Private school fees- is it worth the £250k?

The state school pupil is worth about £6k per year, so it’s no wonder that a school getting £30k per year for the same age child can offer way more teachers, sports, art, drama , music, swimming pool etc . So the experience a child will get at a top independent school will be much enriched. I say this as a retired teacher, teaching in both state and independent schools, and with 4 DC, 2 of whom went to the independent school. My biggest regret is that I didn’t send the other 2 for a variety of reasons. They have all done very well in jobs etc, but it is the whole school experience which parents pay for.

Yes it is...

The foundation of a happy childhood is security. A fixed roof over their heads and a loving family.
(Maslow is right on the basic need being shelter). This is what stabilizes our children and communities.

I say the above as I am convinced school disruption is caused by lack of the above.
I grew up on a council estate due to a change in circumstances. On reflection it wasn't rough as people were keen to move on to buying a home once they had saved up. Now we have people with no desire or ambition to better their options.

I worked extremely hard for over forty years and reached CEO level. I did go to a famous university and went back later for a masters. In my industry very few women get the big jobs.
This high income allowed me to put both DC through private prep school. One then went to an outstanding state school and the other a Cotswold boarding school. My DD hated the boarding school. Full of bullies including a very nasty teacher.
We used a huge amount of our savings paying a large mortgage (posh area for good state school ) and school fees that has impacted our retirement. We keep that from the YA as they didn't make that decision, we did.
I should be retired now as should my husband but we made a bad decision regarding housing and keeping them in private school in the crash of 2008. We really couldn't afford both and I got made redundant I didn't recover for four years. Parent care has impacted my work too
Only commit if you can afford it outright.
( You said your house is paid up).
All schools are different. We have a major player in the town but it's silly money these days and no local people go there. Tv, royalty and bankers.

I did the whole move house thing to a better catchment area and the my DC did as many extra curricular activities that they wanted to do. Is this an option?

it's funny when private school parents say how well their bright dc are doing academically while my 3 go to the local 'be avoided' school and are doing extremely well, getting top marks in most subjects. They are astonished that this school that had to bribe students 15 years ago with bicycles and other rewards to improve attendance has an impressive sports academy and sports teams are winning against many of the local private schools. This school also promotes public speaking and performing arts.

I always get the sense that this annoys private school parents a bit. There is a fair bunch of middle to supper middle class families as well as local traveller families and those who live in social housing at my dc's school so perhaps they think we don't have the upper class networking opportunities and maybe we don't but my dc and their peers are incredibly switched on and they know they'll have to work hard to get their foot into any door. We are lucky they also have French passports so will be able to study and work abroad. Whatever job they end up doing, they can relate to and communicate with anyone and everyone because that's what they already do at school.

That doesn’t surprise me - I don’t think even top 0.5-1% earners in London can afford a mortgage and private school these days, certainly not for 2 kids, without also some form of parental handout. I’m in that salary bracket but have had no money from parents and we can’t afford it. Im
considering grammar route or just our local comp with top-ups.

Those of my peers who can fall into one or more of these categories: school fees (or a big proportion) paid by grandparents; gifted a house deposit; both of the couple in that wage bracket. It’s insane.

It depends on the alternative - my eldest is at private for Alevels after being in state since reception class. There has been no detriment to him having gone to state until now (well, he probably would have been made to study more in school and got slightly better GCSE results at private but still got 9s, 8s and 7s with very little effort and frankly they dont matter now) - he fits in really well, gets on with everyone (no issues with being a poor bursary kid, going out with one of the boarders, friends with wealthy kids and teachers' kids alike, no one judges as they're not dicks) , is just as able academically and with his specialist interest (music). He's gone private (on scholarship and bursary) as the local college didnt offer the right subjects.
My younger child will be staying in state, our local 6th form is very good and gets slightly better results than the private (not much in it between them ) and offers the right subjects. The only difference between the two for my children is that youngest would get to play more rugby at the private if he went there, and eldest is getting to use facilitites for music that they dont have in the state college (recording studio etc).
Eldest says there's far more drugs in the private than there was at his state school (small town, only one secondary school apart from the private), racism and bullying is just as rife private just hide it a bit better, eating disorders a plenty in private, slightly more disruption in class in state but only in years 7 and 8, by year 9 this stopped being an issue.
For children who are bright with no special interest a good state secondary and 6th form will meet all their needs.

As PP said, go state and employ tutors if necessary. If the state school is good, it is unlikely to have serious violence issues as another PP has suggested - although my teacher friends do say that behaviour has worsened since the pandemic.

My DD got all 9’s in her GCSE’s at a state school. Yes it’s not all about grades, but 250k is a huge amount of money. My DD was a pretty average student until year 10 when something changed. It was a good school, but her success didn’t come from excellent teaching.

I would go state
we can also afford to put our ds in private
but I think with tutoring, support and watching his peers closely he will still have the opportunity without having to go private

If he is going to do well, he will. Private isn’t necessarily required

This.

I am a secondary school teacher. I bought a house in catchment at a very good school. Very little behaviour issues (I work there). My mortgage went up £400/500 a month but with 4 children I feel that's nothing compared with school fees. Scotland.

Worth every penny - mine was failing so badly in the state system, now flying.

He recognises the hypocrisy of both sides - not all public school kids are entitled snobs and not all state school kids are ruffians. He has noticed that it is the state school kids who are far mor judgemental now at uni about the private school kids and assume a lot. His brother is in state and thriving but does wish he had access to all the sporting stuff elder brother did.

each child is different and it is what suits them as individuals.

Cheltenham has many very expensive private schools and huge drug problems in every one.

Not necessarily true. A friends of my mums ( state school teacher) put both her boys in private school.

Eldest was academic, younger one wasnt and had to take entrabce exam a few timesto squeeze in.

He scraped gcse there BUT he also played rugby very well and got to know the paents of the other boys in the team. Gave him useful connections

After school he was taken one in one of the investment banks that his best mates dad was high up in

Hes since worked in banking throughout the world includung hong kong and new york as well as in London. Done very well for himself

Irs unlikely that going to the local state school ( wasnt naice area) wouldve provided the connections that gave a very average boy a leg up

It's very difficult to say what is right for you and your family.
We are also in Scotland and my son is in S6 and will be leaving in the summer to go to Uni.
He has been in private school since nursery and we haven't regretted it for one minute. The local secondary school is awful and we didn't want him to go there but to move would have meant significantly increasing our mortgage.
We have had to sacrifice somewhat to pay for it but again we think it has been worth it.
The fees now are really high compared to when he started but we're almost finished.

Totally depends on private school, sending ours to one was probably the worst mistake DH and I have made as parents, awful children and awful parents, nepotism ruled (lots of teachers were parents), bullying was rife. Ours are now in a state school and we have found it much better. Our friends sent theirs to a different private school and have had a positive experience. Do your research carefully.

Absolutely agree. The 'levels of violence' as ever was thus. I've been teaching in an inner-city state in Scotland for 31 years. I love it there; and whilst there are incidences of violence at times, it's unusual, as it always has been. It's all about the ethos of the school & strength of SLT.

My DC all went to state- very mixed, urban state, not a 'naice' area, but a genuine mix of 'naice' houses, council & decent % of kids from deprived areas. DS1 was school dux- 8 As at Higher, 3 As at Advanced Higher- & is final year at Russell Group on track for a 1st in Maths. DS2 also did well & is also at university doing engineering- he's ND & had great support at school. I cannot imagine they would have done any better at private school (where grandma preferred, but it's not something I wanted).

They're both big rugby players, playing for their uni teams, yet both report that they avoid the private school 'rahs', the most annoying part of the experience. SOME private schools seem to really develop this arrogance & entitlement.

We moved ours from a demanding state school where they measured so much of their worth by what universities the kids ended up at. Went to a more pastoral-focused independent school, with amazing sports and drama facilities. They were 1000 times happier, and still did very well academically. Many more measures of success than Oxbridge numbers!

Ds went to a good primary and a good comprehensive. Some limitations but some active positives (particularly local friends, stability, peace of mind). Academically he could not have done better. Private education is just too expensive.

Admittedly there was that thread recently where a child was attacked physically going into school and the head teacher wasn’t even addressing it. Reportedly a good outcome from moving school within the state system though.

Will add DS private school is less academic than the state school where we are (abroad) but it's inclusive, nurturing and a focus on critical thinking vs rote learning, a SEN department, more progressive thinking when it comes to teaching, and a focus on well being. That said pass rates are very high.

It's so subjective, depends on your child and the state school available to you. I went to a an average state school and came out with top grades, top degree, successful career. But I was bright, hard working and conscientious. That said I was also extremely shy and could easily go unnoticed in a big class, and my school did not acknowledge or support my career ambitions. We have put DS (5yo) into Private school which costs 25k per year but he is diagnosed with ASD, likely has ADHD. We prefer that he's in a class with 19 kids, 1 teacher and 2 assistants, the comms between teacher and parent is amazing, facilities are incredible and he is thriving. The public schools here are very good too but would not be the best environment for him.
My DH went to private school from the age of 8 and has had an incredibly successful career earns 300k+. Meanwhile his 2 brothers went to state school, 1 went to uni, other didn't. The 1 that went to uni earns 60k, other one earns 40k. Not that money is a measure of success but school made a difference to their aspirations and often you become your environment. Depends what other driving factors there are in your life. I know plenty of people who went to private school and were not the brightest but were well connected so able to get ahead vs those who were brighter or more talented.

We made this choice. Our fees are less than yours (£7.5k per term) but we have two children, so a similar amount overall.

It’s a long term gamble paying for private when it’s not an “easy” choice. Like you, I was also tempted to give them house deposits instead and send them to the local school with their mates that gets average results. Only you can make the choice that’s right for you, but in the end, we decided that you only get one childhood and one real shot at your education. The school they go to offers small classes, a selective cohort (sorry if that sounds bad) and lots of extra curricular opportunities. On balance, we saw that as the greater investment as their parents. We will help them with deposits in the future as much as we can, but we hope the school will give them additional tools for a more prosperous and ambitious future, and the opportunity to meet their potential (whatever they decide to do).

I think this is key and very similar to our position - no grammar options, lots of private options and, in our case, dire state options for secondary because pre VAT anyone who could use the private route did. Now with the VAT hike, lots of people who would have used private are being forced to look at state and the light is being shone on just how underfunded and under supported the state sector has been for the last 20 years in our area.
We have gone private, the behaviour/violence/bullying reported across the state secondaries felt too much of a risk.

@Tarkadaaaahling It’s normal at the best state schools - not all state schools. There’s also quality to consider. How good is that school production? Is there a school orchestra? Lots don’t have them. Drama can be truly woeful and dc just mess about. It’s frequently a subject with poor results. Music? Few do it.

University destinations never tell the full story either. It’s the ambition to get a decent career afterwards that matters. Then you get value for money in terms of fees. If no decent job, did the fees buy anything?

Also arts subjects do matter if dc are artists! Not everyone does stem. Or can do stem. Or should do stem.

Think it entirety depends on the school and the child.

DD1 went private for last 4 years of secondary. She's bright and academic but very dyslexic, also had a chronic health condition at the time and hated her state secondary (good area but very mixed catchment, in a classes with lots of rowdy boys). A small non selective private school was transformative for her then.

Younger daughter, on the other hand, thrives in her busy state secondary school (different school but similar demographic and mixed catchment).