Page 4 | How are Grammar schools so much better than comprehensives if they get the same funding?

Karma1387 · 2026-02-16T15:33:32+00:00

Me and my partner are in a situation where we are looking to relocate in order to move to a Grammar school area. This is going to involve us both having to find new jobs and coordinate a house move at the same time. Some of my family disagree with our decision to move for the sake of grammar school and don't see how they can be better than a normal comprehensive school. I am hoping some people on here will have some knowledge on how grammar schools achieve so much better than comprehensives? Also anyone with experience with grammar schools they could share? From what I have read the class sizes aren't much different to comprehensives and they get the same funding. Is it literally just a case of because they do the 11+ they tend to only take on the more academically inclined kids. Does this translate to less bad behaviour etc compared to comprehensive schools? The move is going to be stressful with us both trying to find new jobs plus moving further away from both our families I want it to be worth it! Our local comprehensive is awful for results and we want to give the kids the best opportunities. Personally I would rather homeschool and fully keep them out of the school system but my partner is very against this and is determined we need to move to a grammar school area so any advise to aid our discussion would be amazing! Are we being unreasonable to relocate for the possibility of grammar school?

Original poster

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 08:32

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/02/2026 08:20

Define ‘young age’.
And how are you ever going to get to know people well if you refuse to make friends?

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Young age for me to allow a stranger to drive them somewhere or take them out on their own probably post primary.

If I had met the parent and we has a couple of playdates together I probably wouldn't mind dropping them off for playdates once I was comfortable but I wont let anyone I am not very veey comfortable with drive them until they are in a high backed booster and only if I fully trust the parent to use it.

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OhDear111 · 19/02/2026 08:31

@Karma1387 I think you need to review how you parent. Your poor child!

Original poster

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 08:28

I won't be discouraging him from having friends. If whilst at school he makes friends I will be enthusistic about it and if he wants to go to a playdate with me with him (until a certain age) then I will put on my best smile and attempt to make small talk with the parent.

I will never prevent him from making friends but I also won't allow things ai personally don't feel are safe like allowing play dates at a young age without me there or allowing another parent to drive him.

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LeastOfMyWorries · 19/02/2026 08:27

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 08:22

I really have no interest in chatting with random strangers or making friends. My social interactions today will be pleasantries with the midwife and that will do me nicely.

I don't agree in the slightest you need friends in your life. If you want them and it makes you sad not to have them then sure go for it but if you are someone like me who hates the idea of having friends and having to talk with other people then I don't see an issue with that.

And yes I have had an abundance of therapy and medication for my anxiety and dislike for friendships.

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Fine- you do you- but to not actively try to avoid your children living this friendless life is unhealthy and selfish in the extreme. Please tread very carefully and please do not homeschool.

Original poster

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 08:22

LeastOfMyWorries · 19/02/2026 08:14

It’s really not though. Your eldest is two- it is not normal to already be worried about security arrangements at school. I mean it kindly- get help OP. Move if you need to and then try to concentrate on yourself and building your life socially, and your life, and with it the life of your children, will improve no end.

maybe start small- try to have a conversation with someone in real life today. Public transport, toddler group, even in a shop. Or maybe a social prescriber at your local GP can help you. Please take steps now to stop your children having the same isolated life that you do.

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I really have no interest in chatting with random strangers or making friends. My social interactions today will be pleasantries with the midwife and that will do me nicely.

I don't agree in the slightest you need friends in your life. If you want them and it makes you sad not to have them then sure go for it but if you are someone like me who hates the idea of having friends and having to talk with other people then I don't see an issue with that.

And yes I have had an abundance of therapy and medication for my anxiety and dislike for friendships.

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HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/02/2026 08:20

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 08:15

Not things I would do especially at a young age unless I knew the person very well.

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Define ‘young age’.
And how are you ever going to get to know people well if you refuse to make friends?

Original poster

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 08:18

Holdinguphalfthesky · 19/02/2026 08:03

Are there no mitigations you would feel were at the lower end of risk? I’m not sure I’ve ever come across such a high level of mistrust of people. What are you afraid might happen if one of your son’s friends mums invited him out for tea at a cafe with them (you wouldn’t be invited)? Wouldn’t the risk of him becoming socially isolated and the health and emotional impact that tha can have, be a graver risk than the tiny chance of something happening to him while in another family’s care?

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Other people especially ones I don't know would not be driving my young children anywhere. You have no idea how they drive, if they will follow how you prefer to do carseat safety and unless you know the parent weell you have no idea who they are or what they are like.

So no I wouldn't risk my kids being left alone with someone who I barely knew.

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Newusername3kidss · 19/02/2026 08:18

Karma1387 · 16/02/2026 15:55

My kids aren't even at primary yet! I don't however want to upheave them when they are settled at school so I want to make the decision to move before my oldest starts school.

The comprehensives aren't amazing where we are looking to go. Probably similar to where we are now maybe some a little better.

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So you don’t know if your children are even academic and you’re thinking of moving just in case they are? Grammar schools are incredibly competitive. I live in Trafford and last year over 5000 took it. Lot of kids from outside the area who will move if they pass. Still get bad behaviour and bullying etc unfortunately but the results are better as they cherry pick the most academic kids. Saying that though my good friend is head teacher at one and she’s said the amount of kids having to have tutors continuing on after “passing” the 11 plus is increasing dramatically as so many kids are being tutored to pass and might not actually be in the right school for them.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/02/2026 08:17

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 08:12

Just because I have no interest in making friends doesn't mean I think having friends is 'wrong'. Other people like having friends so therefore it isn't wrong its just their choice.

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Will you be encouraging your children to make friends?

Original poster

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 08:15

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/02/2026 08:00

What about lifts to a party? A club they go to?

What about a parent picking up your child from school for a play date?

All perfectly normal.

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Not things I would do especially at a young age unless I knew the person very well.

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Original poster

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 08:15

redskyAtNigh · 19/02/2026 07:47

Like I say, you don't have to be best friends - just know them well enough to to be happy with them giving your child a lift to a party or to pick them up from school in the inevitable cases where you can't do it all yourself.

If you won't trust your child to go with someone other than you or your partner and you don't want to talk to other people beyond social niceties, you are going to struggle in the future.

Please peruse MN to see the threads where people are wondering how on earth they cope with 2 children when they are ill/partner is working/the child is ill/the car has conked out where they don't have any extended family members who can help, and they don't know anyone nearby. Spoiler - it's very tough for them. And, often, for their relationship with the child's father.

Edited

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I'm not overly comfortable with my own dad or mother driving my son anywhere (although I do allow it) there is no way unless I knew someone very very well I would be letting them pick up or drive my child anywhere especially whilst young.

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LeastOfMyWorries · 19/02/2026 08:14

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 08:08

I think it took me a lot by surprise when people said from an early age they don't release directly from the classroom.

I think if you expect things to be done a certain way and then get told its different its normal to find that makes you a bit anxious.

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It’s really not though. Your eldest is two- it is not normal to already be worried about security arrangements at school. I mean it kindly- get help OP. Move if you need to and then try to concentrate on yourself and building your life socially, and your life, and with it the life of your children, will improve no end.

maybe start small- try to have a conversation with someone in real life today. Public transport, toddler group, even in a shop. Or maybe a social prescriber at your local GP can help you. Please take steps now to stop your children having the same isolated life that you do.

Original poster

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 08:12

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/02/2026 07:46

You obviously think there is as you’re unwilling to even consider making them, even when it might benefit your children.

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Just because I have no interest in making friends doesn't mean I think having friends is 'wrong'. Other people like having friends so therefore it isn't wrong its just their choice.

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Original poster

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 08:11

CanYouHearYourself · 19/02/2026 07:45

What do you mean you 'dont go to the shops much'?

This is all very strange and a life I'm very glad I don't live.

I order online and partner works in a shop so I have a very very rare need to go to shops.

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CanYouHearYourself · 19/02/2026 08:10

Really very little of this is normal.

Original poster

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 08:08

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/02/2026 07:44

Actually, I think there is quite a lot wrong with your opinions. I think you are living a very isolated life and seem to want that for your children too.

You seem fixated on someone other than you collecting your child. Schools have very robust safeguarding policies which are checked and reviewed by staff, governors and ofsted.
What do you think is happening at school pick ups? If there was a widespread issue with children being collected by random people don’t you think we’d know about it? It would be all over the news!

Schools don’t ask for ID at pick up or set passwords

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I think it took me a lot by surprise when people said from an early age they don't release directly from the classroom.

I think if you expect things to be done a certain way and then get told its different its normal to find that makes you a bit anxious.

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Holdinguphalfthesky · 19/02/2026 08:03

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 07:39

Unless I had a friend I had known for years and was very close with there is no way I would be trusting them with taking my kids anywhere especially when young.

I am aware I will have to make social niceties if my son makes friends but that doesn't mean I would be friends with the parents.

Show quote history

Are there no mitigations you would feel were at the lower end of risk? I’m not sure I’ve ever come across such a high level of mistrust of people. What are you afraid might happen if one of your son’s friends mums invited him out for tea at a cafe with them (you wouldn’t be invited)? Wouldn’t the risk of him becoming socially isolated and the health and emotional impact that tha can have, be a graver risk than the tiny chance of something happening to him while in another family’s care?

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/02/2026 08:00

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 07:39

Unless I had a friend I had known for years and was very close with there is no way I would be trusting them with taking my kids anywhere especially when young.

I am aware I will have to make social niceties if my son makes friends but that doesn't mean I would be friends with the parents.

Show quote history

What about lifts to a party? A club they go to?

What about a parent picking up your child from school for a play date?

All perfectly normal.

redskyAtNigh · 19/02/2026 07:47

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 07:39

Unless I had a friend I had known for years and was very close with there is no way I would be trusting them with taking my kids anywhere especially when young.

I am aware I will have to make social niceties if my son makes friends but that doesn't mean I would be friends with the parents.

Show quote history

Like I say, you don't have to be best friends - just know them well enough to to be happy with them giving your child a lift to a party or to pick them up from school in the inevitable cases where you can't do it all yourself.

If you won't trust your child to go with someone other than you or your partner and you don't want to talk to other people beyond social niceties, you are going to struggle in the future.

Please peruse MN to see the threads where people are wondering how on earth they cope with 2 children when they are ill/partner is working/the child is ill/the car has conked out where they don't have any extended family members who can help, and they don't know anyone nearby. Spoiler - it's very tough for them. And, often, for their relationship with the child's father.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/02/2026 07:46

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 07:40

There is nothing 'wrong' with having friends.

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You obviously think there is as you’re unwilling to even consider making them, even when it might benefit your children.

CanYouHearYourself · 19/02/2026 07:45

What do you mean you 'dont go to the shops much'?

This is all very strange and a life I'm very glad I don't live.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/02/2026 07:44

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 07:37

As I said before I just wanted reassurance after some posters said from 7 it was more of a relaxed pick up situation that if it is only me and my partner down as approved collectors that this would be followed. Even if another family member arrived who our kids was wanting to go with.

Nothing wrong with that in my opinion.

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Actually, I think there is quite a lot wrong with your opinions. I think you are living a very isolated life and seem to want that for your children too.

You seem fixated on someone other than you collecting your child. Schools have very robust safeguarding policies which are checked and reviewed by staff, governors and ofsted.
What do you think is happening at school pick ups? If there was a widespread issue with children being collected by random people don’t you think we’d know about it? It would be all over the news!

Schools don’t ask for ID at pick up or set passwords

Original poster

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 07:40

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/02/2026 07:37

What’s wrong with having friends?
They can be an absolute gift especially when you have young children.

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There is nothing 'wrong' with having friends.

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Original poster

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 07:39

redskyAtNigh · 19/02/2026 07:33

It is a really really really good idea to have friends when you have school age (particularly primary school age) children, particularly if you are not living near lots of extended family (which it sounds like you aren't). What will you do when your children want to do 2 different things in two different places? When one of them is too ill to get up, but the other still needs to go to school. When you are too ill to take them to school? Trying to do it all with just yourself and your partner is really really hard. Making friends (no one is saying you have to be best friends but at the social chit chat in the playground level) with other school parents is a necessary social skill.

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Unless I had a friend I had known for years and was very close with there is no way I would be trusting them with taking my kids anywhere especially when young.

I am aware I will have to make social niceties if my son makes friends but that doesn't mean I would be friends with the parents.

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Original poster

Karma1387 · 19/02/2026 07:37

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/02/2026 07:17

Who do you think will be trying to collect your child?

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As I said before I just wanted reassurance after some posters said from 7 it was more of a relaxed pick up situation that if it is only me and my partner down as approved collectors that this would be followed. Even if another family member arrived who our kids was wanting to go with.

Nothing wrong with that in my opinion.

OP posts: