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AIBU?

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Original poster

How are Grammar schools so much better than comprehensives if they get the same funding?

918 replies

Karma1387 · 16/02/2026 15:33

Me and my partner are in a situation where we are looking to relocate in order to move to a Grammar school area. This is going to involve us both having to find new jobs and coordinate a house move at the same time.

Some of my family disagree with our decision to move for the sake of grammar school and don't see how they can be better than a normal comprehensive school.

I am hoping some people on here will have some knowledge on how grammar schools achieve so much better than comprehensives?

Also anyone with experience with grammar schools they could share? From what I have read the class sizes aren't much different to comprehensives and they get the same funding. Is it literally just a case of because they do the 11+ they tend to only take on the more academically inclined kids. Does this translate to less bad behaviour etc compared to comprehensive schools?

The move is going to be stressful with us both trying to find new jobs plus moving further away from both our families I want it to be worth it! Our local comprehensive is awful for results and we want to give the kids the best opportunities.

Personally I would rather homeschool and fully keep them out of the school system but my partner is very against this and is determined we need to move to a grammar school area so any advise to aid our discussion would be amazing!

Are we being unreasonable to relocate for the possibility of grammar school?

OP posts:
Arraminta · 18/02/2026 19:54

Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:42

Because I don't feel comfortable with my kids talking to adults they don't know. Perhaps I am just odd!

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I think you could really benefit with maybe some counselling to address your control issues. Don't be 'that parent'. Your child really, really won't thank you for it.

CanYouHearYourself · 18/02/2026 19:53

Does it help you to realise that the things you have issues with aren't issues for anyone else?

Original poster
Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:45

IdaGlossop · 18/02/2026 19:34

Here we go then. Your expectations of school are the most unrealistic I have ever encountered - and I am a former school governor of a decade's standing, primary and secondary. If your children do go to school, you are almost without doubt going to be 'that parent', constantly on the phone to the head and keeping Google and Microsoft in profit with an infinite torrent of emails and at risk of becoming a vexatious complainant. That being the case, your time would be best spent persuading your DP that home schooling is the way to go for your family.

Typo

Edited
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After reading a lot of the latest replies I did comment to my partner that if they go to school the school will hate me!

I appreciate the honesty and I would much rather know what I can expect if we sent them to school. At least its something I am now aware of and can add to our discussion.

OP posts:
Original poster
Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:42

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 18/02/2026 19:34

But why? Honestly, why is it an issue?

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Because I don't feel comfortable with my kids talking to adults they don't know. Perhaps I am just odd!

OP posts:
Original poster
Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:41

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 18/02/2026 19:33

I’m slightly worried you are using all of this as a reason not to send your children to school.

Why would you not trust a 7 year old to spot their adult and tell a teacher? It’s obviously more of a supervised environment for the younger kids but it’s also part of teaching children independence.

At 7 children should know who will be collecting them from school and be able to recognise them. They don’t need to be approved .
For example, my friend’s husband would sometimes pick my DS up along with his own child if I was working and vice versa. Once we got to KS2 I only needed to make sure DS knew. I never told the school.

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7 is still very young? I mean what stops someone taking a child in the chaos of the playground. Or if someone wasn't supposed to pick up a child but your child knew and liked them how are the school handling that? Keeping that specific child inside the classroom to be collected?

I really just assumed until they got close to the end of primary and were preparing for secondary that they were released 1 by 1 from the class.

Personally it will 100% be something I discuss with my partner regarding any school we choose or at least factor into me not going back to a career so I can ensure I am always there early for pickup.

I assume parents are allowed to stay with the kids in the morning until the gates are closed or they are in their classrooms?

OP posts:
IdaGlossop · 18/02/2026 19:34

Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:23

You don't have to be courteous I have thick skin. This latest questions and answers have been enlightening and something I will add into my conversation with my partner about schools.

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Here we go then. Your expectations of school are the most unrealistic I have ever encountered - and I am a former school governor of a decade's standing, primary and secondary. If your children do go to school, you are almost without doubt going to be 'that parent', constantly on the phone to the head and keeping Google and Microsoft in profit with an infinite torrent of emails and at risk of becoming a vexatious complainant. That being the case, your time would be best spent persuading your DP that home schooling is the way to go for your family.

Typo

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 18/02/2026 19:34

Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:32

I think the issue is as a parent I would expect to be asked if I was okay with my child doing open days and talking to other parents etc especially when very young.

I wouldn't be happy if my kids were asked to take part in an open day and I wasn't consulted first on if it was okay. I just assumed schools got permission for everything nowadays.

But I am glad I know that isn't the case!

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But why? Honestly, why is it an issue?

Strumpetpumpet · 18/02/2026 19:34

If you’re looking purely at exam results, don’t underestimate the number of grammar school pupils who also have private tutors.
DS went to grammar and DD went to comp. We live in Trafford. They’re now early 20s and if you met their friend groups and learnt what they do for a living, there’s no way you’d know which ones went to grammar and which to comp.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 18/02/2026 19:33

Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:26

Ks2 is from 7 correct? That seems crazy to me that a 7 year old is allowed to just be in the playground until they spot their adult? How do you watch that many kids to ensure one doesn't leave without their adult or with a random adult? How do you stop kids leaving with say someone who isn't an approved collector?

I appreciate these replies as I didn't realise this is how it was at primary.

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I’m slightly worried you are using all of this as a reason not to send your children to school.

Why would you not trust a 7 year old to spot their adult and tell a teacher? It’s obviously more of a supervised environment for the younger kids but it’s also part of teaching children independence.

At 7 children should know who will be collecting them from school and be able to recognise them. They don’t need to be approved .
For example, my friend’s husband would sometimes pick my DS up along with his own child if I was working and vice versa. Once we got to KS2 I only needed to make sure DS knew. I never told the school.

Original poster
Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:32

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 18/02/2026 19:27

You really need to address your anxiety around this.
You are being a bit ridiculous.

My child is often chosen to help at open days and other such events. I’ve never given permission and nor would I expect to. I’m just always really proud that he gets asked!

Im genuinely curious as to what you think is the issue in this situation.

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I think the issue is as a parent I would expect to be asked if I was okay with my child doing open days and talking to other parents etc especially when very young.

I wouldn't be happy if my kids were asked to take part in an open day and I wasn't consulted first on if it was okay. I just assumed schools got permission for everything nowadays.

But I am glad I know that isn't the case!

OP posts:
Original poster
Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:29

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 18/02/2026 19:02

Why would you need to get permission for that sort of activity?

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I assumed they would need permission for your children to be involved in open days or showing parents around? But clearly I am very wrong about this but I am glad I know now so it is something for us to consider.

OP posts:
CosyDenimShark · 18/02/2026 19:29

DS2 is at a Grammar for boys. Class sizes are slightly smaller 28 instead of 30 at the comps. I'd say that there is less bad behaviour but it does happen.

Beware though, Grammar school areas take the top 25% which means the local comps sometimes do worse. In our area this is definitely the case. The 3 local comps percentage of 5 GCSE passes is between 25-48% of pupils, compared to 97% at the Grammar.

It's a gamble moving into this scenario.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 18/02/2026 19:27

Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:18

I'm just not sure having strangers talk to my very young children is okay without parental permission.

I wouldn't dream of talking to another child I didn't know.

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You really need to address your anxiety around this.
You are being a bit ridiculous.

My child is often chosen to help at open days and other such events. I’ve never given permission and nor would I expect to. I’m just always really proud that he gets asked!

Im genuinely curious as to what you think is the issue in this situation.

Original poster
Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:26

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 18/02/2026 19:22

At our school children are released directly from the classroom to parents in KS1 only.
In KS2 they are let out into the playground and leave once they spot their adult. In year 6 they can leave alone with prior permission.

Your children WILL speak to other parents/adults without your permission and that’s okay!!

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Ks2 is from 7 correct? That seems crazy to me that a 7 year old is allowed to just be in the playground until they spot their adult? How do you watch that many kids to ensure one doesn't leave without their adult or with a random adult? How do you stop kids leaving with say someone who isn't an approved collector?

I appreciate these replies as I didn't realise this is how it was at primary.

OP posts:
Original poster
Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:23

IdaGlossop · 18/02/2026 19:21

I am not going to answer these latest questions because I nolonger trust myself to remain courteous.

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You don't have to be courteous I have thick skin. This latest questions and answers have been enlightening and something I will add into my conversation with my partner about schools.

OP posts:
HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 18/02/2026 19:22

Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:09

I may be being very silly here but when I was at school kids were released to their parents from the classroom? Surely kids aren't just having a roam around the playground with parents picking up and taking their kids?

Or at least not until they are approching maybe late year 5 or 6? 5-6 year olds can't possibly be allowed to just roam the playground with other adults coming and going?

I also wouldn't expect an adult who 'recognised' but didn't know my child to be speaking to them when their parents aren't around.

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At our school children are released directly from the classroom to parents in KS1 only.
In KS2 they are let out into the playground and leave once they spot their adult. In year 6 they can leave alone with prior permission.

Your children WILL speak to other parents/adults without your permission and that’s okay!!

Original poster
Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:22

suttonmum10 · 18/02/2026 19:13

What do you think happens on an open day? The ones I liked the best had year 6 children ( usually in pairs) show us around. Sometimes with a staff member, sometimes without, but what exactly do you think is going to happen? Even if someone did have nefarious intentions, they’re hardly going to do anything with all the other prospective parents around in the few feet between classrooms ( which obviously had an adult in).
Sometimes they also got children in other classes to speak to us about what they were doing and what they liked about school. I’m sure they picked out the more confident kids that would say nice things about the school, but you can tell if a class of kids generally look happy.

But I assume students are doing this with parental permission? Schools can't possibly just be telling a student oh by the way you are showing this random person around the school? Or asking a 5 year old to talk to a random parent about what they think about school?

I just can't imagine if my child came home and said they had shown around or spoken with a random parent about school without it being ran past me first?

Don't we as parents spend their childhood telling them not to speak to strangers?

OP posts:
IdaGlossop · 18/02/2026 19:21

Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:09

I may be being very silly here but when I was at school kids were released to their parents from the classroom? Surely kids aren't just having a roam around the playground with parents picking up and taking their kids?

Or at least not until they are approching maybe late year 5 or 6? 5-6 year olds can't possibly be allowed to just roam the playground with other adults coming and going?

I also wouldn't expect an adult who 'recognised' but didn't know my child to be speaking to them when their parents aren't around.

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I am not going to answer these latest questions because I nolonger trust myself to remain courteous.

Needlenardlenoo · 18/02/2026 19:20

Oh OP, that's such a shame. I'm maybe not the most gregarious and trusting person always myself, but you can get such solidarity from other parents, and teachers, and it's really important kids can trust other adults in appropriate circumstances.

Original poster
Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:18

Needlenardlenoo · 18/02/2026 19:14

But other parents aren't really "strangers" are they?!

They are to the child and technically to the school if its a prospective parent?

OP posts:
Original poster
Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:18

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 18/02/2026 19:01

Prospective parents attending an open day is not a safeguarding issue per se.
The events are highly controlled and visitors are not left to wander the school alone. They are supervised by a member of staff or a governor.
What safeguarding risks do you think there are in this situation?

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I'm just not sure having strangers talk to my very young children is okay without parental permission.

I wouldn't dream of talking to another child I didn't know.

OP posts:
Needlenardlenoo · 18/02/2026 19:14

But other parents aren't really "strangers" are they?!

IdaGlossop · 18/02/2026 19:13

CanYouHearYourself · 18/02/2026 19:04

Both.

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OP, I implore you to take seriously what you are reading on here and learn from it. People are giving you sound, well-intentioned advice based on their professional expertise and experience as parents. Your imagination is out of control and running amok. That will do your children no good at all, in the short or long term.

Here's the reality. You and your DP have plenty of time to research schools, visit some, ponder home schooling, and move house before your two-year old is four. Thousands of families do so every year.

You can choose to do the same, or you can whittle your pregnant self into the ground inhabiting a world that is populated entirely by demon-like humans out to get your children.

suttonmum10 · 18/02/2026 19:13

What do you think happens on an open day? The ones I liked the best had year 6 children ( usually in pairs) show us around. Sometimes with a staff member, sometimes without, but what exactly do you think is going to happen? Even if someone did have nefarious intentions, they’re hardly going to do anything with all the other prospective parents around in the few feet between classrooms ( which obviously had an adult in).
Sometimes they also got children in other classes to speak to us about what they were doing and what they liked about school. I’m sure they picked out the more confident kids that would say nice things about the school, but you can tell if a class of kids generally look happy.

Original poster
Karma1387 · 18/02/2026 19:10

Needlenardlenoo · 18/02/2026 19:08

Another example. At my DD's primary, they had a meet the teacher and see the kids' work drop in thing in Reception or year 1. I was able to go but one of the other mums couldn't as she was working. Her child was so visibly disappointed that of course I made a big fuss of her (I did know her a little). As I hope the other mum would have, were the positions reversed!

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And they just arrange these things and have 5-6 year olds talking to strangers without their parents permission? Or can parents opt out?

OP posts: