To ask that my nephews don’t come

She should/could have arranged it at the weekend when husband was off work to look after their three kids.

Her son is a baby and she doesn't have anyone to leave him with. Her mum is attending the tea and her husband is at work.

“Cool young aunt” and it’s afternoon tea with her nan, mums and small girls. Sure.

Wow. You think your niece is closer to you than her mum, so decided to wade in and organise her birthday treat for her… no wonder your sister’s nose is out of joint.

Lots of teenagers have difficult relationships with their parents. It’s par for the course, as you will discover when your little ones get to that age. But her mum will always be her mum. I wonder what you say to her when she ‘confides’ in you about her mum - do you agree with her that she prefers the nephews?

I felt like you were overstepping a bit when I read the OP, but this update really confirms it.

Probably only said yes to the little cousins coming as it'd be rude to day no - especially as you're paying.

I don't think this was intended as a girlie day out at all - you're stumped for childcare and HAVE to bring your sprogs along. The lass is turning 18, an adult day out would've been more appropriate. You're really excluding the brothers and I hope they're not resentful for it. You could at least have asked and given them the chance to say no thanks if they didn't want to come.

I think your sister is being ridiculous. Anyways if your niece is 18 surely she can just come along

Probably only said yes to the little cousins coming as it'd be rude to say no - especially as you're paying.

I don't think this was intended as a girlie day out at all - you're stumped for childcare and HAVE to bring your sprogs along. The lass is turning 18, an adult day out would've been more appropriate. You're really excluding the brothers and I hope they're not resentful for it. You could at least have asked and given them the chance to say no thanks if they didn't want to come.

This was my thinking. Maybe in the same way niece complains about her brothers privately to OP, she may complain at being lumbered with her younger cousins whilst stating she 'loves looking after them' to OP and the Mum may be trying to do her a favour. I think there are two sides to this story.

Because if they’re normal teenage boys they wouldn’t want to sit drinking cups of tea and fairy cakes with their sister and aunty FFS!

I don’t see the problem with it being girls only but I think it’s inviting your young DDs that would be an issue for me, afternoon tea is no place for children and it changes the vibe and does make it seem a bit unfair that your nephews can’t go. It should be adult girls only (a 6 month old baby doesn’t count, I get why you need to take him)

Say they can come and prepare a girly invite you can send round to them. Then let her have to battle with them to get them there. Your sister sounds ridiculous over her “precious boys”.

So your niece is 18 and you’re planning a girly day and your sister is annoyed because you’ve not invited her sons (your nephews)? How bonkers.
unless I’ve misunderstood your sister is acting crazy!

I think I would have organised the girly treat to be an actual girly treat - like getting nails painted, hair styled or watching a very girly show - followed by the afternoon tea. Unfortunately, with booking just an afternoon tea which is very much unisex there really isn’t a valid reason to exclude your nephews and it just shouts ‘we don’t want you there’. Your sister feels uncomfortable telling her boys they’re not invited to have ‘tea’ with everyone (it’s hurtful) but she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable if she could say ‘for xyz’s birthday the girls are going to hang out together getting our hair and nails done’ (not hurtful).

Ah but the adult niece is closer to OP than with her mother and the 18 year old is such a bestie with goodness knows what age OP, mother of 3 under 5s.

I'm struggling to understand how your sister appears to enforce this 'doing everything together as a family at weekends' thing when her daughter is 18 and the sons not too far behind. Don't they cut up rough about it? No way would mine have tolerated that. I can't imagine most teen boys would have any interest whatsoever in a girly tea party with babies & toddlers.

You can’t really stand your ground though. If she doesn’t allow your niece to attend.

you sound like an amazing aunt it’s a shame your sister fails to see it

Tbh I'd rather have the teenagers there than the 6 month old baby.

And 3 under 5 year olds at an afternoon tea? I'd take teenagers over that any day.

Jesus your sister sounds like a PITA.

I vote you....Book afternoon tea somewhere absolutely deluxe (Dorchester or Claridges) and go just you and your niece then go shopping.

Leave all the little kids at home (inc your own)

I do also agree this can be seen as overstepping irrespective of what your sister does/ doesnt plan. Just because she doesnt plan stuff doesnt mean she wants Mary sunshine up in her space "making memories"

I was with you until I read that your three children under 5 will be there.

So, you are selling this as a special 18th birthday treat for your niece without her annoying younger brothers there, but her 3 very young cousins will be attending? Sure.

No wonder your sister isn’t buying it.

I agree with a pp that this sounds like a sibling argument between you and your sister. You’ve essentially put your sister in a situation whereby if she doesn’t attend, it will prove to your niece that she prefers her brothers over her.

Well done you.

I hope your sister doesn’t single out your eldest child out in this way, creating conflict within your family.

Really?

My cousin's daughter had a women's only afternoon tea for her 50th. (There was a family meal the following day.)

The daughter organised it herself.

ETA Her teenage sons were quite happy to be doing something else at the time.

Fairness and equality are different sides of the same coin. DH and I would take each of our g nieces and nephew to events that we though each would enjoy. Some events cost more than others but they all had similar experiences

I was thinking the same. Did you ask nieces mum if you could invite niece for a girly birthday day out?

However, to argue that boys should go because your baby boy will be there is a bit pathetic.

Shes 18? If your sister is being a div just tell your niece youll pick her up and take her out yourself