To ask DH to consider changing hobby?

He works 7:30 - 3 at home and he does as little as he does? He needs to get a grip. Sharpish!

Do you ever have 2 hour childfree downtime @Rigglepop? Never mind an evening out socialising at least once a week

And why doesn’t this hour of two downtime = a load of washing and a cooked meal, just like a functioning parent. Please make changes in your marriage to a grown up child.

What the fuck is wrong with these men that he didn’t have a single thought on his own that he picks up the dc Wednesday because you’re at work, and you don’t get back till after he was planning to leave?! Ask him what he was thinking with that suggestion - did he just forget his children exist? Was he hoping you would flex your job yet more so he can do a hobby? Why is it your job to remind him he has children??

Even worse, he finishes at 3 and doesn't have the decency to throw on a meal for you coming in after 5 from work with children, and he heads off
to his hobby...and now he wants a second evening.

You couldn't make it up.
Lazy, selfish, useless.

Kindly OP, you are a spectacular mug.
Only the most desperate of women would tolerate such selfishness from a man.

Wake up before you get sick from doing it all.
What modeling for your children, mummy the total work horse, daddy the lzxy arse.

I thought he finished at 5 and had to rush out. Sorry but even though I think that doesn’t change he’s right to go out and do his hobby, it does mean he should be making your life as easy as possible especially on the day he goes out

In your shoes I’d expect the DH to take on the cooking job. I know it’s hard/there is a skill involved etc, but it can be learnt and you can lower your standards for a bit.

if he’s free 3-5 it makes no sense for you to be cooking after 11 hours working/commuting. If he’s does this then it gives you both time for your hobbies.

If he finishes work at 3 why wasn’t he starting to at least prep dinner? Does he do any chores in that time?

For once a week, it’s unreasonable to ask him to switch. He has built a community and friends there. Equally, if he asked you the same I’d say he was also being unreasonable. You should also be having an evening off once a week. Whether that’s a club/activity, going to dinner with a friend or you just getting time to yourself is your choice, but it should be equal and fair.

If he works from home, could he not throw a bunch of stuff in a slow cooker a few times a week either before he starts work or on his lunch break? It will take the stress off in the evenings with prepping dinner.

I hope that the labour of cooking, chores and looking after your child is being shared after 5.15, as if you are getting home at 5.15 and don’t have time for one evening to yourself even once a week, then that concerns me a bit that you are taking on the full load all week, not just Mondays. Hopefully I’ve caught the wrong end of the stick there but that’s what I take if I read between the lines of why you are so burnt out. If that is the case, then the first thing would be to get a weekly evening to yourself and to have a conversation about the division of home labour when you both work full time.

Yabu, it’s ONE night. ONE.
what’s wrong with skipping a bathtime on a Monday? What’s wrong with beans on toast or something super easy and simple on a Monday? Why do people make their lives so much harder than it needs? You have ONE child as well. You both should batch cook some meals on a weekend, and you need to leave the house so your ds gets used to his dad putting him to bed.

Agree with others, only one evening a week.
You could sort the clothes for Monday and Tues/whole week on Sunday, I do this to avoid doing it every night. Also meals, have something precooked to heat up.

When I know a particular evening will be busy or solo I prepare for it, makes life easier. Xx

@anma302 is that a plural you ie either OP or DH, or you meaning OP when talking about cooking dinner on Sunday?

I think it might be easier on you if you precook dinner on a Sunday for Monday and only have to heat it when you get in,feed your wee one and get him settled for bed or invest in a slow cooker that you can put the dinner in and it can be ready when you get back.Your husband can put it on a keep warm setting and it will be ready to eat when you get back and it's not such a big deal as doing that long day and cooking dinner.
I think it's important for you both to have downtime so maybe have a hobby you can do when the little ones are in bed before DH comes back.

@CuriousKangaroo my suggestion is that he gets off his arse. He shouldn't have to be told to get dinners, make lunches, do parts of bedtime. he's a dad for god's sake, he should be parenting. He should realise that when he goes out on a Monday evening OP is left to do everything, so even if he is dad of the year the rest of the time (note he isn't) he should be thinking how can he make life easier for OP - maybe batch cook on Sunday so a meal is ready on Monday night (I note many posters are suggesting that OP does this, but why not him)

OP you sound like a bit of a martyr. Why are you responsible for all cooking/lunches/prep? What does DH do? If its nothing then he needs to step up.

Re: your DC bedtime - of course they would prefer mommy but if you ever want a break or a bit of your life back then DC has to tolerate daddy will do bedtime sometimes. I have a baby and a toddler. We alternate who puts which to bed so they both get time with both of us. At this age both my DC would prefer it if I did their bedtimes but that isn't fair on them or me and it means my DH is capable of putting both to bed so I can go out sometimes. It's not their preference but it's how it is.

Erm, whatever the OP does - cook dinner, make lunch for the next day, homework, play with the kids, bath and bedtime.

Personally I often put a wash on or stick clothes in the dryer if I put a wash on in the morning, but OP hasn’t discussed who does those chores or when.

Obviously he should do the evening childcare and work more often, but he has no excuse not to do it if OP is out and the OP has said that he doesn’t do bedtime because the children ask for her? Not because he refuses. He will have to learn to do it, the children will get used to it and it can then happen half the week.

What’s your suggestion?

Have you read the OP’s posts. It’s not just about the hobby.

@CuriousKangaroo so what else is there to do on most workday evenings? Don't tell me put the rubbish out, which is what most lazy arse men only manage to do.

She doesn’t say he does nothing, only that he doesn’t cook/make lunches or put the kids to bed. But even the latter doesn't sound like it is his choice- she says the children won’t be put to bed by him. Frankly, that is something that just needs to be persisted with.

And in fact, if she was put once a week in the evening then her DH would have to cook and put the kids to bed. They would get used to their dad doing it and it could become an equally shared responsibility.

Totally unreasonable for just one day a week!
Do the same thing on another evening!
Also - as it’s monday, you can get organized for that evening on sunday. Eg have dinner prepped, uniform ready and ironed, etc. Leaving you very little to do on monday except heat up the food you have already cooked.

I think YABU because it’s literally one day a week. I need to run to keep my MH in check so on a weekend I might be out of the house for 2 hours one day and 40 mins another plus 40 mins in the evening a couple of times during the week too. I wouldn’t begrudge DH doing the same but he isn’t interested. If he asked me to stop I’d tell him to fuck off.

YABU!

@CuriousKangaroo but nothing is fair in this relationship, OP does everything and DH gets his social time and then does bugger all in the house the rest of the week

Another vote for YABU. It’s one evening a week, and playing sport is not just about the sport itself, but socialising with people you like as it is a good way to switch off, unwind and have a proper mental break. Playing the same sport with people he has no connection with wouldn’t be the same.

But it does need to be fair. My DH and I have a set evening every week during which we can do as we like (gigs/dinner/cinema etc) and the other person does all the childcare and housework for that evening. It is an arrangement that has made us both really happy and refreshes us each week.