Private school fees- is it worth the £250k?

To counter the doom we are coming out the other side of state. Two happy well adjusted young people with lots of nice friends who have achieved their potential academically one.at ine heading to RG universities. Not a scenario I would have paid £250k (times 2!?) to avoid!

This has been our experience of state school too. It is the major factor in our DC going private, and means I will put all my effort into having enough money to send next DC.

I’m a teacher in an indie (did many years in state ed) and was talking with a state school teacher friend at the weekend. She isn’t in a “naice” school but it has good from Ofsted. What she described was fucking feral. The behaviours, level of disruption and low level of attainment was just horrific. She was saying that behaviour has declined so much since Covid and they can’t get it back. DC was with me and I reminded them I send them to my indie school (with a discount) so that they are protected from this nonsense.

Properly good state schools still have massive issues but what’s the choice for most families?

OP, it is a massive investment and may not be right for your family. I think you need to check out the state school/speak to parents from the school to determine if it’s right for you.

Really good points that get frequently get overlooked . For me the value in private school is the safe space, behaviour standards and having a school that’s just a really enjoyable place to be.
Your local comp may offer this so don’t judge automatically.
I don’t ’value’ private education based on the exam results but on dc having a really happy, safe and productive school life. For us that is in a private school but this will vary.

Would be wonderful if the appropriate schools were available for more of our children whether selective or SEND.

Our approach was to send dc to private primary where they had a wonderful time and took up music lessons etc. We were lucky to live close to a super selective grammar which dc received offers for. However they also had offers and scholarships for the top independent schools. It was very hard to decide but we went with the grammar and they couldn’t have done better academically. Sporting, musical and extra curricular activities were good but not as obviously strong as at the independent. Dc had to develop a lot of resilience as there was no hand holding or opportunities dropping into their laps compared to their independent school friends. I felt I had to provide a lot of support (not expected).

They ended up at a top uni alongside a couple of their old primary friends on very competitive courses. The majority of their independent and grammar friends went to good RG uni’s or equivalent. I would say they’re quietly confident but not as confident as their friends. However , we’re not from a privileged background whereas their friends from primary were almost all quite wealthy.

I now have a nice sum set aside for dc for house deposit and we were able to pay their uni fees but we couldn’t have done deposit/fees and secondary school fees. If you have enough money to cover everything comfortably then I’d go for private all the way through. It’s just an easier experience for them but, in my experience, I don’t think it offers enough value for the cost.

If money was no object, I'd probably go private that standard state school, as pastoral care is much better and they'll leave confidence that the school would build.

Personally think selective grammar schools, like QE or HB, are much better..full of normal well behaved children. Is that an option for you?

I don’t think there’s a black and white answer to this — it really depends on your circumstances, the state school options near you, what you and your child want from secondary school, and even longer-term plans like uni.

I had exactly the same dilemma, but I’m leaning more towards independent. From what I’ve seen (I work in a secondary school), environment makes such a difference. In some settings, teachers spend a lot of time managing behaviour, and the more able kids can end up just getting through worksheets. In the right independent school, I feel my DC would be more stretched and actually enjoy proper learning.

Also, not everyone who sends their child to private school is super wealthy. I know plenty of families who make big sacrifices to afford it. The kids don’t always do every trip or extra, but they seem to appreciate the opportunity and the environment they’re in.

That said, I personally wouldn’t go independent unless it was academically selective (or there was a very specific need that couldn’t be met elsewhere). But that’s just my take based on what I’ve seen.

I have privately educated 3 children and it goes far beyond just fees.
I certainly wouldn't have dreamed of doing it for my boys and not my daughters.
There were a lot of extras, trips etc, beyond skiing and fun trips.
We are very very comfortably off, but it was an unexpected huge inheritance from a bachelor uncle of my husband's that funded ours.
We have huge savings, pensions, always morgage free, but it was still an unexpected inheritance that paid for them.
All children are none, for sure.
Anything else is unfair IMO.

Has your DS passed the 13+? If you didn’t intend to send him to the school, may I ask why you entered him for the exam? I assume you were aware of the fees beforehand?

I am in London and doing a mix. Sending my son to a local prep (22k to 24k per year) followed by a state school archer academy (i live 0.3 miles away albeit in a small 2 bed flat but it is in catchment) which has a direct partnership with Woodhouse College (top 5 sixth form colleges in the country) so if you meet the minimum criteria, you will get priority admissions. I would love him to get into a north london grammar but it would be very difficult and I dont want to hothouse him

My baby is 7 months old but I went to look at our local state faith primary school and 4 independent schools (3 non selective, 1 selective at 4+) when I was pregnant and I liked the local ones prep better and they also do 11 plus prep so there is an off chance he may pass the grammar exam. It also has a small class of 11 people.

If he doesnt he will just go to archer (distance based and free) and then woodhouse college (which is also selective but easier to get in from archer).

You don’t know the income figures I was working with then or now.

One thing I will say though, I may not have just ‘gone for it’ if I hadn’t known I had a safety net in the form of my parents. As things turned out, I didn’t have to ask them for any contributions at all, but I know they would/could have done if the shit had hit the fan. That, I know, was a massive privilege I enjoyed.

Is there no in between option or is state or 30k per year private the only choices? I am in Ireland so yes we have a very different education system and as a parent with 3 kids in our local state secondary I do not recognise the profile of state schools described here. Our local fee paying schools (they are not completely private in that teacher salaries are paid by the state) are financially more affordable for most middle class people, you are looking at price ranges of €5000 to €8000 per year, but if you are living in a middle class area there is very little difference between state and fee paying and many rural areas would only have state option unless your kids boarded.

I think it depends on your motive.
If you're looking at is as a long term investment to buy better grades/uni/career then no - it's absolutely not worth it. Kids from all walks of life and all types of school thrive and achieve with parental support and encouragement.
But if you're looking at it as 7 years of enjoyable school with a quieter learning environment and lots of extra curricular opportunities - so more like paying for the now rather than the future, then yes, it's money well spent.
Certainly it's costing an absolute fortune, and grandparents are footing 50% of the bill in this household - but to me, and for my dd, it is emphatically worth it.

@CuttheshurtainsI mean it’s horrendous and I’m sure much more regulated now! But the amount of male teachers having relationships with pupils at my private school in the 90s was wild! One actually did get taken to court and is on the sex offenders register now! (I’m sure it happened in state schools too)

Yes two of my best friends went to one of the most elite Edinburgh private schools and the stories they have to tell about drug use, sex (and sex abuse ) and bullying absolutely shocked me as a child who went to a state School.

You simply cannot buy protection from those horrors and in some cases because of access to ready cash there is a lot more drug use in the private sector. None of my state school peers could have afforded the drug binging that was going on in the private schools.

And one only has to look at the papers in recent weeks to realize that sex abuse most certainly happens in even the most elite public schools

It's foolish to assume you can purchase a safe childhood for your child in this way. Wherever they go to school you need to stay alert and aware there could be issues.

Yes but the developing countries didnt. What happens when birth rates everywhere are crashing and here are fewer young people everywhere.

money will help! i’m still saving for my dc but you do you.

My colleague’s child is at one of the main Edinburgh private schools and has suffered years of horrendous bullying, about which the school has done nothing. My husband’s cousin sent his son to a particularly exclusive boys’ school and the bullying was off the charts. Violence, bullying and inept leadership seem to exist in the private sector too, but you will be £10000s lighter in your pocket annually.

Yes but the developing countries didnt. What happens when birth rates everywhere are crashing and here are fewer young people everywhere. The birth rate in 1990 in India was 4.27, so a young middle class Indian born then is 36 today, peak productive working age. The birth rate for India is now 1.9 and below 1.4 in some of the more middle class areas where most of our Indian immigrants come from. DISK- dual income single kid is acrually a trend! It has halved!

That is how it is for my son's birth year (2025).

Plus the healthcare & pension model will likely look different going forward so if my dc don’t need as much for a house they certainly are going to need it for life!

As I said I don’t think it will be the same but I don’t think housing will be cheap. And life will be more expensive eg utilities, food etc.

That is our generation's problem. Our dc will have different issues. What is it, I dont have a crystal ball. But I wouldn't assume housing is it as the demographic trends point the other way.

most western countries already have again populations, it’s happening now.

We are reaching a state where all western countries will have ageing populations.

I am not disagreeing with that and do think we will have to do more to attract & keep workers to compete with other countries