To ask DH to consider changing hobby?

He does collect from childcare the other 3 days. My sister looks after our son on a Monday and she lives on route to/from work so it does make sense for me to drop and collect on a Monday.
so does he also do drop offs on the other 3 days?
how old is little one that bed time takes an hour?

He clearly needs to cook and do bedtime!! Dh, this isn’t sustainable. When I was thinking about how I resented your hobby I realised what I resent is that you don’t carry your share of our load. You don’t cook, pack lunch or do bedtime. So you are going to start doing all of those things. If I’m ill and feel like I have to crawl out of bed to cook because we have a child and you can’t take cwre of them I guarantee I will fall out of love with you. Which two nights a week would you like to cook and which two nights would you like to do bedtime? One of those nights you need to cook do bedtime and pack lunch as I am going to start taking that night off. I need to be in a marriage with someone who supports me the way I support you. You get time off. I don’t. It’s not time off if the work waits for me.

YABVU - one night a week.

Dh should do bedtime or if not, he could be making the lunches or dinner while you're doing it. Sounds like he's not really contributing when he is there, so its not really the once a week hobby thats the problem

It definitely sounds like he could do more of the chores, maybe he can cook before he goes? but I don't think it's reasonable to ask him to change where he goes to his hobby. He's gone for less than 3 hours once a week, that's very reasonable, especially since it sounds like you only have one child. Why are you unable to have an evening for you, if you're back at 5.15?

@Rigglepop he needs to do his share of household stuff, cooling, laundry and bedtimes. This will mean you letting them get on with stuff and not intervening. Dad needs to lead on a couple of bed times. I’d suggest if you want to condense your hours you consider whether you might put your child in day care for even half the day to give you some down time. At the moment too much is on you.

Wow, you’re very understanding!

Yes 2 DC

Do you guys have children?

YABU about the hobby but the man needs to step up with regards to cooking and making lunches. Why doesn’t he do it?

YABU on the hobby front as it's 1 night a week. But your DH is also BU foe not having dinner prepped and in a slow cooker for when you and your child get home before he goes!
It literally takes 2 mins during a lunch break!

Ah, let him have his hobby and do it with his mates. It will be good for his mental health! Make sure you also get an evening to yourself.

I don't think one night a week is unreasonable, it's also Sunday the day before so you or he can double up on making sandwiches for monday and tuesday as well as having something to chuck in the slow cooker or leftovers from the night before. I understand alhough never tried you can freeze some sandwiches ahead of time.

As for doesn't do bedtime. That needs sorting. I get your little one wants you at the moment but it's really not fair on anyone to have only one person that can put a child to bed. Surely you want to go out at some point? What if something happens that means you can't be there.

Yeah, he needs to step up on the dinner/lunches and/or take care of all the other chores. But again, think about how much can be done in advance by either/both of you to make weekdays easier.

The solution would be that he gets dinner ready, clothes and lunches ready for the next day before he leaves.

How are chores split on the other days? If you are doing compressed hours to look after DS one day a week I would expect him to be doing more than half of all tasks the rest of the time.

Ask him to make your Monday dinner before he goes out? Baked potatoes or something equally easy.

My DH does his hobby for 2 hours on a Tuesday and Thursday evening, and all morning Saturday and Sunday. I would be more than happy if he only did it 1 night a week.

It strikes me that this is something which could mostly be sorted out on Sundays. Make enough dinner for leftovers on Monday or prepare something just to heat up on the Monday. Make sure there are clean clothes etc ready for Tuesday as well as Monday. Have a clear routine of what you do while he’s out and what you leave for him to sort out once he’s home (e.g. clearing the kitchen and washing up).

I’m sorry but I do think you’re a bit unreasonable. It’s one night, and it’s nice for him to have a hobby and get out and spend time with his new friends. I think instead of asking him to change his location etc, you should just say “okay Monday nights are for you to enjoy yourself and see friends, Thursday nights is going to be mine.” Find a club to join, see a friend, relax with a book in a pub/relaxed bar type place. If he has a problem with this THEN you’re more within your rights to suggest he changes his Monday socialising.

I think you’re reacting like this because your DH isn’t pulling his weight. Separate these 2 things out. He does a hobby he clearly enjoys and gets to socialise, this is a positive to him and your relationships.

The bigger question is how much he’s pulling his weight. For starters why isn’t he getting dinner ready at least on Monday?

Whats the balance of drop off/pickups, laundry, meal prep, shopping, apppintments etc?

Lastly, why dont you go out another evening?

Yabu. It's only once a week. Do an easy dinner and sort lunches at the same time or he can do them when he gets home. What needs to be done with the clothes?

YABU. He’s out for less than three hours, on one evening, and he’s back before 8pm.

YABU - it's one evening a week. I think it is unreasonable to ask him to find another team, he has friends at this one and it's his chance to socialise.

Why can't you do something you enjoy on a different evening? Lots of people work long days but still find time to enjoy a hobby.