To think “I speak my mind” usually means “I’m rude?”

Just remembered how my ex's mum was always saying things like 'we speak our mind in this family' and boasting about how she'd brought her children up to speak their minds etc etc. Guess what happened when I spoke my mind to her...

Agree op can't stand that saying/behaviour it's so rude and crass. Reminds me of the whole Laddette thing of the 90s and Kate Price etc in the early 00 totally chavy imh.

Sure 👍🏻 It’s ironic that “British etiquette” often goes missing in everyday public behaviour, yet gets instantly resurrected when someone voices a different or honest opinion 🥸

Saying you don't suffer fools gladly doesn't make you seem rude exactly, just arrogant and self-satisfied.

Or:

”I’m not being funny but…”
”I’m not being racist but…”
”I speak as I find…”

Invariably followed by a comment that is rude/racist/insensitive

If you really don’t want to be racist just fucking go without and keep it to yourself. No one’s interested anyway.

Oh shit I feel attacked Im definitely someone who speaks my mind or doesnt suffer fools gladly, apparently Im rude

Whatever, I'm not changing who I am, I'd rather someone say straight to my face if they have a problem with me rather than act all passive-aggressive and sugarcoat it

I often find them to be thick as shit too

I sometimes wonder if you locked the “honest to a fault people” in a room with the self described “empaths” who would win

Haha! This was my contribution to the idiot thread. If someone prides themself on being a rude, opinionated dick under the disguise of "honesty", it's an instant signal that their opinion is not worthy of attention.

It doesn't offend me, i just think they are a bit of a knob, why would anyone be offended because someone else lacks social graces

Yes, I had a colleague like this. She would say "I say it is it is" no, you're a fucking twat!

Came to say this very thing

I didn't mean to suggest you were, sorry!

I guess for me, I struggle with a lot of social "rules" like small talk, non-apologies (or clearly false apologies), and being polite just to avoid hurting people's feelings - because my experience is that long-term, it's more painful than if that person was just straightforward to begin with.

I've met very, very people who are genuinely honest and polite - they're either a lot more rude than they realise they're being OR they're clearly talking out their arse and trying to make people feel better.

YANBU. Everyone I have known who says a version of "I just speak my mind" has been rude and insulting and doesn't care if they upset anyone.

Ah, I wasn’t suggesting that lies (white or any other colour) was ok. And I don’t think (to quote a previous poster) that hypocrisy or passive aggression is ok either.

But I have generally found that it is entirely possible to be both honest and polite.

"I don’t think so. British etiquette usually allows us to make our point while still remaining polite."

As someone who wasn't raised by British parents (and who has also been diagnosed with autism) I actually find British "etiquette" incredibly confusing. It's not polite to make up white lies or to cushion the blow by saying "Ooh yes, we must meet up for a coffee" when you clearly have no intention of ever speaking to me again.

My parents were (and still are) very straightforward and I find that so much easier to deal with.

I don’t think so. British etiquette usually allows us to make our point while still remaining polite.

That’s not to say that other, plainer speaking countries are rude.

The kind of person we are discussing here isn’t just being direct, they are being actively rude and using “honesty” as a shield.

I’m not so sure.
I’m finding it difficult to navigate the passive aggressiveness and the hypocrisy that comes with never expressing negative feelings, thoughts, opinions, setting boundaries etc. There is a vagueness akin to aggressiveness: you are an uneducated boor, because you don’t veil very well, dear, do you?

Yep agree as know a few, but trying giving the same treatment back!!
They don't like it

Edited- try not trying

No. I think people in the UK are just overly sensitive about everything 🙄 everything is offending everyone these days

Agree, YANBU. My heart always sinks when someone prefaces what they are about to say with:

"I'm a straight-talker"
"I say it how it is"
"I call a spade a spade"
"I don't beat around the bush"
"I speak as I find"

Or any similar themed group of words that means they are about to opine usually rudely on someone or something else's shortcomings under the guise of "honest straight talking"!

It is perfectly possible to communicate clearly and honestly without being a thoughtless tosser.

That one is worse, it said as if it were some major bloody achievement

Yes my stepmother 'says it as she sees it' - aka insensitive as fuck a lot of the time 😆

Yes, I mean when someone claims they’re “just being honest,” should apply to everything. If they were truly motivated by truthfulness, they’d be just as open about positive and kind observations, as they are about criticisms.

When honesty only shows up in the form of harsh comments or put downs, it looks less like integrity and more like a convenient excuse to say unkind things without taking responsibility for the impact.

Yeah, it's usually code for "I have no filter and zero empathy".