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Original poster

To ask that my nephews don’t come

386 replies

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 18:58

My niece is going through the usual hardships that many teenagers go through at high school. So for her birthday I decided to organise a girls only afternoon tea, and I invited my mum, sister, and niece to come along with my own two daughters and my son (because I’m on mat leave with him).

However, it’s caused a major argument with my sister (whose daughter I planned the event to celebrate). She is annoyed that I didn’t include my two nephews in the invite. I said for my niece, I thought it would be nice to make it girls only and not have her brothers there now she’s older. Now my sister is saying that she’s not going to come and therefore won’t bring my niece either, unless I include my nephews. She also used as an argument that my 6 month old will be there and he’s a boy. Not sure this is of relevance but I’m paying for the event.

should I include my nephews or stand my groundy daughters are still young but I always intentionally do some special things for just them and me and plan to continue that so I didn’t think I would offend anyone by planning this.

OP posts:
Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 22:37

thepariscrimefiles · 16/02/2026 22:34

Her small cousins are only there because OP's husband is at work and her mum is attending the afternoon tea so she has no-one to leave them with.

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And that’s fine.

But don’t try and sell it to be a very special 18th birthday treat for her niece, so niece’s brothers can’t come along. But the OP’s 3 children can.

Original poster
Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 22:36

@Vivi0 you said that, NOT me. I have never once said my nephews are a pain in the arse.

OP posts:
ProfessionalPirate · 16/02/2026 22:35

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Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 22:35

ProfessionalPirate · 16/02/2026 22:32

They could be the best behaved children in existence, but 3 under 5s will always massively change the dynamic at an otherwise adult meal out. You must be on a different planet if you think otherwise.

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Typical “other people’s children are a pain in the arse (her sister’s sons), but my children are just great and people LOVE spending time with them”.

Hilarious!

thepariscrimefiles · 16/02/2026 22:34

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 22:21

It’s not her counsin’s birthdays either, is it, but they’re all invited along to enjoy the nieces “birthday treats”.

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Her small cousins are only there because OP's husband is at work and her mum is attending the afternoon tea so she has no-one to leave them with.

runningonberocca · 16/02/2026 22:34

ThornsInACheapBouquet · 16/02/2026 19:40

Your niece is 18. She doesn’t need permission from her mum. If your sister won’t come it don’t mean your niece can’t.

This! Your niece is a young adult and is very lucky to have an aunt as caring and thoughtful as you. Can’t believe her mother is trying to ruin the special day you planned. Sounds as though your niece is right about her mother favouring the boys. If your sister doesn’t want to come she doesn’t have to - it’s your nieces day and she’s an adult who can make her own choices now

Original poster
Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 22:32

@ProfessionalPirate You don’t need to tell me about my own job. I’m fully aware. I can still have meaningful relationships or give advice to family members when they ask for it- it’s not inappropriate, that’s life. I’m not counselling my niece in any shape or form.

OP posts:
ProfessionalPirate · 16/02/2026 22:32

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 22:15

a lot of people are very opinionated about my children 😆 good job I’m their mum and know them best. My girls are very well versed in eating out places and will be just fine - thanks for all the concern that they are ruining the vibe.

They could be the best behaved children in existence, but 3 under 5s will always massively change the dynamic at an otherwise adult meal out. You must be on a different planet if you think otherwise.

thepariscrimefiles · 16/02/2026 22:31

Tangit · 16/02/2026 22:18

She should/could have arranged it at the weekend when husband was off work to look after their three kids.

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OP has said that her sister will only do stuff with her immediate family (husband and kids) at weekends so she respected that which is why she booked it on a week day.

Usernamesettings · 16/02/2026 22:31

I would invite my nephews to the afternoon tea, and organise something with just you and your niece on another evening. The boys may not want to come but I can’t see why you wouldn’t invite them so that they have the choice, and then organise a more adult evening just you and your niece.

redjeans28 · 16/02/2026 22:30

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 22:26

Make your mind up.

Either the niece is 18 and can make her own decisions without her mum’s permission or she can’t.

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I'd hazard a guess and say that the mother is quite controlling and is having a tantrum because she realises her grip on DD18 is getting loose.

beAsensible1 · 16/02/2026 22:30

Some of you are being bonkers

ProfessionalPirate · 16/02/2026 22:27

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 22:19

@ProfessionalPirate you dont know me personally. I’d never say anything against my sister to her own daughter. Just because she confides in me about things does not mean I break the boundaries of auntie and niece. At the end of the day, she partly tells me about parts of her life because my vocation is a counsellor.

Ive never once said that I’m a cool young aunt. I’ve stated our ages as a matter of fact. Because it’s common knowledge that ages and relatability have some correlation.

Edited

As a counsellor, I’m sure you know that it would be very inappropriate for you to provide counselling to a family member. It’s great that you have a close relationship with your niece, but it sounds like you need to take a step back especially when it comes to her relationship with you sister. Perhaps you could help her to find a good independent therapist who can take over.

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 22:26

Pallisers · 16/02/2026 22:25

Read the thread. The sister insists on family only at the weekends. IF OP had booked it for the weekend the sister would be complaining about that and posters on here would be telling her she overstepped THAT mark.

Make your mind up.

Either the niece is 18 and can make her own decisions without her mum’s permission or she can’t.

Pallisers · 16/02/2026 22:25

Read the thread. The sister insists on family only at the weekends. IF OP had booked it for the weekend the sister would be complaining about that and posters on here would be telling her she overstepped THAT mark.

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 22:24

Pallisers · 16/02/2026 22:23

It’s not her counsin’s birthdays either, is it, but they’re all invited along to enjoy the nieces “birthday treats”.

They are all under the age of 5 and OP can't exactly leave them on their own at home can she? It has to be a weekday because sister says weekends are for family so, no, OP's husband can't mind them - he is working.

The niece is 18, and as you’ve said, she doesn’t need her mum’s permission. She can very much spend an afternoon with her aunt sans cousins at the weekend.

But it’s not about that.

Pallisers · 16/02/2026 22:24

If you know your sister wouldn’t like it, then it probably was overstepping the mark.

What mark is that? The niece is 18. Can no one interact with her without her mum's permission??

Pallisers · 16/02/2026 22:23

It’s not her counsin’s birthdays either, is it, but they’re all invited along to enjoy the nieces “birthday treats”.

They are all under the age of 5 and OP can't exactly leave them on their own at home can she? It has to be a weekday because sister says weekends are for family so, no, OP's husband can't mind them - he is working.

redjeans28 · 16/02/2026 22:22

Tangit · 16/02/2026 22:18

She should/could have arranged it at the weekend when husband was off work to look after their three kids.

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Oh FFS, RTFT.

Shinyandnew1 · 16/02/2026 22:22

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 19:02

@ToKittyornottoKitty last I spoke to my niece she liked that it was girls only!

@2026Y they younger than my niece but both teenagers at high school. It’s during school holidays but their dad works from home.

I can’t even tell if my nephews would want to come! But my sister has always had an odd attitude to events and will never do anything unless all her kids are with her

If you know your sister wouldn’t like it, then it probably was overstepping the mark.

Pallisers · 16/02/2026 22:21

What does your sister's daughter's age have to do with anything?
It's still odd that you planned all this without consultation.

You've answered your own question there. If the niece was 4 then the OP should have consulted the mother. Given that her niece is 18 - 18! why the hell is it odd that her aunt invites her somewhere without asking her mummy first. And how long more is that thing about not doing non-family things at the weekend going to last for the OP's sister. I don't know any teen who would go along with that - still less an 18 year old.

The whole thing is weird from the OP's sister. And the posters claiming the OP is trying to steal her niece or that her "job" is to mend her sister's relationship with her child rather than build her own relationship with her own niece are just weird too.

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 22:21

redjeans28 · 16/02/2026 22:19

Excluding the brothers? It's not their birthdays is it? I can't stand these parents who insist their children have to do everything together. I can't believe OP's niece can't get her own birthday treats without it becoming about her brothers.

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It’s not her counsin’s birthdays either, is it, but they’re all invited along to enjoy the nieces “birthday treats”.

redjeans28 · 16/02/2026 22:19

Tangit · 16/02/2026 22:08

Probably only said yes to the little cousins coming as it'd be rude to say no - especially as you're paying.

I don't think this was intended as a girlie day out at all - you're stumped for childcare and HAVE to bring your sprogs along. The lass is turning 18, an adult day out would've been more appropriate. You're really excluding the brothers and I hope they're not resentful for it. You could at least have asked and given them the chance to say no thanks if they didn't want to come.

Edited
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Excluding the brothers? It's not their birthdays is it? I can't stand these parents who insist their children have to do everything together. I can't believe OP's niece can't get her own birthday treats without it becoming about her brothers.

Original poster
Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 22:19

@ProfessionalPirate you dont know me personally. I’d never say anything against my sister to her own daughter. Just because she confides in me about things does not mean I break the boundaries of auntie and niece. At the end of the day, she partly tells me about parts of her life because my vocation is a counsellor.

Ive never once said that I’m a cool young aunt. I’ve stated our ages as a matter of fact. Because it’s common knowledge that ages and relatability have some correlation.

OP posts:
ProfessionalPirate · 16/02/2026 22:19

And FWIW, I’m sure your niece loves her cousins, but I really doubt that afternoon tea with 3 under 5s is going to be much fun for an 18 year old. Or any adult. Couldn’t you get childcare for a couple of hours? As well as being more enjoyable for everyone, I imagine then that your sister would have much less of an objection to her other children not attending then too.