Private school fees- is it worth the £250k?

We had a very large inheritance when our children were quite little. We considered private school and worked out that putting them both through our local private secondary and sixth form would cost about £500k.

We decided to spend the money on a bigger house, house renovations and some excellent holidays. We also have enough left to be able to support the kids through University and give them each a deposit for their first homes. I’m glad we made the decision we did. We had a good state school to send them to though which I’m sure makes a huge difference. Had our local school been rubbish, perhaps we’d have made a different decision. (Although of course, having that money to spend on a house meant we could afford a house in the catchment area of a good school).

As other PPs have said- the job market is changing a lot. The impact of AI on many industries is yet to be seen. I’m not sure that having an expensive education is as much of an advantage as it once was.

Hi OP,

I know a few couples where one parent wanted state and one wanted private - the children in each case all went private! Some made tough financial choices, others didn't have to, they were financially comfortable enough to absorb the cost.

I faced the same choice for primary school. What helped me was being really clear in my own mind on what I wanted for DC. That was a small school with good outside space, great academics and lots of extra-curricular activities and school trips.

The best private primary offered this in spades! Absolutely gorgeous building, acres of outside space and everything else on my list. The best state primary also had everything on the list. The only differences were the state primary being shabbier on the inside, having less outside space and didn't do swimming every week like the private school did. Swimming we can (and do) pay for. So for us, private primary didn't offer us enough 'over and above' to justify the £15k per year spend, as we could get everything we wanted on our list for 'free' from the state primary. A few years in and it was definitely the right decision for us.

I'll have the same (secondary school) dilemma as you in a few years though. Our state secondaries currently are all very average academically and that's my biggest concern. I want a secondary for my DC that is amazing academically with excellent results.

I deliberately don’t add up the total cost, but for us, it’s worth every penny. The soft social skills, high expectations of manners and standards of behaviour, the focus on sport, the idea that it’s cool to work hard, the lack of disruption, the collaborative atmosphere. It’s a calm, quiet and respectful environment. And, no pronouns. Girls and boys treated as girls and boys.

I’m sorry this isn’t the experience for everyone.

@SchoolDilemmas123 decide what is important in your child's upbringing.

Other than a £300k house deposit, think what else you could also do as a family with that money... holidays, experiences etc...

I'd go with state school until Y9 then consider swapping for GCSE.

@SchoolDilemmas123

I had a private education and it has been the single most important thing that has lead to a good quality of life for me and a high income.

From my perspective, I would urge you (for a good private school) to privately educate your children. Whatever their ability, they will end up with a better educational outcome than if they were in a state school because private education is far more child centric, tailored to the child and with a degree of spoon feeding. A bright child will do exceptionally well. An average child will leave with good qualifications.

Private education also gives most children a degree of internal self confidence that is very difficult to replicated in other ways and really shines through at interviews especially immediately out of university. It may make little difference in 50 years time but at that early stage of first jobs, it is a hugh factor and a good first job, good first level training is a strong platform that leads on to bigger and better things.

They will have school opportunities that they would never otherwise have - opportunities to try sports out of reach to most, lectures from eminent parents, exposure to higher standard of teaching, wider range of school trips, likely a wider range of subjects offered for study at GCSE/A Level.

Don't underestimate either the benefit for your child of mixing with children in a private school. The chances are these are children whose parents care about their children's education - so have relatively high expectations, will encourage them at home and have a certain standard of behaviour. I'm not saying there are no naughty kids in private school but the parental culture tends to rub off so your child rather than being plunged into a mix of kids some of whose parents wouldn't give a fuck if they bunked off for weeks, will be with a group where the culture is more about valuing education and learning.

I came from a background where there were sacrifices made to support my education and it was really really worth it for me. I couldn't be more grateful and routinely contribute to scholarship funds for my old school.

A good education is the best thing you can ever give a child.

@GasPanic never saw that at my DDs private school. Good teaching rather than coaching was key. State parents paid for tutors so not much difference really. But you should never assume private schools are better academically unless you are talking about Wycombe Abbey or St Paul’s girls. The top few clearly are better but look at who they recruit!

Cambridge, for some subjects, have actually pushed back on state is just as good. Some departments think not. However life isn’t about academics to the exclusion of everything else. Private should provide a lot of extras. If it doesn’t, go state and keep the money.

You will if course have noted that I didn't say there weren't badminton courts in any state school. Our possible catchment stare schools all have badminton courts too so maybe I should have said swimming pool or all weather hockey pitch or whatever.

My point was more that I pay for stuff I value at my kids school that is not available to me in state locally and I value that enough to pay. I also pay for a bunch of stuff like sports facilities that I don't care about and would happily take off the bill if it were itemized and optional that's just the way it goes. So many financial decisions are not "worth it" on paper but people still choose them.

"It’s been known for a long time that given identical A level results, state school pupils get better results at university than private school pupils."

That's probably because in a private school some get coached to within an inch of their life to make it to uni, and when they get there they have little left to give.

Whereas in the state schools its only the better cohort that actually make it past the barriers to entry and a state pupil will achieve the same A level grade as a private school pupil with much less teaching/tutoring/support.

I think as well when I look back at the private school types in uni a lot of them were more into a more "rounded" university experience spending a lot of time in sports and clubs and social whereas a lot of the state educated had got there by swotting hard on their subjects of interest and continued that process through uni.

Which is the better education path, I don't know tbh.

Hiya,

Can you say a bit more about the experiences and opportunities that your grandchildren have had in private secondary? I'm going to be having the same dilemma as the OP in a few years time! I hope it's ok to ask, I'm fairly new to posting on Mumsnet.

I don't pay anything for the badminton courts at my dc's comprehensive.

“Obviously the numbers were smaller then, but relative to income they weren't that different”

If your kids left school 14-17 years ago… the numbers would have been very dramatically different compared to income!

Thats the thing - even before VAT average fees were increasing far above inflation every year.

I left school around the same time as your children - the fees are 3x higher at my school today vs when I was there. Wages haven’t even doubled in that time. The cost to income ratio is far, far higher.

It is highly unlikely you would ever remotely recoup your costs in added value by paying for private school (eg the child will not make an inflation-adjusted 300k extra earnings and you could never know if they'd have done it anyway in state school).

That said, I am most of the way through paying for private secondary at a similar price point to you and we've done it because it's what we value.

Think of it like buying a car (I loathe and despise cars but they do make a good example). You can buy an old banger, a mid range sensible car or a luxury swankmobile and they all have four wheels and take you places but at different price points. Although the mid range or luxury are probably more reliable than the banger (good state school likely to give you an education but a failing school may actually fail to), the luxury car probably won't give you any more miles of motoring than the bog standard family car. Nevertheless people still buy premium models because it gives them something they care about enough to pay for it

Our kids' school gives them a much more varied set of cultural and musical opportunities than they would get in state and teaches languages that aren't offered in their catchment school that I care about. So I pay the luxury premium because it's worth it to me. For others it might be opportunities to play minority sports and access to better facilities and training. (I pay for badminton courts my bookish nerd children are never going to appreciate!!)

For better or worse, it is a levelling up phenomenon. Private secondaries have been seen to be worthwhile because the extra attention, both in terms of smaller classes and in terms of the social capital/uni preparation I discussed above, pays off. Private school pupils are admitted to top universities in statistically disproportionate numbers (though once there, those from state schools do better).

In other words, when it comes to university admissions, private schools punch above their weight.

My hunch (as an academic) is that the state school pupils put somewhat less effort into uni prep than private school pupils. I wouldn’t say they revise less, but they have less access to structured revisions sessions and probably private tutoring. Ironically this prepares them better for university.

The reputations of private secondaries and colleges live or die based on pupils’ university placements. In some cases, cultivating the habits of mind to help future students succeed at university may be a lesser consideration.

Oh my...that's a lot of money.... I don't think it's better teaching, up to GCSEs maybe less disruption. Depends does the good secondary set? Top sets probably have less disruption if your DC will be in them? Depends of the kid I suppose..have definitely met people whose private school education elevated them above their actual ability but wondered if it was a bit stressful for them..as it's such a lot of expectation.
Honestly I think of the opportunities and choices a paid off house would give. You could follow your passion job, not worry about retraining. It's the gift of security in a very changeable world. Even a private school education doesn't confer that because they might not want or get the big bucks jobs that would get you secure housing in your 20's.,

I get the impression from threads that it might not be the inadequacies in teaching (appreciate that could be a factor), but the daily disruption impacting the class.

So funny when some people (not necessarily on this thread) are hugely against private as they feel it’s unfair, but will spend money on tutors and post code to give their child a “leg up”’……

I don’t get the modern trend towards tutoring. One child in the last year of state, another in first year uni after the last 5 years of school at private, 2 much younger children. We’ve never felt the need for tutors but apparently 40% of parents employ tutors. Is teaching so inadequate for exams these days? Is this not an issue? What happens if you can’t afford tutors?

Only you can answer this OP.

You’re not in a grammar area.

You can afford it.

What are the local state schools like and what the are children like who go there?

Private can’t guarantee perfect results, but they are statistically better.

The number of threads on here from parents and teachers about students poor behaviour in state is absolutely eye opening and shocking.

When you factor in SEN in state schools (which will absolutely increase and not decrease) and some of the behaviour linked to that, and that state schools seem to have a ball ache kicking out disruptive and violent pupils…..well I’ll let you figure that out.

The sport and extra-curricular will be abundant.

What else would you do with the money?

Loads of grandparents pay the fees-or at least help out.

Private every time, mine have all thrived, not necessarily the education but more the extra curriculars, the strong sports , the children want to learn and the parents are supportive, the pastoral care is amazing.

we frame it as us giving our children their inheritance early.

I agree with this. Went from selective private to an east London state school. Huge culture shock

I once went to a flat viewing where the daughter of the house went to highgate school (30k a year). It was a 2 bed flat in Finchley valued around 450k, younger brother still shared a room with parents. Parents were professional but clearly not wealthy and valued education. Also I think sharing rooms with kid isnt taboo where they are from.

I was very much in awe and inspired. I was pregnant then and thought, I want to be like that too (except I am stopping at 1 so no need to share rooms but my 7 month old shows no signs of wanting to leave my bed)

I think it's very personal - we were in a similar situation financially but did put our son in private school.

Absolutely not in your financial situation.
Those fees are for people where the money will not be missed or noticed.
You are comfortably off, not wealthy or near it.
The good school will be fine.
You can easily pay for private tutoring if you feel their are gaps to fill in.

My brother and I both went to private school. I suppose it's impossible for us to know if we would have done as well (or better) at state school. However, being given the choice of a £300k lump sum and a private school education, I'd take the money.

Ok retired teacher here. I’ve a long career in teaching. I’ve done 2 state schools and 2 private. Tbh it’s completely down to the child and the schools you’re considering, it’s something that absolutely can’t be commented on by someone else. It’s such an individual choice.

I will say you cannot compare the two systems. Yes in my opinion, a private education is better than a state one but that’s just my own opinion and experience. My children went to right through state and if you ask me to be absolutely truthful, yes I wished we had put them through private school. The reason we didn’t, is because we couldn’t afford it right through for 2 children, even with my discount. however you are in a different situation and you can afford it.

I will also say that if you’re considering doing the mixture of both, do state first to private. Children find it so hard to adapt the other way round, particularly the older they get. It’s hard for them generally to go from private to state, unless you do it at very specific times (like year 2 and year 6, and even year 6 can be a culture shock)

good luck in your decision