To not understand how DH does it re: friends

I was pretty amazed that acolleague who was retiring after many years didn't know the names of the guys on the desks facing him. His replacement seems to have got to know everyone within a month far better than I have.

I'm the only woman in the room, whuch I don't think helps, and I have no interest in football, which they're all mad about. I also had a mother who told me not to be nosey by asking other people questions about themselves, and that no one was interested in me. I can make myself talk to others, but it doesn't really come naturally and I don't really expect anyone to be interested in the things I am. I'm not very relevant to anyone.

I just assume everyone wants to know me. Why wouldn't they?
I am not saying we will be best friends forever.
Generally people don't think about you as much as you think they do.

Some people just naturally find this easier than others.

It does sound like you overthink this too, which is the fastest way to repel potential friends.

People who are really socially gifted don’t give it any thought that do it, usually because they enjoy meeting people and asking them questions.

My DH is much better at this stuff than I am. I'm always worried people will find me annoying and not want to know me so I'm too scared of rejection to reach out!

Minorities gravitate towards each other. My dh has made friends with dads in every class with dd (2) because there are so few of them about that they look to each other for solidarity.

It does sound like he has the magic touch!

I spent many a year taking DCs swimming lessons and never got beyond pleasantries.

He must be an innately friendly person.

The ppl who are loud or who 'hold court' can be annoying types...

Other way round in our marriage.
I can't understand how dh didn't know other parents at things he used to take them to.
Example - during the time our dc were at different swimming lessons from each other - If I needed help to get them to or from a session on 'my' night, (car in garage / another child ill, etc) I had several people I could ask, because I chat to people and create the sort of ambience where it is fine to do that (and of course offer help to others who need it). When dh ever got stuck on his night, he knew no-one, and couldn't understand there might be another option other than the dc not going that week.
Bizarre.

It isn't a male / female thing, it is a personality thing.

My DH is like this. Everybody likes him. I think it’s because he’s funny. I get bogged down with the day to day stuff and am distracted and stressed.

It’s a mixture of things. Dads are quite lonely, they like to meet up, they know their partners will look after the DCs so they can be social. The majority of mums meet up with their kids in tow, dads hardly ever do.

My female neighbour is like this I've lived here 9 years longer than her yet she knows the names of virtually everyone and has their phone numbers.
Nobody has ever asked me for my number or gone beyond pleasantries- no coffee invitations etc.

I've no idea how she's able to do this but I'm not.

I'm like your DH. I just strike up friendships wherever I go and always have lots of invites to places. I'm just a chatty person and tend to remember things people ask me. Seems to make a difference

OH is a more slow burner had gathered a nice amount of friends over the years. He would be slower to arrange social meet ups but is way more extrovert than me!

Our current 1/2 term plans include

days out with parents I met at a nursery event when our kids were 2- they are now 9 go to seperate schools but we’ve kept in touch

every summer we go to a sporting event with parents who we met through our kids clubs,

my son started MMA a few months back, while I haven’t yet been invited into the social circle - my kids a bit younger than there’s I know names, jobs etc of the a few of the other mums who are there at the same time:

my husband had a regular card game going with men he met though our kids football and we have been away for weekends etc with them!!

we are just chatty people

I think it’s this.

I’m always open to meeting new people and have tried really hard to talk to others when we’re at classes. A passing comment to a woman in a coffee shop has led to us meeting up 3 times. I try and be friendly in all my interactions!

When we left our antenatal classes, the women had a WhatsApp group set up within two minutes. It was over two years before the dads had a group, and it contains a random mate of the bloke who set it up.

I'm pretty good at engineering myself into groups though. Just a cheery "sounds great, I'd love to come" or "do you fancy a coffee?" at whenever an appropriate opportunity comes up, usually including the kids first.

I'm just a bit shameless when it comes to meeting parents of my son's friends, and I'm also pretty open handed - always have double snacks for the kids and will get a drink from the cafe or bar etc.

He sounds pretty sociable and confident to me. Some people are just more ‘open’ to meeting new people and making small talk.

I probably am like your dh. My dh has lovely loyal friends but he doesn't get to know other parents in the situations you describe.

I just bought a coat in a shop and after one visit i know about a death in the family of the sales assistant, I know where she came from, how many children she has and what they are doing with their lives. She seemed open to chat so when I said something about my life, what I wanted the coat for, she told me something and I asked a leading question..then we had a lovely chat.

I decided long ago to never wait for the other person take control, I will be the first to speak and see how it goes. There were times it was difficult but it gets easier and I'm better at it. I would say I'm very confident socially but that wasn't always the case. I used to find men easier to banter with but now I find women are too, I also find women over 40 or 50 more open than under 40. Obviously I'm totally generalising here. I think many people are lazy socially, expecting someone else to put themselves out there and start the conversation but never prepared to do it themselves.

I also benefit from being ordinary looking but with a pleasant face and I think it helps, children smile at me instinctively so I guess I give good vibes, totally unconsciously. If you don't have that approachable look I think it's important to consciously smile more if you want people to interact with you

Obviously talks to them and asks them about themselves

My dad and I are similar, and struggle to connect with new people. But I know men and women at work who make new friends every day. I wish I could.

my relationship with the other parents hasn’t gone beyond pleasantries and a bit of small talk.

I bet if you compare, your DH’s new friendships aren't much beyond that when they arrange to do drinks etc.

My DH has people he’s been friends with for years (days out, evenings out, holidays) who he knows less about than I do the nice woman who occasionally next to me in the office.

That’s not to say that men don’t have deep and complex relationships but I think they maybe don’t need as much of a start before organising a social event.

I have also observed that men in “mostly Mums” situations like dance pick ups, tend to bond together.

He sounds much more sociable and chatty than you.

It's not a male/female thing, I know people of both sexes who are like him.

I have way more friends than my DH, so I would say no, not all men make friends easily.

Same here, I love a natter with anyone and have always made friends easily. I guess I’ve always assumed people want to talk to me and I’d say they do the majority of the time.

From posts on here though, lots of people seem to expect others to make the effort to include them, I never wait to be included and it works for me 😂

Sounds to me like he suggests things, and is open to meeting up, and easy going, I think many females can be much more guarded than men, in terms of friendships.

they would over analyse why they were asked, maybe stress about who else was there, and a whole host of other things.

men just don’t over think it.