Friend leaving me whilst on holiday

what would other friend's perspective be?
Went away with friend to celebrate her milestone birthday. She wanted to eat food once a day but i have WLI injections so that would be wasting valuable selfie time.

I made her look a fool in a shop by shouting at her about a pebble because i am an environmentalist and must take every opportunity to remind EVERYONE that we are only custodians, not owners, of the planet.

I think she might be a bit deaf because when we were in the bar i had to repeat things because she couldn't quite hear them. So i spoke to another family instead because it was exhausting having to repeat myself. So i didn't look like a bad friend i told them she was an introvert and totally ok sitting quietly talking to nobody at all.

Then on the last day we were going for a walk, but she went to the toilet and after a minute or two i decided to go anyway, she could catch up right? Lazy mare, probably because of all the food she is constantly eating, didn't bother.

that kind of thing?

@roastdinner346 what are you going to do next? Line underneath and move on? keeping friend at more of a distance?

She is not your friend, I'm so sorry. Happy 40th btw

Yes, this is very much one of those posts where I'd be really interested to hear the other persons perspective.

It's all very well sharing your version and us taking your word that you were a perfect companion, but sometimes we can be alarmingly unaware of our own behaviour. Or, perhaps your friend was going through something you weren't aware of.

I guess we'll never know. Unless we're lucky enough that your friend is also a Mumsnet user and shares her side - which weirdly NEVER seems to happen.

meh. I have IBS and when i need to go - especially if going for a walk and not sure when i am going to get another chance - i need to go.

It is absolutely a dick move to just go for the walk without the friend, whose birthday you are supposedly celebrating.

@KeepOffTheQuinoa How do you get the correlation between having never been on holiday with friends and being needy?

Have you heard from her at all @roastdinner346 ?

Gently, OP, it sounds like an unpleasant weekend because of mismatched expectations, something you possibly have little experience of if you’ve never gone away except with family, who know all your ways and vice versa.

For instance, knowing (presumably) that your friend was on weight loss drugs and had no appetite, did you not think to discuss how you would handle meals in advance of the weekend? Or consider whether sharing rooms, if this is your first time ever going away with a friend, might not have been the best idea? You both clearly rubbed one another up the wrong way, to the point where she was talking more to other people and left for a walk without telling you and you suddenly went home early.

In the UK, it is generally illegal to remove sand, pebbles, or shells from public beaches under the Coast Protection Act 1949. Taking these materials can lead to fines of up to £1,000, as they act as natural coastal defenses against erosion. While small, harmless souvenirs are often tolerated, large-scale removal is prohibited

To me though it seems very weird to be in the bathroom for so long though that you can't catch up with a friend. By the time you had finished surely depending on size of hotel they would only just be outside the building. Not exactly hard to catch up with!

I wonder who initiated the holiday. I was thinking it was the OP but I am not so sure.

She sounds inconsiderate but I would love to hear your friend’s side of the story. Perhaps if you had communicated the way you were feeling it would have been a happier time for both of you?

Lol! Only on Mumsnet is it normal to go from having one close friend to blocking them on everything in the course of about twenty minutes.

I can understand why you feel upset with your friends behaviour,it seems you aren't compatible as friends.
The eye rolling re food was rude and inappropriate although some people live to eat,others eat to live and they can annoy each other)
You shouldnt take pebbles/shells off the beach (in many places its illegal _Uk coastal protection act 1949) because they protect against coastal erosion and it destroys natural habitat. so saying you shouldn't do it is not unreasonable but your friend didnt need to shame you in the shop in front of others.
Differences in social interactions is inevitable,people are different. If your friend knows about your hearing loss and its affects on you socially it seems odd she woudnt have any understanding of your difficulties in hearing and how that may affect you in a group socially.
"Im happy to socialise if i'm included" seems to indicate you expect other to do "include' you rather than you having free will to join in.
The pissing off when you went to the toilet is rude .
Did you get your relative to pick you up before the weekend was over or at the end of the weekend?Did you tell your friend you were leaving and why?
I dont think you unreasonable t say im not enjoying this because you seem not to be enojying my company and that makes me upset so its best for me if i go home.
Im sorry your friend behaviour made you upset ,we cant control how others conduct themselves only how we do.

all the people saying this: why? if you go away with a friend to celebrate their birthday, why be a dick and push off for a planned walk together without that person? how selfish do you have to be to do that (after all the other stuff)

my hope, OP, is that you didn't tell her you'd gone. And haven't spoken to her since.

She's bloody rude! And not a friend OP. Don't go away with her again.

I voted YANBU but on second thoughts, you are definitely being unreasonable in staying at the hotel after she had gone off for the walk. If you had only gone to the loo, surely you could have caught her up afterward? Or even just gone on your own, as she did? I suspect you just did not want to go and was using the loo as a get-out clause. Be honest.

The talking to another family is a bit odd too - why not involve yourself in the conversation? You seem incredibly passive and now somewhat passive aggressive. But you and your friend do not seem to like one another, so I would learn from this and just find other friends.

The pebble is fine IMHO and she was a jerk about that.

And if she was invited to your actual birthday do, I'd be uninviting her straight away then block her on everything.

Just as an aside @roastdinner346 how are you feeling about giving up on the friendship?

Do you have more friends to fall back on? You mentioned you haven’t been away without family before so I am presuming that you have close family relationships. I think for the moment focus on these other relationships.

Then in time focus on developing yourself though groups and hobbies and meet nicer people who won’t behave this way towards you.

It doesn’t sound a comfortable relaxed weekend, or friendship, and she should have been making sure that it was in honour of your birthday and (within reason) putting your enjoyment first.

So YANBU.

BUT why on earth didn’t you just set off walking and catch her up, or enjoy the seafront walk on your own anyway? How much sooner could she have left if you just nipped your the loo?

And you never having been away with anyone but family at age 40, and needing collecting, how needy are you?

Bit she still behaved badly.

And I hope you enjoy your birthday and a lovely family celebration.

OP, I hope your niece really, really enjoys her illegal, bootlegged pebble. 🤣

are you the friend?
That is piffle
If you are on weight loss jabs, that's on you but people have to eat. No need to roll your eyes, either meet up with them afterwards, or go and have a drink of water to keep them company (especially if you are away to celebrate their birthday)

The pebble? Yes, it is wrong. Shouting at your friend about it in a shop full of people is being an utter wanker. It is not what friends do.

Ignoring your partially deaf friend because you have met new shiny friends to talk to is being a twat. Making up stories about them being introverted is a dick move.

The toilet thing does not depend at all. if you plan to go for a walk with someone, on a weekend away to celebrate their birthday, the VERY least amount of politeness indicates that you would tell them you were abandoning them while they were on the loo. Not acting like an utter fucking git and just leaving them.

That is not how friends behave, OP. In your shoes i would tell them all this, and then ignore them for evermore. If you are not up to telling them all this, just ignore. Don't forgive, and if you are tempted to forgive, don't ever forget they just abandoned you on the loo.

In the UK, it’s very common for people to pocket a pebble from the beach — but whether it’s socially acceptable depends on where you are and how much you take.
If you are in a protected area not acceptable. If you take one or two absolutely fine, bag full not fine. According to AI and I would agree! We take pebbles on occasion to paint and decorate- no one bats an eyelid!

Couldn’t you have messaged her and asked where she was to meet up ? It sounds like you need to develop some other friendships - it’s unusual to have not been anywhere before this except with your family but I understand your hearing issues may have contributed.

Is this another posts-op-and-runs?

Some of this sounds annoying but some of it sounds like you are quite whiny. The final example is odd to me: if she's left because you were going to the toilet, she must have only been two minutes ahead of you: why not text "I'll catch you up!"

Sitting around all day doing nothing as a reaction is very self-pitying.

Who paid for the holiday? Not that it matters. Your 'friend' sounds nasty and hateful and cruel. She treated you like absolute shit. I would no longer have anything to do with her anymore after that. She is not a friend. No friend treats someone like that. She's an enemy and clearly thinks you're stupid because you are partly deaf. The way she talked you down to that couple, and on your birthday break? Wow. That's what an enemy does. Cut her out of your life, she is so nasty and hateful. I don't even thinks she likes you at all. And no, there is nothing wrong with taking one tiny pebble! She is spiteful and meant to make you small. She needs to grow up.