Private school fees- is it worth the £250k?

I suppose it depends where you are, but I have had two children in two different private schools in London. I think the teachers have been incredible. So many studied the subjects that they teach at Oxbridge, or have had careers in the city before teaching economics or a STEM subject as an encore career.

I don’t think they had teaching degrees, but it didn’t matter because private schools don’t require one.

I went to private school and my children go to a very good local state school. I have also worked in many different private schools (not as a teacher I must add)! The main pros of private schools are the facilities and the opportunities they get. I would genuinely say there isn’t that much difference in the quality of teaching between a good state school and a good private school. If you fancy saving some ££££ I would look at ways you can enrich your child’s life outside of school (theatre trips, trips abroad to culturally rich cities, different music concerts, lectures etc etc)! When at private schools, you are certain your child’s life will be culturally rich at state school you might have to do this yourself. Though I would say my children’s state school has a wealth of opportunities.

For me, I probably wouldn't. We can't afford private schools but moved areas to be in a catchment for an outstanding secondary (and the area was more expensive but less than private). We are in an area with fairly good secondarys. Fairly affluent and not massive behavioural issues. So my caveat is that, IF I could afford it and there was a really big issue with the schools in the area and I felt it was a potential danger, then yes I would look at private. But not in most circumstances.

My DD and her best friend went to the same state primary and then my DD went to state school and DD BF went to private. They are still best friends outside school Did DD BF get better grades? Yes. But she always did in primary. Much more academic whereas my DD is very smart in a different way and does amazingly with her part time job as well as sixth form. She's very involved with the day to day running of a small business, loads of client interaction and learning a really broad skill base and has a great work ethic. My DD BF - I love dearly and is like a daughter to me but she literally would have excelled anywhere. The two girls have a friendship group that somehow links / crosses both schools too. Her BF has undoubtedly got better sports opportunities, facilities etc but I think it's comparable to good state school + tutor. She is surrounded by a lot of wealth and her day to day money is gifted by parents and she doesn't have a job (partly because of how busy she is with private school, very intense) but each girl almost has a different skill base because of the school they've attended. I have also heard a lot of stories of bullying, drugs etc at private school she attends. As the pupils are a revenue stream, they are less inclined to exclude the children!

If it's the choices you're talking about and you could help their early adulthood plans instead, in your situation - I would 100% do that.

I agree with this.

At £30k per year, there will not be many children from a similar background. Plenty of people in exactly your shoes will have chosen state meaning your child may feel out of place along far wealthier peers. Also, their parents won’t have just budgeted to the end of sixth form, but through university etc. your child may find they have quite a different lifestyle.

I've been following this with interest as we're in a similar situation, 2 kids, oldest is currently in year 3. Very happy with our village primary but the local comp is just "ok" and we could technically afford private, but 500k would go a looooong way for them in later life and maybe that's the better use of the money.

At this point I think we're leaning towards comp with tutors if/when needed. It's not even just about house deposits and uni, we can use some of that money to enrich their lives in other ways. If they are interested in art history? Great, let's go to Florence. If they are really into the Egyptians? Fabulous let's do a family holiday to see the pyramids, take a trip down the Nile while we're there. Marine biology? Cool let's go kayaking with sea otters in California (we are actually doing this one at Easter, I can't wait). If we were paying school fees we'd really struggle to afford that type of thing.

Really interesting to see other people's experiences though.

Something you should definitely bear in mind is that in independent schools you usually have to self fund any additional support your child might need including any therapies. You simply aren't eligible for any NHS or LA support unless your child has an EHCP. Learning support even attracts 20% VAT.

Other options include state school education topped up by excellent private tutors in subjects where he isn’t excelling, or attending state school up to Year 8 then going private from Year 9 onwards. Most top private schools have a Year 9 intake for this reason and many elite public schools (including Eton and Harrow) only take Year 9 upwards. That’s what I’d do in your situation. FWIW I’ve taught in one of the £60k PA schools as well as in state schools.

Private school has been worth every penny for my dyslexic child. I remember his Ed Psych saying he was very clever but with an atrocious short term memory. If I could get him through age 7-13 with his confidence intact he’d have a shot at reaching his potential. We did have to move private schools to one that has a more holistic than academic take but I can see the impact that has had on his confidence and therefore his academic work.

DD is a different kettle of fish, clever, confident and although we’ve gone private I’m pretty confident she’d have done ok anywhere.

My granny used to say an education is the one thing no one can ever take away from you. I also feel it’s not up to me as a parent to give them a good life. It’s to give them the tools to have a good life.

Ive seen various members of my family remortgage properties they’ve been gifted and spend the money on a lifestyle they can’t afford. My kids can’t remortgage their private education!

Also depends on where you live. We can’t move and our local state are dire. Very little music or sport, far too many cover teachers and a churn of heads.

Not really sure how my finances are relevant but either way I wouldn’t have paid for private schooling given my experience.

@Mum1216£90,000 student debt is high but it’s nowhere near private school fees. That’s not enough to be one or the other! I’m assuming this is 5 years worth! If she’s had to borrow, I’m assuming you didn’t have the university money or school fee money.

OP, we also have a very dyslexic younger child. I am minded to send her to a private non-selective secondary because I think she will need the extra support.

OP, you could be me as I have the same dilemma! Except we do have a mortgage. We also bring in very good salaries and probably could service private school fees. I just can’t help but think private school fees are a bit of a scam. We have applied for my DS to attend a local state school in September. It has above average results and good behaviour, although the local secondary private school has better academic outcomes. I can’t justify the cost of spending £7-£8 k per term on fees. Yes the extra curricular activities and facilities are better at the private school but I was really impressed by the opportunities at the local state school as well. We are going to see how he gets on and will consider moving him to private in year 9.

As someone who went to an academically selective private secondary, I really don’t see the difference in careers/ outcomes compared with everyone I know who went to state school. I know it’s a bit of a cliché but ‘bright children will do well anywhere’ is really borne out in my experience. I do think it was a calmer secondary school experience with more opportunities during the schooling itself, but I just don’t think it equated to ‘better’ life outcomes in the long run. For my own children I think there are so many better things I could spend my money on to enhance their lives short and long term and I therefore just don’t think it is worth it.

Unless you're absolutely so swimming in money that you don't even think about it, then yes, I think it's a big waste and a lot of pressure for too far into the future.

'Affording it' isn't really 'affording it' with sacrifices you'd rather not make.

I don’t think anybody can answer this question in the abstract. Have you looked round the potential schools? That is the only way you can really judge whether the private options are worth it.

For us, private was worth it for the wraparound care, small class sizes, extracurricular activities and particularly strong emphasis on some specialist subjects that we thought would really suit our DS. The state secondaries in our area aren’t great, so it was also a factor that we would have an easier path to a good private secondary (though obviously that’s not a factor for you at secondary level).

However, the state primary schools in our area are very good so we wouldn’t have sent DS private if it would have caused us major financial stress. We would have sent him to a state option, on the basis that we could always switch schools if we felt he was struggling for any reason.

We are in Scotland, both of my children started in state and I moved them to private a few years later where they have both thrived and are now upper secondary.

yes it’s cost a lot of money but I would do it all over again, well worth it in my experience

It really depends on the individual child. We moved our DD to a small independent school for Year 7. She's Autistic, academically very able but experiences high levels of anxiety and sensory needs as well as some challenges with Executive Functioning. When we started looking around it quickly became apparent she was not going to cope in a big, busy mainstream secondary school. Her Mental Health was already precarious in Year 6 and has improved significantly so for us it has absolutely been worth every penny. She finds low level disruption from other pupils really stressful so the fact that it's such a small, calm environment with high expectations in terms of behaviour has been hugely beneficial for her, and with 10-12 in a class the teachers know all the kids really well. The school have been extremely supportive in terms of her SEN and we haven't had to 'fight' for any reasonable adjustments. She has also had some amazing extracurricular opportunities which have done wonders for her confidence. It is an eye watering amount of money. For children who are confident, easy going and not socially vulnerable maybe it's not worth the money as they may thrive anywhere, only you know what's right for your child.

We used the local state school. Our dc got great results. It suited them. Having friends before you get to secondary really helps. They learned to fill in any gaps in their teaching through self study. Came out with all 8s and 9 s then As at A level. At dd’s uni she has friends who are great musicians, in sports teams, great social skills but they missed the grades to get on DD’s course. So they’re on a course they aren’t happy with and doesn’t have nearly the same employment prospects. Dd will have a £90k debt when she leaves. I think I’d prefer not to have the debt than go to private school. I went to a well known private school and wouldn’t leave my dog there though..

Having gone through a state grammar myself and having children who both attend outstanding (according to both Ofsted and myself) state schools I think you make a lot of incorrect assumptions about the quality and breadth of the education and extra curriculars and trips offered. Obviously it varies school to school, area to area but there are many excellent state schools out there.

I doubt even the quality of the teaching is better at private schools, I say this having known teachers who teach in both private and state sector. However the smaller class sizes and better facilities will definitely play their part.

The inner self confidence, you are most likely right, along with the fact that private schools children are far less likely to have regional accents may give them an advantage in the early stages of adulthood. However, if we’re generalising, I expect that state schooled young adults will on the whole be more resilient and more able to connect with a wider variety of people.

Oh and that whole paragraph about the parents of state school children not caring/valuing their education is just really insulting.

Well said.

My thoughts entirely.

This! My kids are still young so this is a little way off, but we live in an area with a lot of grammars so the state alternatives aren’t great at all, which is a shame all round.

We have decided against for now & will relook at 6th form. The cost is just too much particularly when uni is so expensive now & we want to help with deposits. But dc go to an excellent state option.

I think the point @MidnightPatrol made is also a concern, it’s a very narrow demographic now compared when I was young because of the fees.