Friend leaving me whilst on holiday

"pebble-shaming you in public"

Love it 😂

This is further proof to me that the world has gone mad. You can't wear perfume anymore, you can't take a pebble from 100 billion without a friend pebble-shaming you in public, you can't do anything without the Fun Police frowning down on you from a great height!

I appreciate the pebble issue in less fulsomely-pebbled areas as mine. Also would like to make clear that I do not go round de-pebbling beaches at will. I just think it's nice when children take one as a happy memory of a day out - from a deeply pebbled beach, not from one where they are sparser. Not everyone has the money to buy souvenirs or to have phones with fancy cameras.

I’m sad you had a miserable weekend. Sadly this is when you realise when that person you thought you had great social vibes with on a daily basis is not quite the right person to holiday with.

The times we heard friends go on holiday with friends and fall out. We regretfully did this, resolved quickly with it being a road trip. We agreed to disagree and they went home. The relationship is minimal now.

On the other hand, I do think before up and leaving you should have had a conversation with her about your disappointment

The Pebbles thing is pathetic What about commercial pebbles that are sold for gardens etc. nature will create more in decades to come anyway. It’s not a rare flower or an endangered animal ffs. Some people are too busy being on the moral high ground.

YANBU

Your friend wasn’t being kind or respectful. Even if you were irritating her in some ways, she should’ve carried on being thoughtful and kind or had the odd time out. The fact the trip was for your birthday makes it even worse. Or, if she was finding it really difficult, she could’ve explained that kindly to you. Not turned to other people in your presence.

It’s fine to briefly explain why it’s not great to take even one pebble, if it’s a hill she really wanted to die on. But to you. Not an entire shop. That’s humiliating.

The only thing you could’ve done differently (if you didn’t) is explain to her why you wanted to leave your own birthday trip. Be assertive, with humour if poss, in saying how you were affected by her inconsiderate behaviour. But, given how upset you were and that you had to share a room, it’s understandable you wanted to cut and run.

I think the OP needs to work on her confidence and self esteem. Why has she never been away without family by the age of 40? Why did she have to sit about with nothing to do when the friend went away? She was very unkind to the OP but I wouldn't have enjoyed a holiday with her either.

Chat gpt reckons that an average 1km of beach contains 300million pebbles.

But OP gets told off for taking one 🙄

She does sound hard to be with.
I went away with 2 friends for a 50 celebration recently. It’s was nice but one friend didn’t appreciate the others differences and it was hard work for me. Piggy in the middle. I’ve decided not to do it again. However your friends does sound very rude as there are only two of you.

holidays with friends can be hard tho. Nothing like a holiday to show a persons true colours.
if you want her as a friend then reach out but tbh id not bother in your circumstances

Your friend sounds very self absorbed. I would have gone on the walk anyway and let her carry on in front. I know she made you feel awful so I’m not surprised if you didn’t feel like doing that. I wouldn’t be contacting her or suggesting catching up again after this.

Exactly.

“If everyone took one blah blah” but they DON’T do they. It’s doesn’t happen and it isn’t going to.

I think @Springisnearlyspring has articulated my thoughts well. Is it just a case of mismatched expectations?

She was definitely unkind to walk off without you but you also sound a bit clingy. You have very different personalities by the sound of it.

YANBU. She doesn't sound like a friend. Mean and judgemental. I'd sack her off ASAP.
Also, go get your hearing tested at specsavers. Sounds like you could do with a hearing aid. It will improve your life, believe me.

Why did you go away with her? I’m certain she is just as awful when not on holiday.

The point is though, theyre supposed to be there though, right? The tides wash them up, take them back etc.. it’s nature. You’re just disrupting it, even if, as you say, it’s only to a tiny keel. They’re just pebbles too. What harm is it to leave them?

But not everyone does take pebbles home. Last time I looked there were still millions of pebbles. Literally millions.

OP your friend is a nasty bitch.

Your language is interesting as well, You said my friend was ‘leaving me’ sounds a bit victim-y.

I would phrase that, for example, as ‘my friend went off for a walk without alone when we made an agreement to go together’

One of your early sentences in the OP said you’re only used to going on holiday with family where I think all of this is more normal, maybe

genuinely not trying to be nasty-I know the word victim doesn’t sound nice - But It just speaks to the different expectations

So I was left to do nothing, for hours, by myself.

Why did you not go out by yourself?

it sounds like you’re used to going on holiday with people where you are including part of everything and everything gets done together.

It sounds like she’s used to going on holiday slightly more independently.
Is she well travelled?

She’s been a dick, no doubt, but I do think you’ve got different expectations.

The walk thing for example, She was rude to go off without you though perhaps she wanted a bit of time on her own as it can be very intense sharing a room with someone on holiday if you’re not used to it. However, she needs to say that. Unless she felt pressurised to do everything together with you?

But there's a hundred billion on the beaches where I am according to scientific estimates. Not just millions. Seriously, everyone in the UK could have one and not make a dent. The beaches are all pebbles for miles and the pebbles are many feet deep.

You are not good trip companions, that much is clear.

It is difficult for me to say who is unreasonable as I wasn't there. Seems very strange that she just took off while you were in the toilet, leaving you behind. What would her perspective on that be? Why did she do that?

You get to see what people are really like when away. It sounds like you don’t have much in common and time to let friendship go.
Some will be in the detail. Your last comment about having nothing to do all day sounds very odd, presumably you picked location of your trip and had things you wanted to do. She’s gone off which on face of it is quite rude but if it was a pattern of her waiting around for you then less so. But you could have done exactly what you had planned.
The food thing if you had a few nice restaurants planned and she refused that’s one thing. If you were wanting to stop frequently for tea and cake and she’s wanting to get on and sightsee that’s just different expectations.

Agreed, people’s ideas of holidays can be so wildly different.

I went away with a friend once and it was like a military operation, yes I wanted to see the sights but I didn’t want to get up at 6am every day with a schedule that didn’t allow for a coffee stop if we spotted a nice cafe :)

End the friendship. She's a massive nob. Whatever you think of the pebble thing, most people would not loudly call their friend out in a public place over this. It's a pebble, not murder.

I have a friend from school who is like this - we went away for the weekend around this time last year. We have shared childhood memories and I'm genuinely fond of her (and I think she of me) but in our 50s we've nothing in common and she lives on social media. I was driven distracted with her 😁 and she probably was with me too. So I'll stick with WhatsApp messages and we'll travel with other people