To ask DH to consider changing hobby?

Yea bit unreasonable if only one day. Buy a slow cooker ask him to prep it on Sunday. Leave all the lunch and clothes prep to him when he comes home

One night per week is not extreme at all.
Your DH is entitled to hobby with the people he wants to remain friends with.

You both need to make it easier on you.

DH could routinely batch cook a couple of meals especially for that Monday evening.
Hire a cleaner.
Give yourself a regular time away from childcare at another time.
Always talk about and plan for the coming weeks. Things will change as your children grow. Together try to work out ways where you all get what you need.

Sometimes sacrifices need to be made, often one offs when there is illness but you are adults - so design an appropriate life, long term.

Plot in some couple time often.

I second the Bored of Lunch cook books - amazing easy slow cooker dinners. Literally chuck everything in and go.

Let husband have his Monday evenings but you need to have one too. Build up to alternating bedtimes so you get some space.

Slow cooker or easy dinners. Husband needs to help with this too.

I work four days and husband WFH too in the same set up as you but my hours are 9-5. But sharing responsibilities and having our own time is vital.

Good luck

There’s nothing wrong with him going out without making tea first. Coming home at 5:15 and needing to get tea ready is not strange.

however he should take on some cooking during the week. Sounds like he does a lot of the nursery drop offs and collections and based on the time op leaves probably gets the child ready in the morning.

we don’t know anything about op not being able to go out other than thinking she needs so all bedtimes. She needs to also just go out once a week or so and leave him to it.

@RedToothBrush maybe he doesn’t deserve his one social night when he does bugger all the rest of the week so OP can’t have any social or even just me time

Unbelievable that he scoots out on a monday and you come home from work with two children to make dinner and lunches.

Un fxxking believable.
Wake up.
He's a lazy selfish arsehole to have you come home to that.
What is the point of him exactly.
Dinner and lunches done.
He needs to step up.
He's a selfish loser.

Ok so let him do the sport.
But why can’t he do dinner? If you invested in something like an instant pot he could do it in his lunch break and it would be ready and waiting for when you got home?
Also surely he could stick in some washing or whatever.
My husband did a sport tonight, but before he went he made the kids tea and sat with the kids while they ate (I sat in the living room for 30 mins watching something in this time enjoying the quiet before the storm!)

YANBU, your husband doesn’t deserve a hobby if he’s not pulling his weight at home. He’s stealing your time with his laziness, so he can have more time for himself.

But thats a different conversation.

He should do that. But he shouldn't give up on the one social evening he has.

You need to rejig the chores. He works at home. He can easily put a load of washing on. He can get a slow cooker and get meals prepped.
what is he doing while you put kid to bed?

he can put your kid to bed. He needs to start doing it. If you are out of the house then your kid will accept it. Start the routine together rather than cold turkey. Then start stepping out and coming back in room.

while you are doing bedtime then husband should be tidying kitchen, resetting lounge and running hoover over. Folding up clothes etc.

find an activity you enjoy and need to leave at 5pm for.

don’t be gaslit

look at bored of lunch on I stagra m - amazing. Slow cooked and air fryer recipes

@RedToothBrush have you missed the fact that OP does pretty much all chores and parenting all week even though she works FT too

5:15 isn’t late to get home. I don’t get why he would need to make tea before he goes

As it is only one day a week, and he gets back at 7.45pm, allow him to sort lunches and the clothes when he gets back.
Make sure you have “your evening” another night.
My husband trains for marathons and can be out running after work for several hours, several times a week. I know other husbands who go to the gym, pub etc… One night a week is much more forgiving.

YABU. The fact that it's his social life is very important as he WFH.

YABU
Its one night a week and its his social support network not just his hobby.

If it was more often and he didn't work from home it would be a different story.

OP - isn't the actual problem that overall you are doing the majority of the childcare/cooking, working full time hours like him and even contributing more economically? It therefore probably feels like you're pulling too much weight in the relationship and it needs rebalancing with him taking more responsibility at home..

Or get him to prep dinner in the slow cooker and sort clothes and lunches whilst hes on his lunch break

It’s one night and ultimately why compressed hours aren’t a great idea IMO as it makes the other days very long. YABU. Batch cook a dinner you just need to heat up and get the clothes and lunch ready on the Sunday.

Although it does sound tiring for you, I think for this particular question, YABU. One evening a week is fine for a hobby. It's not easy carving out time around young kids and ft work, but it's so important. I think the issue is more that you have compressed hours plus a commute, so less downtime on work days so these days are tiring. Also, your DH could do more to balance the load. Can you think of something (or several small things) he could do that would make a difference to your life?

It is a shame you can't fit in anything for yourself as this is no doubt adding to your exhaustion and resentment as there's nothing that's just for yourself to look forward to. If not an evening, the weekend?

The one night out a week with his hobby is not a problem. He needs to be doing more towards food..I wfh and my husband is out at work. He gets home later than I finish but he still will cook one or two nights a week and then at the weekends we do whatever. He also needs to start doing bedtimes. Why are you letting little one dictate that? Our son has been through months at a time where he cries if daddy does bedtime. You are the parent and you need to plough through that and get to the other side. Make it fun. My husband tells him stories about his soft toys coming to life. He still at 7 cries and wants me but you are setting yourself up to fail if you carry on with that.

“maybe be thankful he isn’t a weekend golfer 🏌️”

Jesus, the bar is low isn’t it?!

and having to ask for “help” from a grown adult that is 50% responsible for the home - I can’t 🤣

Yes! I always find with these threads, the thing the person is annoyed about is the tip of the iceberg.

OP needs to balance out the load here so she won’t feel so burdened.

Doing a hobby one night a week is fine, even with a bit of travel time. But he needs to pull his weight on the cooking. Especially if he’s working from home!! He could bung some stuff in the slow cooker in the morning before he logs on and check it at lunchtime etc.

In the nicest way possible, please get a hobby another night a week and leave him to it that night- that's fair and will make you feel better. That's what Dh & I do - I struggle sometimes on his hobby night, and think I would be resentful towards him if I didn't have my hobby another evening.

Your DH should be doing some cooking on his lunch breaks to take the toll off you, even doing so on a Monday so it's all prepped for you would take the pressure off when he's out. He could do it a few times a week so you can have some time after work bit before bed for some you time too. If your little one wants you at bedtime then your DH needs to balance out that by doing another element of household/child orientation task to take the pressure off you.