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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask that my nephews don’t come

386 replies

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 18:58

My niece is going through the usual hardships that many teenagers go through at high school. So for her birthday I decided to organise a girls only afternoon tea, and I invited my mum, sister, and niece to come along with my own two daughters and my son (because I’m on mat leave with him).

However, it’s caused a major argument with my sister (whose daughter I planned the event to celebrate). She is annoyed that I didn’t include my two nephews in the invite. I said for my niece, I thought it would be nice to make it girls only and not have her brothers there now she’s older. Now my sister is saying that she’s not going to come and therefore won’t bring my niece either, unless I include my nephews. She also used as an argument that my 6 month old will be there and he’s a boy. Not sure this is of relevance but I’m paying for the event.

should I include my nephews or stand my groundy daughters are still young but I always intentionally do some special things for just them and me and plan to continue that so I didn’t think I would offend anyone by planning this.

OP posts:
Moonnstarz · 16/02/2026 19:24

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 19:13

Thanks for all the responses! It’s given me some
things to think about.

i can clarify now that my nephews are both teenagers. They 100% do not want to be seen dead with me for a treat day when it’s their birthdays haha, they always ask specifically for money or an Xbox game.

i probably should have consulted my sister beforehand though, that’s my fault. My sister is 14 years older than me and at this stage of life my niece is closer to me than her mum. She confides in me that she feels her mum prefers her brothers over her so my postpartum brain just went ahead and planned a girls only event thinking my sister would be on board as she knows my niece feels they have a strained relationship

It does very much sound like you have organised a party for your niece which is something a parent would usually do. While your sister might not have such a close relationship with her daughter, you could have made this suggestion to her about how you thought niece might like some time with just female family members only such as afternoon tea. I think by organising something like this, which you say your niece likes, makes the situation worse between niece and her mum as it's now like her mum can't organise something special, it has to be her Auntie and exaggerates how she feels her mum is out of touch.

I think you could have taken niece out on your own rather than organising a family outing and that would have been more appropriate.

HotChocCreamAndMarshmallows · 16/02/2026 19:24

PineappleMelon · 16/02/2026 19:02

I think you should have made it just you and your niece. By including almost everyone it does feel a bit like you’re excluding the nephews… just because they have penises.

🙄

HotChocCreamAndMarshmallows · 16/02/2026 19:22

Moonnstarz · 16/02/2026 19:00

I think you have overstepped by organising this without consulting her mum.

Oh give over.

101Alsatians · 16/02/2026 19:21

LifeisLemons · 16/02/2026 19:12

Erm. Yes, of course the person paying gets to dictate who they’re willing to pay for.

How are you even querying this?

Anyone demanding that the person footing the bill has to cover additional guests is a total cheeky fucker IMO!

Show quote history

Bear with me, I missed the OPs update by 2 whole minutes 😑

If they were closer in age,then No - I think you're asking for trouble. Not all sibling dynamics are easy, and just saying boys/girls only won't work for everyone.

Just talk it through with the parent.It's a lovely idea for your DNiece though.

SweeetFannyAdams · 16/02/2026 19:19

How can you 'stand your ground' if your sister won't let her daughter go?

Original poster
Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 19:19

@wanderingstarz not sure if this makes any difference but it’s for her birthday, not on her birthday. I have kids too and would find it odd if someone planned an event on their actual birthday day

OP posts:
wanderingstarz · 16/02/2026 19:17

I think it's up to your sister to organise how her daughter celebrates her birthday.

PussInBin20 · 16/02/2026 19:17

How old is niece, how old are nephews?

2026Y · 16/02/2026 19:17

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 19:02

@ToKittyornottoKitty last I spoke to my niece she liked that it was girls only!

@2026Y they younger than my niece but both teenagers at high school. It’s during school holidays but their dad works from home.

I can’t even tell if my nephews would want to come! But my sister has always had an odd attitude to events and will never do anything unless all her kids are with her

YANBU - your sister sounds most odd.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 16/02/2026 19:16

The argument about another boy being a baby is ridiculous.

I don’t think the boys would be interested in this party either won’t they just want to be out or on their Xbox?

Original poster
Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 19:13

Thanks for all the responses! It’s given me some
things to think about.

i can clarify now that my nephews are both teenagers. They 100% do not want to be seen dead with me for a treat day when it’s their birthdays haha, they always ask specifically for money or an Xbox game.

i probably should have consulted my sister beforehand though, that’s my fault. My sister is 14 years older than me and at this stage of life my niece is closer to me than her mum. She confides in me that she feels her mum prefers her brothers over her so my postpartum brain just went ahead and planned a girls only event thinking my sister would be on board as she knows my niece feels they have a strained relationship

OP posts:
LifeisLemons · 16/02/2026 19:12

101Alsatians · 16/02/2026 19:04

Just cos you're paying doesn't mean you get to dictate dynamics.I would have consulted her mother first.

How old are her brothers?Will they need childcare at this girls only event,or are we talking teenagers that probs wouldn't be seen dead at afternoon tea anyway?

Erm. Yes, of course the person paying gets to dictate who they’re willing to pay for.

How are you even querying this?

Anyone demanding that the person footing the bill has to cover additional guests is a total cheeky fucker IMO!

DriveboyDogboy · 16/02/2026 19:07

Tableforjoan · 16/02/2026 19:03

I don’t get why people are asking the boys ages?

The girl is a teen she’s likely to not want her 13 year old brothers or 7 year old brothers at her birthday girly treat. I’d also assume she knows her niece well enough.

I asked because it felt relevant with their Mum attending. Were they young enough to mean that childcare needed sorting if Mum left them behind, were they an age where they can sit reliably for an hour or more or would they be a distraction, or were they teenagers who would rather be somewhere else than eating crustless sandwiches and dainty cake.

Ladamesansmerci · 16/02/2026 19:06

Perfectly normal to have a girls day sometimes. And perfectly normal to have a guys day too! You've done nothing wrong.

Can't the boy's father take them somewhere for the day and have some father-son bonding time?

Balloonhearts · 16/02/2026 19:06

Say they are welcome, ask what colour they want their nails painted, offer to make them judges for the fashion show in the dress shop/makeup counter afterwards and ask if they drink strawberry tea. If you can think of anything else traditionally 'girly' drop that in too.

Make it sound like hell on earth and the boys will do the arguing for you.

Tableforjoan · 16/02/2026 19:06

But it’s not the boys birthday 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

As long as ops willing to do a Boys treat for the birthday boy without his sister later on. Zero difference apart from op then doesn’t have a penis.

stichguru · 16/02/2026 19:05

To be honest, I don't agree with your sister on lots of levels, but if she isn't going to bring her daughter if she can't bring her sons, then you either do it and allow the boys to come, or don't do it. Which would you and your niece rather?

Mum1216 · 16/02/2026 19:05

I guess some like to keep everything equal and treat their dc the same. By doing this your niece is having a treat and they’re being left out. To your sister she might think you’re playing favourites.

stickydough · 16/02/2026 19:05

I think this sounds lovely but it would have been better to consult your sister before going ahead. Sibling dynamics can be tricky, I can see both sides. Maybe it’s worth saying that you wish you’d asked her thoughts first and how you can find a resolution now, as it doesn’t seem worth falling out over.

101Alsatians · 16/02/2026 19:04

Just cos you're paying doesn't mean you get to dictate dynamics.I would have consulted her mother first.

How old are her brothers?Will they need childcare at this girls only event,or are we talking teenagers that probs wouldn't be seen dead at afternoon tea anyway?

Motheroftheb · 16/02/2026 19:04

Your sister is being a tit. If she really wants to ruin her DD’s birthday treat I suggest you just rearrange taking your niece out another day and do something fun with her.

MayaPinion · 16/02/2026 19:04

How old are the kids? Does your DSis have childcare? Does your niece want them there? TBH it’s an afternoon tea - not a spa day or getting your nails done or anything traditionally’girlie’ so it does look like you’re excluding them because you don’t like them.

sprigatito · 16/02/2026 19:04

Edited because I am a complete prat who needs to learn to read.

DedododoDedadada · 16/02/2026 19:03

I guess it depends if you would do a similar thing for the boys without your niece for their birthdays.

Createausername1970 · 16/02/2026 19:03

I think that was a lovely suggestion. It might be that your sister doesn't have childcare for her son's? But it seems mean to deprived her daughter of a birthday treat.