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To ask that my nephews don’t come

386 replies

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 18:58

My niece is going through the usual hardships that many teenagers go through at high school. So for her birthday I decided to organise a girls only afternoon tea, and I invited my mum, sister, and niece to come along with my own two daughters and my son (because I’m on mat leave with him).

However, it’s caused a major argument with my sister (whose daughter I planned the event to celebrate). She is annoyed that I didn’t include my two nephews in the invite. I said for my niece, I thought it would be nice to make it girls only and not have her brothers there now she’s older. Now my sister is saying that she’s not going to come and therefore won’t bring my niece either, unless I include my nephews. She also used as an argument that my 6 month old will be there and he’s a boy. Not sure this is of relevance but I’m paying for the event.

should I include my nephews or stand my groundy daughters are still young but I always intentionally do some special things for just them and me and plan to continue that so I didn’t think I would offend anyone by planning this.

OP posts:
Cattywillow · 17/02/2026 00:30

PineappleMelon · 16/02/2026 19:02

I think you should have made it just you and your niece. By including almost everyone it does feel a bit like you’re excluding the nephews… just because they have penises.

This. Of course you can choose whoever you invite, but don’t be shocked if you hurt feelings when you leave certain people out. As the mother of sons who have been routinely excluded from ‘girls events’ in the family - it has consequences. These same people will turn around when the boys are teenagers and say ‘oh you know boys they never want to be involved, they’re just not interested in family like girls are’. It starts somewhere.

Wanttobefree2 · 17/02/2026 00:12

My mum tries to do things like this and I don’t like it, my son would LOVE afternoon tea and probably more than his sister. Unless there is a big age difference and the boys can’t behave themselves then I don’t understand why you would leave them out. Pretty sure you wouldn’t take the boys out and leave their sister behind.

TequilaNights · 17/02/2026 00:05

Thats insane, but if you always cave, she probably knows you will so won't let up until you do.

Id honestly tell her your just taking your niece out and sod everyone else.

Its all about her after all, dont let her mum spoil it.

ProfessionalPirate · 17/02/2026 00:04

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Hibernating80 · 17/02/2026 00:02

It's a family event, why on earth would you exclude them just because they are boys? Boys can enjoy afternoon tea with their sister. You meant well, but you're upsetting your family and thie birthday is now a drama.

Littlebitofthis1 · 17/02/2026 00:00

@ProfessionalPirate cool, flogging a dead horse here so going to stop replying to your comments now. Thanks for the engagement! Hope you can get over that resentment you’re holding onto re not going to the rugby matches with your bros and dad growing up.

OP posts:
ProfessionalPirate · 16/02/2026 23:52

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 23:42

@ProfessionalPirate i mean this as politely as possible, but I am part of my family and you are being given a small insight.

I am not planning a birthday party for my niece. It is not taking place on her birthday or even the same month as her birthday. I want to celebrate her, I had an idea which I went to her with and she was very excited about. She will be having her own birthday celebration with her friends separately. And besides, her other aunties couldn’t make it because they are working.

You’ve posted your ‘small insight’ into your family situation onto AIBU to gather opinions. You can’t then control the opinions given. We are all forming them on the same information. If you don’t like people disagreeing with you, maybe don’t start threads on mumsnet?

You have described a special gathering of several family members in honour of your niece’s birthday. I’d say that would fall into the category of ‘birthday party’ for most people.

Muffinmam · 16/02/2026 23:51

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 19:02

@ToKittyornottoKitty last I spoke to my niece she liked that it was girls only!

@2026Y they younger than my niece but both teenagers at high school. It’s during school holidays but their dad works from home.

I can’t even tell if my nephews would want to come! But my sister has always had an odd attitude to events and will never do anything unless all her kids are with her

That‘s not an “odd attitude” it’s normal parental behaviour not to exclude part of family.

How do you not understand this??

Youremylobster86 · 16/02/2026 23:50

SugarPuffSandwiches · 16/02/2026 23:43

The OP says she's at high school?

You can be 18 in High School (sixth form)

Pinepeak2434 · 16/02/2026 23:48

My daughter is the only girl child on my side and she would have really enjoyed a girls only day, as she always felt left out by the boys (including her brother). If my sister had planned something for my daughter like this it would have been appreciated.

SugarPuffSandwiches · 16/02/2026 23:43

ReadingSoManyThreads · 16/02/2026 23:16

Oh come on now, the niece is 18yrs old now - an adult, hardly a "kid" anymore.

The OP says she's at high school?

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 23:42

@ProfessionalPirate i mean this as politely as possible, but I am part of my family and you are being given a small insight.

I am not planning a birthday party for my niece. It is not taking place on her birthday or even the same month as her birthday. I want to celebrate her, I had an idea which I went to her with and she was very excited about. She will be having her own birthday celebration with her friends separately. And besides, her other aunties couldn’t make it because they are working.

OP posts:
ProfessionalPirate · 16/02/2026 23:41

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 23:36

@Applecup im genuinely not saying it out of any smugness. She’s just going through normal teenage life, and right now she’s at a stage where she will contact me and ask to see me. Of course her mum is her mum. She mostly confides in her Dad and they do loads together and drop by our house on the way home from things.

Sounds like your niece enjoys your company more than her mum’s at the moment (typical teen) but that doesn’t automatically make you ‘closer’.

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 23:36

@Applecup im genuinely not saying it out of any smugness. She’s just going through normal teenage life, and right now she’s at a stage where she will contact me and ask to see me. Of course her mum is her mum. She mostly confides in her Dad and they do loads together and drop by our house on the way home from things.

OP posts:
ProfessionalPirate · 16/02/2026 23:33

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 23:17

@Youremylobster86 this is actually how it kind of went. When I called her on the phone to explain what I was booking, I asked if she wanted to come because my niece has said she’d like my mum (her granny there) so I then agreed with my niece if we’re widening it out to all the girls in the family then it would be nice for her mum and other 2 aunties too.

She was on board with that! But yeah the moment my sister is invited to things it’s conditional to including my nephews. Sadly my sister has lost friendships because of it.

So there are other aunties invited too?!

You must be pretty tone deaf if you really can’t see how this could be seen as stepping on your sister’s toes. How would you feel if your sister or MIL organised your daughter’s birthday party without consulting you? Or any other important milestone that would usually be the responsibility of the mother?

If you want a girls get-together then organise one. But let your sister organise her own daughter’s 18th birthday party.

Tangit · 16/02/2026 23:32

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 23:26

I didn’t miss anything and I don’t understand your comment either.

Edited

I think this was aimed at me as I echoed what you'd said.

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 23:29

ProfessionalPirate · 16/02/2026 23:19

Yeah the ‘closer’ comment struck me too. It reads as though OP is revelling in being the favourite.

Yep. Like it reinforces her belief that she is a better parent than her sister.

Tamtim · 16/02/2026 23:28

What a wonderful aunt you are. Your sister is being ridiculous. If you know your nephews won’t be interested, ask them if they want to join you or if they would prefer not to. Take their responses back to your sister.

Tangit · 16/02/2026 23:26

budgiegirl · 16/02/2026 22:54

TBF, if my sister (who has only boys) asked my two sons to a birthday event, and not my daughter, just because she's a girl, I wouldn't be very happy. I wouldn't accept her being excluded in this way.

This!

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 23:26

redjeans28 · 16/02/2026 23:19

I feel as if you may have missed that the niece is 18 and not a young child. What would the sister do if next year her DD organises a girls day for herself?

I didn’t miss anything and I don’t understand your comment either.

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 23:26

redjeans28 · 16/02/2026 23:23

Maybe you missed it in OP's posts but she can't get childcare for her children on that day.

Maybe she can arrange it for another day when she can get childcare?

Perhaps, if she wasn’t inviting the rest of the family (not just her nephews), then she would be able to get childcare?

redjeans28 · 16/02/2026 23:23

Tangit · 16/02/2026 23:19

It's not the little cousins' birthdays either though.

Maybe you missed it in OP's posts but she can't get childcare for her children on that day.

Crunchy7 · 16/02/2026 23:22

Yes this totally agree with this ! @Applecup

Youremylobster86 · 16/02/2026 23:21

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 23:17

@Youremylobster86 this is actually how it kind of went. When I called her on the phone to explain what I was booking, I asked if she wanted to come because my niece has said she’d like my mum (her granny there) so I then agreed with my niece if we’re widening it out to all the girls in the family then it would be nice for her mum and other 2 aunties too.

She was on board with that! But yeah the moment my sister is invited to things it’s conditional to including my nephews. Sadly my sister has lost friendships because of it.

You are definitely not being unreasonable, that is crazy behaviour.

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 23:19

@Crunchy7 she is - her final year!

OP posts: