To ask that my nephews don’t come

It's not the little cousins' birthdays either though.

I feel as if you may have missed that the niece is 18 and not a young child. What would the sister do if next year her DD organises a girls day for herself?

Yeah the ‘closer’ comment struck me too. It reads as though OP is revelling in being the favourite.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it! Family relationships can be tough for sure, hope it works out.

I thought the Niece was in high school?

Oh come on now, the niece is 18yrs old now - an adult, hardly a "kid" anymore.

Some people like to stick together as a family. It’s a different way of doing things, but not necessarily wrong. If your sister’s main failing as a parent is that she likes to do things all together then I don’t think that’s the worst thing in the world. It’s not your place to disagree with the way your sister parents her children.

I was on the other side of this when I was young - I have two brothers, and my parents would often divide their time with us. I absolutely hated being left behind when my dad took my brothers away on rugby trips etc. I’m still full of resentment about it now! Sometimes there’s no one right answer.

So you think your niece is closer to you than her mum? You sound smug and irritating.

Seriously though, if you knew she doesn't like doing things separately and likes all the kids together, you're interfering and that'd piss me off.
If you knew this you're bang out of order putting her in an uncomfortable and awkward situation.

Your niece is an adult, why are you even consulting your sister about it? Just say what you've planned and ask if she wants to attend.

😂 this
I have teen boys, I can just imagine their faces at being told all that.
Problem solved, they'd be running in the opposite direction 😁

But my sister has always had an odd attitude to events and will never do anything unless all her kids are with her

If you knew this, wasn't it a bit daft to arrange something that left out two of her kids?

But I can disagree with my sister refusing to do things without my nephews always being present.

But you’re not simply disagreeing with your sister, you are actively interfering. You have engineered a situation to force her to do just that, and rather than be honest about it, you’re trying to dress it up as a “girls day”.

Does it occur to you that she isn’t refusing to come to the afternoon tea because her other children aren’t invited, but rather that she can see exactly what you’re doing?

Just because your niece confides in you doesn’t mean you have a closer relationship to her than her mum, that comment sound a bit off.

i think you should of spoken to you sister before making plans, normally mums make these types of decisions.

Are you able to get the baby minded for the day? I think a baby would be less fun to have at an afternoon tea than the bday girls own brothers who I imagine are more than capable of chatting/eating some nice treats with their mum/nan and aunty.

TBF, if my sister (who has only boys) asked my two sons to a birthday event, and not my daughter, just because she's a girl, I wouldn't be very happy. I wouldn't accept her being excluded in this way.

Well you’ll just have to decide if these interactions are worth the potential damage to your relationship with your sister and possibly your wider family too.

Out of interest, do you think your sister really is a shit mum, or is your niece just full of typical teenage angst?

Out of interest OP, if you organised a boys' treat for the nephews would your sister insist that your niece had to be included? Or does it only work one way?

Your sister's a dick. No wonder they have a strained relationship.

If I were you, if it's already booked, I'd just adjust the numbers and make it you and your ADULT niece now instead. As an adult, your niece doesn't need her mum's permission to go out with you.

Is your sister one of these people who thinks having boys is better than girls?

I'm glad your niece has a good relationship with you, it's such a shame that her mother is trying to spoil her birthday treat. Absolutely nothing wrong with organising a girlie day, sounds lovely.

I'd imagine your niece would probably prefer it just the two of you anyway, considering her relationship with her mother isn't great.

No way would I cave and invite the nephews. It's not their thing (as in you said they're into xbox etc.), and them being there would change the vibe and obviously no longer be a girlie thing. It would also completely change the chat.

As your niece is 18, your sister literally has no say in this now.

I’m really struggling to understand how this can be a special treat for your niece’s birthday, so her brothers can’t attend, but your 3 children can. There is no logic there.

On the other hand, if you are trying to engineer a situation to get your sister to
spend time with her daughter without her sons present, then that is overstepping, it is absolutely not your place to do that and I can see why your sister isn’t happy about it.

Yes I agree with this. I think inviting niece out for a meal just the two of you, or even to join your family, would be fine. But once you start inviting mum and granny, it becomes this proper birthday event that you’ve organised. I’m trying to imagine how I would feel if my sibling invited me to my own child’s birthday party that they had single-handedly organised. I don’t think I’d be thrilled about it tbh. Stepping on my toes a bit.

OP you have done nothing wrong. In my
family, your plans would make complete sense. There would be zero drama. And goodness, there are some idiots who post here!

It could have also worked if you hadn’t invited your mum and sister, and it was just you and your kids taking your niece out for an 18th birthday treat from the four of you. This would have been a treat in addition to whatever else anyone has planned for her.

I’d cancel the event - saying there’s been a hiccup. Wait a few weeks then check with niece which days she is available to go for tea with you and her cousins - your treat!