Update on birthday

CleverOpalPanda · 2026-02-16T12:37:09+00:00

I posted here before to see if I was unreasonable for my bday and this is an update on how things unfolded. He never showed up for my bday he said he is sick and went out at his local shisha in the evening then told me he is struggling financially and wants to meet me when he can buy me a proper gift and 6 weeks passed with no meeting at all ,he missed valentine's as well after promising he will meet me and compensate for my bday ,for 3 or these weekends every Saturday he had problems with his cousin sorting out depts in Birmingham.He told me he has been distant because of his financial situation and will meet once it's better but I got very upset and left him this sunday.my self respect is saying you had enough but a voice says was he really having problems ?I don't want to be naive but if one can't meet you on Saturday they can meet on Sunday for a coffee for example and I offered to go to him or pay for the taxi fare.

Laura95167 · 17/02/2026 20:08

Best case hes completely honest and he cant afford a GF

Worst case id pick at his ability to go for shisha for him but cant give you even his time...

Original poster

CleverOpalPanda · 16/02/2026 17:29

Starthecar · 16/02/2026 15:32

How it used to be was him keeping you sweet so he could take advantage of whatever it is he wanted out of your so-called relationship.
He was surprised you would leave him because how he was behaving was normal to him, that is how he behaves and he didn't realize you could see through him.
Try not to give him too many thoughts, he is not worth thinking about.
It sounds like it's over, he knows it, you know it, please be kind to yourself and don't look back.

@Starthecar
Thank you ,you are right now he doesn't need papers so he treated me how he would normally if he didnt benefit from me,I did all the crying and grieving in the past weeks while together so now I feel nothing but proud I didnt stay longer

OP posts:

Starthecar · 16/02/2026 15:32

How it used to be was him keeping you sweet so he could take advantage of whatever it is he wanted out of your so-called relationship.
He was surprised you would leave him because how he was behaving was normal to him, that is how he behaves and he didn't realize you could see through him.
Try not to give him too many thoughts, he is not worth thinking about.
It sounds like it's over, he knows it, you know it, please be kind to yourself and don't look back.

Original poster

CleverOpalPanda · 16/02/2026 14:00

@Bigbook I was holding on to how it used to be I think that's why I justified him

OP posts:

Bigbook · 16/02/2026 13:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

StormyLandCloud · 16/02/2026 13:49

That man isn’t worth your time or concern - walk away and don’t look backwards

Original poster

CleverOpalPanda · 16/02/2026 13:48

@Hodgemollar he was even surprised I wanted to leave him over this like it's normal behaviour

OP posts:

mondaytosunday · 16/02/2026 13:47

Pah he’s useless and put him behind you. Move on don’t give him any more headspace. Next time remember actions speak far louder than words!

Hodgemollar · 16/02/2026 13:46

You haven’t seen him in 6 weeks, you’re not in a relationship.

KilkennyCats · 16/02/2026 13:46

Ah, op
I hope your birthday went ok, regardless of this idiot’s antics.

Bigbook · 16/02/2026 13:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

CleverOpalPanda · 16/02/2026 13:43

@itsthetea I don't think he is ,he wants to leave as he is struggling with his status and there was some attachment here initially that did seem genuine but not anymore ,I expressed to him that him with no papers can't offer me anything really

OP posts:

itsthetea · 16/02/2026 13:43

No you don’t gaslight yourself ! you fell for an abusive man and now ( like many of us) feel a bit stupid, like it’s your own fault

but many of us know that’s not the case. It shows you have a trusting and loving personality that he was trying to twist to his advantage

Original poster

CleverOpalPanda · 16/02/2026 13:41

@Screamingabdabz he used to do that put a lot of effort and I held onto that cause we were together for a year almost and I gaslighted myself

OP posts:

itsthetea · 16/02/2026 13:40

gosh - is there any way to report this as he may try it on with some other poor woman and that’s highly illegal

you have basically been a victim of abuse - he stringing you along as he thought you would be of use

Original poster

CleverOpalPanda · 16/02/2026 13:39

@Swiftie1878 I think I dint know how it would affect me legally as I am settled now here a British citizen ,there was attraction at some point but looking clearly there also was strategy to get papers ,now I discovered he can't get these anymore as he has a criminal conviction of 3 yrs in the past so he has been saying he is going to leave the country and go back

OP posts:

Screamingabdabz · 16/02/2026 13:39

If a man really likes you, he’ll move mountains to see you. You seem so desperate for crumbs op. Please know you are worth so much more. Forget this loser and raise the bar in future.

Swiftie1878 · 16/02/2026 13:34

CleverOpalPanda · 16/02/2026 13:30

Yes he is but we are the same nationality and now I feel utterly stupid as I always doubted him but gaslighted myself because there was a time he was very consistent with me but not over the top love bombing me either

Show quote history

You have been very stupid. You are taking a huge risk getting caught up in a scheme like this, potentially jeopardising your own status in this country.
Distance yourself from him immediately, and don’t look back.

Original poster

CleverOpalPanda · 16/02/2026 13:30

Swiftie1878 · 16/02/2026 13:28

What do you mean papers? Is he here illegally?

Show quote history

Yes he is but we are the same nationality and now I feel utterly stupid as I always doubted him but gaslighted myself because there was a time he was very consistent with me but not over the top love bombing me either

OP posts:

Swiftie1878 · 16/02/2026 13:28

CleverOpalPanda · 16/02/2026 13:26

@Pancakeflipper he was very consistent with communication but not meeting full of excuses so I cut my loses and left ,I think he wanted me for papers and now he knows he can't get papers so not useful anymore

What do you mean papers? Is he here illegally?

KilkennyCats · 16/02/2026 13:28

CleverOpalPanda · 16/02/2026 13:26

@Pancakeflipper he was very consistent with communication but not meeting full of excuses so I cut my loses and left ,I think he wanted me for papers and now he knows he can't get papers so not useful anymore

KilkennyCats · 16/02/2026 13:27

CleverOpalPanda · 16/02/2026 13:00

@itsthetea I broke up with him I did too much for his bday and him in general and was hurting and justifying him for 6 whole weeks and lowered my standards by a lot just to keep him

He’d already broken up with you.

Move on.

Original poster

CleverOpalPanda · 16/02/2026 13:27

Pancakeflipper · 16/02/2026 13:08

Another who doesnt recall your earlier thread.
But please realise this person is not for you. He's not interested, not willing to give you time etc... hes full of excuses.

Move on with no wondering "what if...."

@Pancakeflipper on previous theread I was saying he didn't want to take me out for dinner for my bday and was unprepared for it generaly

OP posts:

Original poster

CleverOpalPanda · 16/02/2026 13:26

@Pancakeflipper he was very consistent with communication but not meeting full of excuses so I cut my loses and left ,I think he wanted me for papers and now he knows he can't get papers so not useful anymore

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 16/02/2026 13:08

Another who doesnt recall your earlier thread.
But please realise this person is not for you. He's not interested, not willing to give you time etc... hes full of excuses.

Move on with no wondering "what if...."