Private school fees- is it worth the £250k?

If it’s a good state school then I’d seriously consider sending him there and see how it goes - you could always move him to the independent school later on if necessary. I say this as someone who sends their primary school child to an independent school and is wishing there was a ‘good’ state secondary school locally (they are all underperforming) as the cost of senior school is eye watering, and then there’s the possibility of university costs on top (although I’m not sure that will be the default route by then).

Like you, I’m really struggling to determine if it’s worth it or whether we should use some of the money to move close to a decent state school. Our financial position is similar - no mortgage, both work full time, decent income and savings, modest house.

Is there any chance of a scholarship to reduce the financial burden? Have you visited both schools to get a feel for them?

State. Seems a waste of money. What does the child want?

I’m not sure OP. Debating the same here.

Prep schools £25-30k now, secondaries £30k+.

So probably £250k just for secondary - or £500k all the way through.

I can’t rationalise it at all, the numbers are too huge, and require a consistent high income for so many years. For two it will be £5k+ month.

Im leaning towards investing the money for them instead - you could fund uni, a huge house deposit, and plenty left over for tutoring, amazing travelling together etc.

You could always send to the state secondary and move at 13 (if realistic?), once you’ve assessed if it’s any good / can meet his needs.

The price of the schools is ridiculous now - I have no idea how they will survive. The prep system already seems to be collapsing - not many millennials with the cash to afford it + ludicrous house prices.

This is the other side of it as well.

I don’t live in the best area now, but thank god my dd passed the 11+ and goes to a grammar in the nearest city.

State schools where I am are dire, behaviour issues. There really aren’t any private schools near us, and we couldn’t afford it anyway, so we would have had to have moved to a better area and massively downsized.

I don’t think it is.

I grew up knowing some very wealthy people who went to some of the best private schools. But it want for education really, they were from families where those schools were just part of what they did. It was a “who you know” type thing, what family you are from. It was just expected that they went to those schools and they didn’t really do well in life due to education, it was family money and who they knew.

If you aren’t from one of those families, your face won’t fit and it’s a bit pointless.

I know people who have scrimped to put their children through private schools and it’s really made no difference to most of them academically. And actually, if you aren’t very well off and able to keep up, it’s harmed the children socially.

My ex husbands family were like the first example I mentioned. They were all expected, and have gone to Eton or the girls to Marlborough.

My ds didn’t - we divorced when he was 5, so he was pulled out of prep (I am not like them, they looked down on me so wrote ds off and wouldn’t pay).

He has cousins his age (early 20s) and honestly, I’m glad he got into a grammar and didn’t go to one of those schools. He doesn’t have much to do with his fathers family but when he’s seen them, he comments that he’s so glad he didn’t end up like them (crushing bores and absolute snobs who aren’t really that bright).

I would go state, plus tutors if needed.
Im sure he will be thankful for a house deposit in his 20's.

Violence and disruption is rife in state schools here in Scotland no matter how ‘naice’ the catchment. Private schools are a safe haven where teachers can teach and pupils can learn. How violent is the state option? That would be my main consideration. The teachers are the same sort of level between the two (we’ve had kids in both) but the private school can devote so much more time to teaching as the behavioural distractions don’t exist.