To ask that my nephews don’t come

Taking my disclosure about my childhood and mocking me with it - nice. Tells us a lot about the sort of person you are.

No, but most of the family seem to have been invited to this event so the sister may feel that another family event would be repetitive. Most people’s birthday parties don’t fall on their actual birthday, I’m not sure that really changes anything.

If I was the sister, I think it would possibly feel weird to organise another birthday meal out a week or two later inviting all the same people (plus extras).

I think the OP should have run this idea past the sister before she organised it, not just presented a fait accompli when she invited the sister as an apparent afterthought. For all she knew the sister was planning to organise something similar herself.

Isn't it A celebration rather than THE celebration. I didn't think was the only or main birthday party/ celebration and it's not on the girls actual birthday either

Nothing at all stopping the girls mother for organizing stuff alao

It’s not a backstory, it’s the conclusion I have drawn based on the OP’s testimony. I don’t know for sure that the sister is pissed about the OP overstepping (any more than you know that she isn’t) but I believe it’s a distinct possibility. I know I would be.

As for teenage nephews, yes I have several myself. One wouldn’t be remotely interested in afternoon tea. The others would love it. Turns out teenagers aren’t all the same! Who knew!

@Littlebitofthis1 I think this is a lovely idea and don’t know why anyone is giving you grief. My sister is a fab auntie and regularly sees my kids individually and has done for years. Once they were teens they arranged their own get togethers and it’s nothing to do with me or the wider family

I suppose it depends if it is just the OP and niece or OP and a brood of preschoolers.

And don't you hate it when a mn creates their own back story and narrative 😉

I see nothing wrong with wanting to have a girls afternoon the OP explained why that had to be done with her children about as her own sisters rules dictated certain time.

Teenagers slot in well?! I have a number of teenage nephews who sound similar to the OPs (want gaming stuff that's what they enjoy etc) who would not appreciate an afternoon sat drinking tea is the alternative is gaming!

I think the post from OP’s sister would be more likely to read…
’AIBU to be fuming that my younger sister - who loves being a ‘cool aunt’ and making out that her relationship with my daughter is closer than mine - has gone behind my back to organise my daughters 18th birthday celebration. She graciously invited me recently - about third down the list. It’s not looking anything like the way I would have organised it myself, I’m not keen on the guest list. But since she’s invited most of the family, I don’t feel like I can go ahead and do my own thing with them again so soon. Just feels like sis is massively undermining me.

So tedious when a mumsnetter accuses someone who dares to disagree with the OP as being the antagonist in question 🙄

Yes I agree there’s a big difference - the under 5s will change the tone massively, whereas the teenagers should slot in well. And you have no idea whether or not they want to be there, not all teenagers are the same.

We’ve only had OP’s side of the story but it doesn’t sound to me like she wants to help import her niece’s relationship with her mum - far from it, she seems to be revelling in the drama and stirring the pot. That’s how her posts have come across to me, anyway. I don’t think this is really about the teenage boys attending, I think the OP’s sister is fed up with OP overstepping with her daughter.

And it’s 4 adult females attending, with 2 others invited who were unable to attend. Plus the three cousins.

Can’t wait for OP to invite niece on holiday the two of them in a few years and the sister to be insisting the brothers come too.

Imagine this as a reverse. “My daughter is turning 18 later this year. My sister wants to take us out for a girly afternoon tea to celebrate (not on the day or even the same month). It would be my sister, my daughter and me, our mum and my sister’s two little girls - and baby son. It’s on a weekday so childcare is a factor. This would mean leaving out my two boys, our husbands and our brothers. AIBU to say this is not happening unless my teenage sons are invited too?”

agreed. Not sure why OP is getting a hard time.

I think some people just want to argue and cause a fuss about anything on here.

Are you the OPs sister by any chance?! Your posts certainly come across as if you are!

There is a big difference with having to bring along very young children to bringing along 2 teenagers who probably don't want to be there.

I also find it bizarre a parent insisting teenagers do everything together and every invite.

It sounds like the niece could do with some support and cheering up and maybe some adult female time. It also sounds like the mum and daughter could also do with some bonding time which doesn't include her brothers.
The sister is being blinkered if she doesn't see this and if her daughter is going to uni away from home then has limited time to fix the bond.

I hardly think 3 adult females makes it a gathering or a party, just an afternoon out.

Everyone is different. Especially with teens. It’s common in most families to do separate things sometimes as not everyone likes the same things!!

OP at no point have you answered anyone around why you can’t do something just with your niece? If it’s that important, surely your DH can take a day off to mind your kids. Or you could take her out for dinner of an evening?

Out of interest if your older two kids were boys, would you still be doing it? As then it definitely wouldn’t be a girly afternoon.

Your attitude towards your sister is also pretty horrible to be honest, you sound very smug and as if you think you’re a much better parent than her, when you aren’t even past the pre school phase of parenting yourself. Your excuse about forgetting to tell your sister because you’re sixth months post partum is rubbish. Overall you just sound like you’re trying to drive a wedge between the family and you seem pretty immature about it all too.

This event may very well be the niece’s main/only wider family birthday celebration. I don’t think it’s that strange to want the birthday girl’s siblings to be a part of it. I imagine the poor mum wants to try and claw back some degree of control over what should have been her prerogative to organise anyway.

Celebrating her would be fine, and I don't think anyone disagreed with you wanting to do something special with her, the issue remains why didn't you do it just the two of you though knowing the full story?

I agree with others that by inviting all the female members of the family it has become a party, especially as you have said it's to celebrate your niece.
You haven't chosen to do this any other year and you have specifically said it's for your niece - not just some female gathering, so that makes it a party.

It’s a family gathering to celebrate a milestone birthday. Not a date, not a job interview (wtf). There are going to be 3 under 5s in attendance as it is. I’d have thought that would cramp an 18 year old’s style far more than having her slightly younger brothers there.

She is 18 not 8. Girls only is lovely. After all this I would say next year do your own thing with her.

My kids learned early on that not everybody has to be invited to everything. Shame some adults here don’t seem to understand that. They seem to want to make a drama about this and get offended for the sake of it.

You know school is until 18? My daughter is 18 and is in high school.

Seriously. Really bonkers and male centered. “But why about the menz?!?!” Some boy moms are never beating the allegations, ever.

Everyone saying the nephews should be invited - at what age are we allowed to do things without our siblings? OP’s DN is turning 18, her siblings are younger teenagers than she is. Is DN going to have to invite them on her next date, job interview, girls holiday…? At 18 I’d have LOATHED having my younger brother tagging along to something that was meant to be about me.

OPs afternoon tea isn’t even happening in the same month as DNs birthday, so she’s not taking it over, or excluding people from a celebration.

That‘s not an “odd attitude” it’s normal parental behaviour not to exclude immediate family members from a birthday celebration- purely on the basis of sex.

How do you not understand this??

If you can’t afford to host - then don’t host at all. It’s very weird.

@Littlebitofthis1 your sister is being a bit of a knob. It’s also weird that she can’t spend any time without her boys there. How sad for your niece.

I have a son and I leave him at home sometimes to f I want to spend time my nieces. Sometimes you just don’t want teenage boys about, it changes the dynamic. I’ve even taken my nieces away and left my son behind. He is totally fine about it, funnily enough he likes spending time with his uncles without women or girls there 🤷‍♀️