To ask that my nephews don’t come

Yes, as the mother of a boy and girl this is where I am coming from. I am also in the position of the OP ironically - much younger than my siblings with teenage nieces / nephews that probably view me as quite ‘cool’ compared to their older parents. I can’t imagine riding so roughshod over my siblings / SILs like the OP has done.

Yuk.

Some women are really toxic as fuck about boys. They are children, not men.

Anyway, the issue appears to be that ALL of the OP’s children are welcome to come along, but not her sister’s children.

The only person who has made it about them being male is the OP. Her sister, on the other hand, would like all of her children to be at the celebration, just like how all of the OP’s children will be there.

So, it’s fine for younger cousins to attend, but not younger siblings? Now that is bonkers.

The more I think about it the more I do think it was a bit weird to take over planning of daughters 18th and arrange an afternoon tea for girls only without asking mum first.

I think you’ve tired to do a nice thing but you have probably stepped on some toes and I would have personally gone about it another way.

You should of either done a little afternoon tea for you and your niece - just the 2 of you

OR

Spoke to your sister about it before hand to see how she felt about it being girls only.

I could imagine as a mum to both boy and girl how odd it would be for my sister to message me out of the blue “right I’m planning a family afternoon tea for your daughters birthday - girls only so her brother can’t come”

Although I know you’re doing it with good intentions you’ve over stepped in my opinion, you’ve had a nice aunt and niece afternoon tea a family afternoon tea and excluded your nephews.

Patient and polite? We can’t be reading the same thread. Not for you to tell me what I’m allowed to be offended by. Plenty of other posters also think the OP was overstepping in arranging this party. I think you’re pursuing your own agenda here.

Come off it. You are like a dog with a bone trying to find nefarious motives/reasons for OP arranging a girls only afternoon tea for her niece.

Many posters have been pretty rude and judgemental towards OP and she has remained patient and polite.

Really not your place to organise it without discussing it with her mother first. You're trying to better her parents

I don’t think it’s unusual to have a girls only day but I would have called my sister first to ask what she thought and if she wanted to come.
I probably would have kept it to just me, my sister and niece so it’s more of an adult treat - fine to bring the baby at 6 months - and then it would have been more of a treat for your niece and less of a family day out your nephews weren’t invited to.
If your sister doesn’t want to come can you just take your niece?

Some people are batshit 😂

It is perfectly ok to have a 'girly day' and not invite boys, we do not need to centre the male of the species in every single blooming thing we do, and I say that as someone who has many men I love in my life, including my son.

The OP has explained over and over that the reason her children have to go is because her Sister doesn't want anything planned on the weekend, as that's her family time. The OP has also explained that it's FOR her Niece's birthday, not ON her Niece's birthday, so no overstepping on birthday celebrations.

OP, I think it's a lovely thing you're trying to do, your sister is being a menace 😄

Please. My view of the OP’s intentions are that she is merely a bit immature and thoughtless. And unwilling to consider other viewpoints (although I think most people posting on AIBU tick that box - me included I dare say!) Does that really qualify as the most spiteful thing you’ve ever seen on mumsnet?!

And so you would really be totally cool if your sibling, while making herself out to be a much better parent and mother figure for your daughter than you are, went and organised a milestone family birthday party for her without any prior consultation with you, inviting you only as an afterthought?

We have clearly interpreted the OP’s posts very differently.

Your interpretation of the OP’s intentions re treating her niece was one of the most spiteful I have seen on MN. And it’s a crowded field.

🙏 Thank you for actually replying rather than resorting to the crappy personal remarks like everyone else seems to be.

Anyway to respond - what could the sister have done easily, organise her own party? But the OP got in there so quickly and without consultation, she may have felt like there wasn’t a chance.

It struck me when reading the OP that it would piss me off massively if a sibling of mine organised an 18th birthday party for my child and then invited me as an afterthought. Especially if that sibling reckoned their relationship with their child was so much better and closer than my own. The OP hasn’t been able to accuse her sister of any serious parenting misdemeanours, so it’s likely this is just a typical teenage phase.

My take is that for the sister this isn’t really just about inviting the nephews. I imagine her problem with the OP runs far deeper.

😂 thanks confirming that you have nothing useful to contribute. I could say the same about your investment on the other team, but that would be childish of me.

Well the sister could've done so easily. She's not even arguing about that though

Wow some serious mental leaps being made on the thread.

I hope OP saves her money and just takes herself and her kids out for a nice tea, and DN sacks everyone off including her brothers and runs away to Ibiza for her birthday. 😁

I think your sister has found your thread @Littlebitofthis1!

This is a bizarre level of investment on this poster’s part.

Is that me you are accusing of being desperately unhappy and bitter? Since when did it become a thing on mumsnet to just verbally abuse a poster instead of engaging in the actual discussion? I suppose if you can’t form and argument it’s the only option left to you.

Here we go again. Don’t like what a mumsnetter has to say but rather than engage in the discussion you knock them down and call them overly invested. Great tactic.

Well it’s still a significant proportion of the family. My point still stands that re-inviting these people to a repeat birthday meal out may not be something the sister will want to do.

Only someone desperately bitter and unhappy surely could have such a mean-spirited take on the OP’s birthday tea plans. Goodness!

You seem to be overly invested in this. Maybe step away and take up creative writing as a hobby?

It’s a good life lesson to learn that one’s presence is not desired or required in every circumstance.

Surely your sister’s argument is pointless as she can’t speak on behalf of your adult niece? So if your sister doesn’t want to come then fair enough-carry on with your plans.

I was responding to a post asking if the Mum would have an issue with the sons not being included in a holiday. Including pre schoolers changes the dynamic. One is a chance for niece to let her hair down with the OP, the other sounds more like an opportunity for the OP to use niece for free childcare.

not most of the family, none of the dads, uncles or sons are invited. they're having a girls outing.

its not only the teen boys who are uninvited.

the brood of preschoolers are OP’s children - why is it so weird the idea of inviting one other more distant family member (esp an adult) to join a nuclear family on holiday or on a trip. Heck I’ve had individual friends’ kids over plenty of times and would def invite my niece on her own eg to the theatre when she’s older, alone with any preschoolers I might have lying around.

I just bet that if the OP had suggested taking one of the nephews out to do something he enjoyed for his birthday treat there’s no way anyone would be saying his big sister should come too.

This is giving me such strong flashbacks to being a teenager and one of my friends always being forced to bring his younger brother out with him on all our nights out/trips. None of knew why he was there and neither did he.