To not understand how DH does it re: friends

This isn’t a male/female thing, it’s just a personality difference. No right or wrong. It’s good to have one person in a relationship that’s sociable and makes connections easily as the other person benefits too. There’s absolutely no need for both people in a couple to be like your DH - don’t feel like you’re doing anything wrong!

I don’t think this is a men/ women thing. It’s an introvert extrovert thing - and I don’t mean being wildly extroverted (that’s not the same as being an extrovert personality type)

I make friends like this, my husband used to dread going shopping with me as I always stopped to chat to people. I just like people, perhaps we give off a vibe or something.

People fall into two categories, radiators and drains.

The radiators attract everyone and the drains repel people.

I really dont think we can change which camp we fall into.

Everyone saying this is a male thing... My mum is like this, as is my older brother. They're just both very talkative and charismatic - make friends with everyone without trying. I don't think it's specific to a particular sex.

Me, my dad and my younger brother are not like this.

If people are interesting, they’re interesting, though. I spent an hour at a party recently listening absorbedly to someone talking about what it was like living in in a central London houseshare during lockdown, because I write novels and I need a character who did that. But actually, she was an excellent talker, and would have been interesting anyway.

I travel solo a lot and .eet very transport people. Nice to spend some time with them and not have to have a deep friendship

I don’t consider myself an extrovert, in fact quite the opposite, but I’m old, I’m genuinely interested in people. My husband and I have travelled quite extensively and I think travel opens you up to a whole different education of people and experiences. No I’m not the sort of person who will chat to you 7 or 14 hours on the plane ( I’d hate anyone to do that to me!) but to pass pleasantries with locals in a queue, the waiter serving your local dish, the staff in hotels….and going back to people I’ve met here, my husband and I have had the best evenings in local pubs and restaurants, coffee shops etc just passing the time of day with other people. I don’t talk to people because the end goal is to meet with everyone I’ve ever met and hope we become long life friends….I talk to people because it’s nice, I’m interested in their dog, clothes, hair, life whatever.

but I grant you, maybe you’re in a different stage of life to me, I couldn’t do it when I was young. I didn’t have the time or motivation nor headspace!

I think this might be an extrovert thing. I love an evening where I've met loads of new people and chatted; especially if I'm never going to see any of them again! I barely have time to meet up with the people I'm actually friends with- let alone new people.

But meeting and chatting to people gives me a buzz.

Re yr dh and the invite to coffee, all it takes is one person. Often just luck of the draw. I met some great women if baby group once upon a time. But we'd have still been sitting in that bloody room, if I hadn't suggested meeting up for a walk the week after. We were all thinking it, but it just needed one person to say it. I'm not best buddies with them, but 17 years on and we're still on fb chatting/ I'm passing-by-uour-town- you- in?terms.

This is me. I then get in difficult situations that I don’t know how to get out of. Good school mum friend who became clingy would get really shitty when I was going out with other friends or didn’t invite her along to everything. Made things very awkward!

I find it odd that some people or their partners will spend a whole evening chatting to people and finding out all about them only to take it no further.

I couldn't be bothered doing that but each to their own.

I definitely think we find it easier than women.

I think generally we fear rejection less. Strike up a conversation with another man, and then say "Fancy a pint one night next week". Maybe get a yes, maybe get a "Eh, the next few weeks are gonna be a bit busy". We get that it's a brush off, but no harm, no foul.

We put less pressure on our friendships as well. I saw my two best mates on Sunday, I hadn't spoken to them in a month prior to that. Most women seem to be in constant conversation with their best friends as far as I can tell. DP has a WhatsApp conversation going on that doesn't seem to have taken a pause in about 5 years.

I'd have absolutely nothing to talk about when we actually met up if I did that!

Bemused by OP and responses. Most men I know IRL are very poor socially and IME women are much more likely to do this than men. My DP is the most social man I know out of anyone’s other halves and even he would be nothing like this. Most men I know actively avoid any sort of socialist with strangers.

he sounds really nice.
probably a keeper?

My DH is like this. I honestly don’t know how we’ve managed to stay married 30+ years as when it comes to being social I have as much charm as a rabid premenstrual honey badger. Whilst he just gathers friends and acquaintances. It’s always ‘so and so came into work for a cup of tea today’ or ‘I said I’ll pop round to blah blah give him a hand moving the piano’. I know some newer acquaintances have been shocked that he is married to me, the village hermit.
I hope I die before him as I really don’t think I can afford the sarnies for his wake, there’ll be hundreds of em. Whereas he could get a couple of triple deckers from Tesco for mine.

My husband is like this, I do nursery pick up and he drops off. He’s like ‘oh so and so’s mum said this’ ‘x’s dad said Y and she has a sibling at the school down the road’ I’m just in and out with a couple of hellos!

I talk to anyone and everyone. I love meeting new people and I’m genuinely interested in people. I’m also very good at small talk, most people like to talk about themselves. But I’m also very aware, I can read the room instantly…I can see if someone doesn’t want to talk or if someone is being left out etc. I’m acutely aware of my surroundings. However, I’m the classic “I can be everyone’s friend…but they can’t be mine” and that phrase is so me. I don’t have any room in my life for anything more or anymore more people. I can chat away to you from minutes to hours but I will never take it any further. I don’t have time for coffee, I don’t enjoy socialising in the evening, I don’t want to give you my weekends…so the great conversation we’ve just had doesn’t go any further, I’m happy with that.

And tbh it wasn’t always like that. There was a time when I was working full time, training for another career, being a carer for my elderly grandmother, had two kids going through primary and then high school and a husband who worked away. I was happy at small talk, it was all I can manage, my brain literally couldn’t have any more tabs open. It’s only now I’m retired that I have all this time , space and energy to speak to everyone, to have time for everyone.

My husband and I have a friend who literally lights up a room wherever we go. Within an hour of being anywhere, he will know everyone’s name, occupation, home town, relationship status…all of it by the end of the evening. But he’s another one will leave it there. In fact you’ll probably never see him again, but he has this marvellous spark that people are attracted to. As does my husband.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we’re all different and we’re all approaching people and relationships in a different way. You could be meeting the mums who are happy at small talk because literally they’ve nothing else to give. There’s no room in their head to think oh she’s a nice lady, we must meet for coffee… imo women are too busy and bogged down thinking about getting all the kids home, dinner, bath, bed, must do the reading, must phone granny, must remember to book that appointment tomorrow, what was that deadline for tomorrow, did I take the washing out the machine…..whereas men ( I find) are just so much more simple creatures. Men bond so much more easily I find. They don’t have the mental load to carry that women do in my experience.My husband is popular anyway but he’s often found in a queue/bar/restaurant/airport/car garage/coffee shop wherever, chatting absolute nonsense living in oblivion to anyone around him, or that I’m waiting for him , or we’ve got an appointment or what the time is etc!!

I’m sure it’s just a case of the dads got talking on some topic and someone just suggested meeting up, exchanging numbers etc. Remember you weren’t there, a meet up afterwards could have just meant they were in the same vicinity after and sat down together, not necessarily a planned meet. An exchange of phone numbers may have simply been about oh I used him to do my electrics, I went there, oh yeah that’s the football ground …it may not always be an exchange of numbers to specifically meet. But even if it is, it’s not a reflection on you. Either your husband or someone did just made the casual comment of meeting or exchanging numbers. Someone “took the bull by the horns”. Personally I’ve never ever wished to be as talkative or as social as my husband (I couldn’t cope with it, I’d need a lay down after every conversation 🤪) but if you do, maybe just have a little more confidence in yourself in suggesting meeting up, exchanging numbers etc

Lol I had a friend met his wife in the graveyard

The graveyard friend did make me laugh.

🤣🤣 he sounds fab ,,I find and have been told my face often gives don't talk to be signals(aka reating bitch face 😩) ,,is he just maybe more approachable looking outwarldy ?

My husband is the same. So is my sister. I am awkward af, and even if I have a great time with someone, I get such worry that they were just humouring me, that I rarely reach out to connect again. I just don't believe that people like me.

This sounds like my DH. He even made a friend in a graveyard! I go to the same place week in, week out but nobody is interested in saying more than hello and good whereas others become best buddies.

I think that's quite astute.

I'd agree with a lot of that.

I think that too.

Maybe because they are fewer dads at things like gymnastics and swimming so they are delighted to see another bloke?