Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask that my nephews don’t come

386 replies

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 18:58

My niece is going through the usual hardships that many teenagers go through at high school. So for her birthday I decided to organise a girls only afternoon tea, and I invited my mum, sister, and niece to come along with my own two daughters and my son (because I’m on mat leave with him).

However, it’s caused a major argument with my sister (whose daughter I planned the event to celebrate). She is annoyed that I didn’t include my two nephews in the invite. I said for my niece, I thought it would be nice to make it girls only and not have her brothers there now she’s older. Now my sister is saying that she’s not going to come and therefore won’t bring my niece either, unless I include my nephews. She also used as an argument that my 6 month old will be there and he’s a boy. Not sure this is of relevance but I’m paying for the event.

should I include my nephews or stand my groundy daughters are still young but I always intentionally do some special things for just them and me and plan to continue that so I didn’t think I would offend anyone by planning this.

OP posts:
nixon1976 · 16/02/2026 19:43

Just invite your 18 year old niece. She's an adult, she can do what she wants. It's hardly like she needs her mum to give her a ride. Your sister doesn't have to come if she doesn't want to leave her TEENAGE sons home alone

BuckChuckets · 16/02/2026 19:43

ThornsInACheapBouquet · 16/02/2026 19:40

Your niece is 18. She doesn’t need permission from her mum. If your sister won’t come it don’t mean your niece can’t.

This! I think it sounds like a lovely idea, OP.

nixon1976 · 16/02/2026 19:42

HotChocCreamAndMarshmallows · 16/02/2026 19:22

Oh give over.

Show quote history

This. The kids are teenagers! The sister is batshit

fyllnadspenna · 16/02/2026 19:41

Your sister sounds weird. If your sister will drag the boys along if you extend the invitation to them, I'd just do something different for now, wait a bit, then invite your niece for a one-to-one activity sometime. (Otherwise, I'd suggest inviting them in the belief that they won't be interested and would decline, but now your sister will probably make a point of them being there...)

Fortunately, if your niece is 18, she'll soon be out of your sister's clutches (sorry, but she really does sound like a witch, so no wonder your niece has problems with her).

ThornsInACheapBouquet · 16/02/2026 19:40

Your niece is 18. She doesn’t need permission from her mum. If your sister won’t come it don’t mean your niece can’t.

SweeetFannyAdams · 16/02/2026 19:39

Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 19:34

@SweeetFannyAdams its my niece….shes 18.

@RudolphRNR its not that deep, im 14 years younger than my sister so we’re at different stages in life. My niece is basically an adult now, i have 3 under the age of 5. My sis sets a boundary that they won’t do non family things on weekends so i respected that but in doing so my kids have to come. Plus my niece LOVES them

its my niece….shes 18.

What does your sister's daughter's age have to do with anything?

It's still odd that you planned all this without consultation.

Especially when you said there's a strained relationship there.

ETA: Actually even odder considering it's her 18th birthday and they could well have been busy on whatever day you chose.

Zanatdy · 16/02/2026 19:36

I bet they wouldn’t want to go anyway. I don’t see the harm in this, as long as you treat the boys in same manner (not necessarily a boys only thing but look out for them in same way). Shame your sister is being like this when you’re trying to do a nice thing.

Hereforthecommentz · 16/02/2026 19:36

Just seen your update your niece is 18. Take her for a bottomless brunch instead! Enjoy.

fartotheleftside · 16/02/2026 19:35

Perfectly reasonable for an auntie to do something like this for her niece.

mullers1977 · 16/02/2026 19:35

101Alsatians · 16/02/2026 19:04

Just cos you're paying doesn't mean you get to dictate dynamics.I would have consulted her mother first.

How old are her brothers?Will they need childcare at this girls only event,or are we talking teenagers that probs wouldn't be seen dead at afternoon tea anyway?

Of course paying dictates dynamics - it’s a birthday party you’re either invited or you’re not. I had a girls spa party at mine? One (awful) mum thought she’d drop her son off too… so entitled

abcdefgqrstuvw · 16/02/2026 19:35

Teen boys at afternoon tea would problem be very rare. Not to generalise but I just asked mine if he would go and he laughed. So probably not generally teen boys cups of tea.

yours sisters being a dick. If the boys want to come she can pay. Say you can’t stretch to anymore as on mat leave

Original poster
Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 19:34

@SweeetFannyAdams its my niece….shes 18.

@RudolphRNR its not that deep, im 14 years younger than my sister so we’re at different stages in life. My niece is basically an adult now, i have 3 under the age of 5. My sis sets a boundary that they won’t do non family things on weekends so i respected that but in doing so my kids have to come. Plus my niece LOVES them

OP posts:
101Alsatians · 16/02/2026 19:34

Hereforthecommentz · 16/02/2026 19:30

Your sister is weird, teenage boys won't want to go to an afternoon tea.

One of mine would.Cake etc.,he'd be down unless he specifically wasn't invited.

JingsMahBucket · 16/02/2026 19:33

@Littlebitofthis1 your sister is a batshit ingrate. She’s also extremely selfish because she’s willing to torpedo the gift for her own daughter/your niece just because she favours her sons.

Maybe change the plans so it’s only you and your niece for now and let that poor girl unload about her batshit mother. Snuggle and love on her as much as you can and be a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. This is going to be a lifelong issue. 💐

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 16/02/2026 19:32

Hereforthecommentz · 16/02/2026 19:30

Your sister is weird, teenage boys won't want to go to an afternoon tea.

Mine would have gone anywhere if food was involved 😄

JemimaTiggywinkles · 16/02/2026 19:32

I’m very close to my nieces but I think you’ve massively overstepped. If you know the relationship between your niece and her mum is difficult then your job is to try to help mend that relationship, not make things harder. Deliberately planning something to exclude your nephews does come across like you’re trying to prove something.

Hereforthecommentz · 16/02/2026 19:30

Your sister is weird, teenage boys won't want to go to an afternoon tea.

Giraffemug30 · 16/02/2026 19:29

Tableforjoan · 16/02/2026 19:03

I don’t get why people are asking the boys ages?

The girl is a teen she’s likely to not want her 13 year old brothers or 7 year old brothers at her birthday girly treat. I’d also assume she knows her niece well enough.

Probably because if the boys are 4 it might be a childcare issue (as everyone asking their ages has said). If they're 18 then not so much

Original poster
Littlebitofthis1 · 16/02/2026 19:29

Actually laughing at some of the responses that think doing girls/ boys only things is unfair. WOW! I plan to nurture both my relationships with my sons, daughters, niece and nephews equally but that doesn’t have to mean everyone gets to do everything all together at the same time always.

OP posts:
SweeetFannyAdams · 16/02/2026 19:29

It's just plain odd to plan something for someone else's child without checking with them first.

For all the OP knows they might've been busy on that day.

'6 month old postpartum brain' or not, it's still odd.

RudolphRNR · 16/02/2026 19:27

I think you complicated things by wanting to bring your own children along who are too young to enjoy an afternoon tea. By bringing them you turned it into a family occasion but with all except the nephews. What you intended, I think, was a more grown-up girly treat for your niece. Make it you, mum, sister and niece, or make it everyone.

Moonnstarz · 16/02/2026 19:27

HotChocCreamAndMarshmallows · 16/02/2026 19:22

Oh give over.

Show quote history

So you think it's ok for an auntie to effectively organise a party for their niece, selecting the guest list?
I would be rather annoyed if my sibling did something like this, especially having read that there is already a difficult relationship between mum and daughter. It feels like Auntie is showing how she can get it right, proving to the niece that her mum does prefer the boys.

TomatoSandwiches · 16/02/2026 19:27

Your sister is being weird imo and oddly possessive, not thinking of her daugthers preferences at all.
How old is your niece? Old enough to leave the house by herself? I'd just take her and your sister can play best mummy to her baby boys alone.

Frenchfrychic · 16/02/2026 19:26

Well the relationship won’t get any less strained if she behaves like this,
id say ok, I thought it was lovely for her, and she was happy, but if you wish me to cancel just say, and leave it there.

RudolphTheReindeer · 16/02/2026 19:25

I don't think it's unreasonable to have a girls day and the baby is irrelevant. I do think you may have overstepped slight by planning and paying for all this for your niece without asking her mum though. If I was her mum I'd definitely feel a bit put out. Will you give your nephews the same amount in cash as you're spending on this afternoon for your niece and other family members?