To ask DH to consider changing hobby?

I think it's reasonable for him to prepare dinner before he leaves on a monday night. He can also sort lunches while you are putting your kid to bed. I've been there with mummy preference at bedtime but you really should work as a team to get towards 50:50 bedtimes. You going out of the house one night a week for your own hobby would be a great start to that. We started the transition by DH doing certain tasks like bath etc being the fun daddy and then me doing the actual bedtime, then he'd come in and read the story, then we would explain that it's mummy's turn and daddy's turn for bedtime. You can make small steps towards where you'd like to be as long as you have a supportive partner. Is he supportive? Not cooking isn't a great omen.

@Franjipanl8r she needs him to step up massively. He seems to get every evening off, the other evenings are just at home whilst OP runs around doing everything

Even you can’t let each other have one evening off a week to do a hobby then things are pretty grim. You need an evening off too.

@bondix and @ThisZanyPinkSquid it’s not helping, it’s parenting and doing chores. We don’t describe all the household chores and parenting that OP does as helping. She isn’t a SAHP either. They both work FT and she is the highest earner, so at the very least he should be doing 50% of everything

Yabu. It’s not his fault you have a longer working day and then feel you can’t do anything after. But you have three days you could do something in the evening or the day during the weekend and he looks after the child

What do you both do on your Saturdays and Sundays?? It’s reasonable to ask for some help around the home (obviously you shouldn’t have to but men aren’t mind readers either).
Honestly, I’d say let him have his 2.5-3hrs on a Monday and maybe be thankful he isn’t a weekend golfer 🏌️
When kids are younger it is difficult to spread yourself thin and for me, having coffee with a friend became my hobby😁 There just be a couple of hours somewhere for you to find something for yourself to build into a hobby (or time without the little ones).

Initially thought you need to suck it up then seen your replies.

So the issue seems more that your husband doesn’t help with dinner, making lunches or bed time. That needs to change….fond yourself a hobby also and he can do dinner and bed a night or 2 a week.

If it’s truly terrible would you consider changing your work week to Tuesday-Friday if that’s an option?

Yeah the bigger issue is he is not doing his share of cooking and bedtimes. If you go out and he has to put wee one to bed they will both get used to it. My wee bit wouldn’t go down with my partner if he knew I was in the house but was fine if I was out. You should definitely do something for yourself one night of the week. Yoga, swimming, reformer Pilates or
the gym has been so good for my mh over the years, does he do housework?

WFH can be isolating and lonely long term, men are more likely to be inherently awful at talking about how they feel.

As only 1 evening I know it’s awkward, but I would aim to let this one pass. Maybe you have an evening pass even if you go to sleep early or see friends?

One day a week for a couple of hours you can’t really moan

Is it a secret sport?

You don't have to let your DC refuse your DH putting him to bed. When DP started putting DS to bed it took longer and there was lots of crying and upset. But we got through it and now he sometimes asked for DP and is fine with either of us unless he's ill. Being held and comforted while they are upset is fine. If you want this to change then you both need to commit to it. No taking over even if it's taking ages at first. I recommend it: it was a big help in DH and DS building a relationship.

You also could do with changing the balance of the evening work. I hate cooking, but I still do it on the days I'm home earlier (fortunately usually only 2 days a week). Your DH can step up and cook/make lunches some days.

Did I write this in my sleep. It feels oddly identical to my situation in every sense

Get used to make 5 days of pack lunches for dc on the sunday. And have them in little boxes in fridge. Id just make sandwich fresh each night

He already picks up from childcare 3 out of 4 nights. The OP picks up on a Monday as he's at her sisters and it's on her way home.

im not seeing this is his unwillingness to 'do his share' as much as her need to 'be in charge & be the one DS 'wants' & in control of meals efc'

Hi OP are you using tax free childcare? You get 20% of your childcare paid via this. You can both earn 100k each and still qualify.

To answer your original question I think this is ok. My husband plays football twice a week and is out similar times. We have 4 children and I do dread it especially bath and bed at times but the hobby really helps his MH. As others have said could he make the dinner or something to help?

I hope your DH has good life insurance & you get organised so he can continue to have a hobby. It's healthy to have a hobby, to do something other than home & work.

it's also healthy for your marriage to give the other person the space to be 'them'.

😂😂😂 this has got to be a joke though seriously..you have 1 child im guessing as you don't mention others..please get in the real world..so on a Sunday night why dint you get your sons clothes and yours ready for the week..you get those things you can hang on his door put them in there ready to grab each day and sort yours out ready also..no rushing in the evenings..get DH to have to have his son or both of you do some meals ready for dinners during the week on Sunday afternoon/evening..prep ready for the week..i know you're thinking i don't want to waste my Sunday but you're saving your evenings and your poor husband can have his 1 night with his friends still..

Of course she wants to spend time with her child that goes without saying
Theres not many parents who choose to work full time and pay for a nursery place to get away from their kids is there?

Find a hobby that you want to do in a friday night as your off all day he can take over the childcare duties snd tea cooking when he gets in from work and you go out for a few hours
Perfect solution

I get up that early so I have about 45 mins make my lunch & breakfast, make DS breakfast, do a couple of chores like put in a load of laundry & put on the dishwasher if they need doing then 5am-6am is my hour of peace to get washed, eat, have my coffee, do my hair and make up, get dressed before waking up my little boy, we then spend half hour having his breakfast and cuddles before I start getting him ready for school

I work 8 hours my partner works 12 hours so by the time he is home and out of the shower it's nearly 7pm so if I left cooking/bedtime to him it would all be too late, he does a few jobs like empty the dishwasher, empty the bins but most of it does fall on me 🫠 my son is 4 and for most of his little life my partner has been busy caring for his mum as she had parkinsons and he had to go round almost daily and deal with all her shopping, cleaning, medication, dr/hospital appointmes etc, he had so much put on him that i never asked for help, she died recently so I guess now i can get him to start picking up more jobs at home

Your husband needs to cook sometimes too. And make his kid his lunches. That would help a lot. Why isn’t he these things, OP?

@pinkspeakers he doesn’t pull his weight that is the problem

@WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing maybe he needs to start pulling his weight first before he gets his evening out