Friend leaving me whilst on holiday

Not having been away before with friends does not mean you will be immune to surprising behaviour from others. If that were true, then noone who had been away with friends previously would ever experience any problems living or going away with other friends in the future. By this rationale, noone would ever enter into a toxic relationship or friendship more than once and clearly that isnt the case.

My friends and I have different appetites but in reasonable people you would expect that if they didnt want to eat an actual meal they'd be happy sitting with you sipping a cocktail instead, or a soft drink. Or, they could order a starter whilst you had a main meal. You wouldnt expect friends to be eye rolling at you and huffing just because you had to eat. Especially not when the trip is due to the OP's 40th birthday. Meals arent just about food- they are about sitting and chatting and maybe having some drinks whilst watching the sun go down etc Noone is forcing this friend to eat and what is she going to do instead? sit at the bar?- well she can sit with her friend who is eating surely. If you arent on weight loss injections you arent to know that it takes your appetite away completely. I am not on WLI and was shocked as heck to be told by my work colleague that she was only eating one small chicken breast a day. That is a shockingly small amount. I knew it curbed your appetite but not that much!

Oh don't be so daft. It might be a problem if everyone wanted to take a stone but since everyone doesn't, this is a silly comment. One stone makes zero difference.

I know exactly how that feels with the hearing. I have mild / moderate hearing loss in one ear and the hospital checked no underlying cause and then just gave me advice on how to cope. In a noisy room and / or with people talking quietly it’s very hard to feel included if I’m sat on one end.

I’m sorry to say this OP but I don’t think your friend likes you much, being so inconsiderate (all the examples). I’m glad it wasn’t on your actual birthday and I hope you have a happier 🎉 birthday!

Ok calm down, I was only explaining the reasoning for it. I wasn’t the one having a go at the op so don’t jump down my throat!

Oh ffs we get pebbles caught in our shoes. Or towels. One tiny pebble isn't going to do much. It's a batshit thing to shout at someone about in front of everyone in the street at least.

Wow, the victim-blaming here! Her friend was rude to her, shouted at her in the street over a tiny pebble, and bad-mouthed her to another group and said she 'hates people' and suddenly it's her fault because she may have been 'mollycoddled'? No one wants to be shouted at in the street over something so tiny, bad-mouthed and gossiped about. Whether they were mollycoddled ornot.

Well, no, there's no evidence at all of the OP being unreasonable. On the face of it, her friend was being a pain in the ass.

My only point is that the OP says she's never in her life been away with anyone other than her family in her 40 years (and family presumably know all her ways) which suggests she's had no prior experience of how people can rub one another up the wrong way on holiday, especially when sharing a room, even if they're generally good friends.

For instance, I sleep very lightly, and know to never share a room with anyone, as the slightest snoring or muttering wakes me and I'm unable to get back to sleep, so I always have a room to myself, so I can sleep properly and be happy and well-rested in the daytime.

And I seldom go away with one of my closest friends in the world because, although she's working hard on it in therapy, she has a severe eating disorder, and it's difficult for her to find things she's OK with eating, and eating in public, which can be stressful for anyone accompanying her.

So in the OP's shoes, presumably knowing the friend was on weight-loss injections, I'd probably have raised the issue of eating before arranging the trip, and pointing out that I would be eating three meals a day as usual, and how was she going to deal with that if she wasn't hungry.

I'd suggest inexperience, rather than unreasonableness, on the OP's part, may have played a part in the weekend being so difficult.

Oh I agree that the friend sounded very rude, and particularly odd about pebblegate!

Having holidayed with a few people I think points of contention are usually a, b and c food, and d getting up and out in the mornings. Woe betide an early bird holidays with a late riser…

Taking pebbles contributes to coastal erosion. Imagine if everyone took one away.

A. Presumably she didnt seem that awful in short bursts. There are plenty of tales both online and on MN about friends who seemed great for an hour or two and turned into a nightmare on holiday. This is exactly the reason people are advised to live together before getting married because you cannot really know someone when only seeing them for a few hours at a time. Its when you are with someone 24/7 that their true nature comes out.

B. I dont see any evidence of OP being unreasonable here - her friend was flat out rude to her and even if someone is irritating you on holiday if its your friend and its their birthday then you bloody talk to them, you dont slag them off to strangers or lecture them in public.

The OP said nothing about wanting "gargantuan" meals and competitive under eating is just as irritating as over eating.

It's utter rubbish to suggest everyone taking one pebble would mean we would collapse into sea....

I live on coast too

Not really. But in this case a) if the friend is really as awful as this, then why go on holiday with them and b) many of us have experienced the travelling companion who drives us to drink. I think a big of extra info would be helpful, like was it OP’s treat.

I have experienced both sides - the person who is obsessed by meals and gargantuan feasting, and also the person who doesn’t want to eat anything and sits in judgement. Oh, and the person who refuses to go outside their comfort zone and will only go to Costas and Pizza Express. All are infuriating!

It's a shame you didn't answer my previous question as I'm trying to see the background here. You say it's the first time you've been away without family and you are 40. Have you led a sheltered life and do your family maybe mollycoddle you?

Presumably she wanted to do it with a companion! It's not weird for her to not go for the walk after her friend ditched her.

I went on holiday with a good friend once. We went to Magaluf (we were turning 21). I wanted to party. She wanted to…nap and read Harry Potter.

She was lovely but my god she was dull as dishwater on holiday.

Having said that, I’d happily lie down and read Harry Potter instead of partying now.

I think that particular response is down to people's experience of going away or holidaying with others.
Sometimes it's a mismatch we didn't anticipate.

One person's abandonment is the other's independence...and what went on depends on who's telling it.

She doesn't sound like a very nice friend to be honest. It was a trip for your birthday so you should've been able to have some say in what you did including going for some food. Also, taking a pebble is hardly cre of the century and not really her place to police your behaviour as you are an adult not her child. I would send her a message just to outline how excluded she made you feel and how you've realised she isn't a true friend. Then block her. She won't change, she sounds very self centred and judgemental.

You were right to go home.

I had something similar happen to me and I stuck out the holiday with her.
I should have bailed at the airport before we departed.
I never spoke to her again.

Me too- also that "we havent heard her side of the story" - well that applies to every single flipping thread on MN and so should every reply on every thread be "well we havent heard their side of the story"? bit ridiculous

Sympathies, OP - she sounds like a self-centred cow and a bad friend. I'm puzzled that so many people on here are trying to defend her tbh.

That reminds me of last year when I went abroad with my friend. She got hammered in the airport. Like 2 pints of strong lager and a large wine or two. On the plane she drank 5 of those 250ml bottles of wine. By the time we got to the carousel, she was propping the walls up while I tried to retrieve both our cases!

I had to drag/carry her, plus both cases to the transfer bus. She couldn't even speak properly. I though we'd never get through security.

I was so glad to come home. She's now asking me to go with her again. I think not!!

I agree with this advice. Perhaps something to think about.

You do seem keen to look elsewhere for your happiness, but you could have made some better decisions here and showed a bit more agency.

Another example - you could have started each day reading a novel over a giant hotel breakfast - that would have taken the edge off the food issue!

Sound like she’s been quite harsh and mean to you this weekend. She sounds impatient and she’s become irritated with you. I did vote YABU though because I think you could have set off and done the nice walk on your own too, and also if you wanted to join in the chat with the randoms you could have moved seats so you could hear more and smiled and said hello and taken responsibility for yourself. I encourage you to take ownership of your own activities and happiness more.

Depends. I’ve been really tempted to fuck off places without my husband when he “pops to the loo” to scroll for 40 mins…

She sounds awful. But out of interest, how did you find out she told the other family you hated people?

Did you hear her saying it? I think at that point you should've called her out about her behaviour and how it was hurtful.