night? I just read she feels she has to do everything on a Monday because he’s out doing his sport that night.

@KiwiFall sounds like he has every night off, it’s just this one is out of the home!

YABU. Let him have his 1 night off. You take another night off a different day of the week. Even if you just relax in the bath if you don’t feel you can go out. Batch cook something on the Sunday to warm up Monday or use a slow cooker.

He's working from home. He should be able to have dinner prepped on a Monday before he goes to his hobby. He could throw it into a slow cooker on his lunch break. If you're doing all the cooking every day on top of working full time and doing all the bedtimes then the hobby is the least of your problems.

It’s really important that BOTH of you get these pockets of time to yourself. At the moment you’re resenting him for having his little pocket and you’re not getting yours. It’s up to BOTH of you to create that pocket for you. Trust me, as someone who has had 2 under 2, a few hours to yourself is a lifeline.
“I then need to make dinner for us all, sort clothes and lunches for the next day then do bedtime.”
Why do you have to do that?
I do a hobby every week. DH feeds and baths a baby and a toddler, puts them both to bed, gets their clothes ready etc. If your DH can’t look after his own children then that needs addressing!

YABU. One evening a week is absolutely fine. Also its a nice active hobby!

Make your evening easier, fish finger sandwich, beans on toast, doesn't even need to be something hot. Pick out 2 outfits on Sunday instead of picking one on Monday. Do packed lunch once little one is in bed or get husband to do it once he's home. Then take Friday evening as your time to yourself.