To ask DH to consider changing hobby?

Why are you sorting dinner, clothes and lunches? Is this not split 50/50?

tbh I would not stop him doing a Monday night hobby. That sounds very controlling.

however. I would also not focus on needing to do dinner clothes and lunches.

what else is happening in your marriage? Life? That is leaving you feeling you want to control him?
take up a hobby on Tuesday night and leave him to it?

Yeah, sorry YABU. Does he contribute generally or are you focusing in on this issue as a way to vent your frustration at his broader lack of help?

YABU it's one night a week.
I also think you are being a bit dramatic with the comment of you need to sort out clothes and lunches for the next day. Surely you lay out what you want to wear and possibly just grab something for the little one for nursery.
Packed lunches again are annoying but depending on what you put in it aren't really that time consuming.

I agree that your DH should have the dinner ready for you to heat up, or you could consider leftovers from the weekend, batch cooking or just having something easy like pizza to throw in the oven.

Sorry but it's not unreasonable for him to have an evening out once a week. I work from home and my evenings doing my hobby are a life line.

And if you did want to do something, there certainly is time. You just feel too tired so it isn't something you're prioritising right now. I felt the same when my children were younger but when something becomes important to you, you realise it is possible. I would have thought I was too tired as well, but I found something I love and it really ia energising.

One night a week is reasonable. Can't he prepare dinner? If he WFH he could use his lunch hour to do some prep for it or perhaps? Or the next night he could maybe do dinner, bath and bed and so you get a more relaxed evening in lieu?

My dh has a hobby and I don't have the equivalent but he gives me a break by giving me a lie-in at the weekend or taking the kids out for a couple of hours so I can relax. There are ways to take a bit of time for yourself that don't involve a hobby.

Well there needs to be time for you sometime - but that could be at the weekend

is wanting to play with his friends is utterly reasonable

I remember how hard the nursery years can be and how pick up, making dinner and doing bedtime alone can feel overwhelming when you’re exhausted.

If that’s what’s going on here then try to compromise a bit and make Monday evenings as easy as possible. Have a reheat dinner, skip bathtime, don’t do other household stuff, whatever will reduce the load.

But if your husband is otherwise pulling his weight, don’t ask him to give up on friendships - they can be very hard to replace as you get older, especially for men.

For one evening YABU. I would be really annoyed if my DH said he couldn’t handle one evening with the kids.

You’re coming home and making dinner for you and one child. Make it an easy night of pasta or omelette.
DH is home before 8pm, be can sort the lunch box out for the next day and leaving clothes out for one child is hardly such a laborious task.

There are plenty of evenings you could do something, you don’t want to but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t. Telling him he should only be out for 1hr is suffocating.

I think yabu to ask him to ditch his hobby which is also his weekly social opportunity.
But...... "I pick our son up from nursery on the way home. I then need to make dinner for us all, sort clothes and lunches for the next day then do bedtime." - why are you doing ALL of that? Why isnt he helping 50/50. Then you would have quite a bit more time!

One evening a week? You’re being very unreasonable.

Take up a hobby on Saturday morning

You will probably say it will eat into your family time over the weekend (as it’s only the women who care about that) but it’s good for men to understand the importance of ‘equality/ balance’. It might even encourage him to do his hobby closer to home.

This, is he doing am drop off for dc?

He works from home and I can imagine this once a week activity is a life saver. Why not ask him to prep dinner for you on a Monday? Surely he gets a lunch break & he can have all his equipment and clothes ready on a Sunday to scoot out the door with after work. It takes less than five minutes to strip out of your working clothes into his sporting wear.

I do think it’s unfair to ask him to change this and I don’t think asking him to change venue is any compromise for him either. His enjoyment of the sport will be part because of the people he’s playing with.

why don’t you start a hobby? Do something that takes you out the house and evening a week. Hes barely gone for 3 hrs. He literally is in and out. If I was doing something with my mates I’d likely stop and have a drink and natter after our activity

You’re typing this on a Monday night, after your very tiring day, so are possibly not quite in the right place to discuss rationally!

1. Once a week on a hobby is really not a lot. Just make sure you get time out too. Why not take an afternoon on a weekend?
2. make your Mondays easier. Double up your Sunday food for example. So it’s already done.
3. if you earn loads more than him, with two incomes is there not enough in the pot for a cleaner?

YABU.

Personally, if it was me, I’d swap my non-working day to the Monday so you don’t feel so rushed on that day and put DC in nursery Tuesday-Friday.

YABU to ask that of him.
You wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask that on a Monday he prepares the evening meal for everyone before he goes or puts something in the oven so it can be left in the oven to keep warm till you arrive home

Why can’t he sort clothes and prep dinner during his lunch break on Monday - so you have much less to do once you get home

compromise

How is there no time for you to do a hobby when you're home by 5.15pm and he only has plans on one evening a week?

I also think he can easily make dinner during the day on his break. Does he do nursery pick ups on other days?
He shouldn’t have to give up football once weekly though.

YABU. Parenting solo one evening a week isn't a lot. Asking him to give up his only chance at socialising, which is a small amount of time, is very unfair. Can't you just have another evening to do your own thing?

I agree with this. Since your dh works from home, does he prepare dinner every other night? Is this the one night when you are doing dinner?

I then need to make dinner for us all

Does he make dinner and/ or do nursery pick up on the other 3 days you work?

You are entitled to take some time for you as well. Another evening or at the weekend. Make sure Monday dinner is either prepped on the weekend or beans/egg on toast to help a little. But also having a hobby doesn't make all domestic stuff your problem. He needs to do something when he gets in or prep some stuff on the weekend.

He could put some dinner in slow cooker or do jacket potatoes in microwave etc for you to make Mondays go a little easier. And then he can do lunches for the next day once he's back home. I think that would be reasonable. Even freezer food out on a tray ready to be bunged in

For one day a week I'd leave it tbh think you probably are desperate for a break so think about balancing the weekend to give you some time, book a day out with your friends or fam, or find a weekly or weekend morning hobby you fancy

Why doesn’t he ever pick up DC with him being home based? Could he get dinner or the lunches for the next day sorted during his lunch break, or whilst he’s waiting for you to get home?

Just feels like a lot of labour has been shunted on to you, and you’re not even getting the benefit of the compressed hours in terms of getting a rest for yourself, you’re straight into childcare to save you both money. But somehow doing all the evening stuff despite working longer hours!

It feels like the hobby isn’t the real issue here.