Friend leaving me whilst on holiday

She is not a nice person.
Now you know.
Sometimes it takes going away with someone to see them clearly.
Well done for leaving her to her judgy nastiness.
I'm sorry you had to find out who she really is while away with her.

That person does not sound like any sort of friend, sorry OP

The law about beaches is fairly clear (her lording over you is not ok)

"Taking pebbles, shells, or sand from public beaches in the UK is generally illegal under the Coastal Protection Act 1949. Removing these materials, which act as natural sea defenses against coastal erosion, can result in fines of up to £1,000. It is advised to leave all natural materials on the beach."

I have taken pebbles but now our coast is so threatened I wouldn't any more.

We can only comment on what we know based on the OPs post though.

It’s the same as everything we see on MN of course - we are only getting one side of the story, but we need to comment based on what we have been told.

It’s also perfectly possible that it did happen as Op has outlined and if so the friend is very much in the wrong. Sometimes in a friendship fall out, one side really is to blame.

Bear in mind the ‘ horrible ‘ friend isn’t here to share her point of view.. it’s perfectly possible that they both trod on each others toes and Didnt discuss it, and so both came home miffed. Either forgive each other, or move on, really.

If only ‘Mr Happy’ had been left on the beach…🤷‍♀️

I was away with two relatives on WLI and they still ate 3 meals a day, although small ones.
I have a dear friend who is a pain about meals on holiday. She is petite and at every fricking meal I get the whole “ Oh gosh this is so big, I can’t possibly eat all this. I shall need to skip lunch/dinner etc”. I just tend to ignore her now as I know it’s all about her not about me.
None of us are perfect which is why separate rooms and having more than two people is always good.

Sure, and the friend could have done this too. But she didnt do this either and she was the one getting huffy and annoyed so actually, the friend should have had this conversation if she knows she is easily irritated

@Gingercatlover - it was a question to the OP, not a rhetorical question.
And I don't want to add to what is a bit of a pile on on this thread because the OP answered some points and whatever else was going on, the OP was badly treated by her badly behaved friend.

So in theory: I think it possible that someone who has never been away with anyone but family by the age of 40 is less independent than average. But obviously there may be many reasons. MN is full of women I regard as having needy behaviours in ''needing support' - can't contemplate doing ordinary things alone, like going to the cinema, driving more than an hour, driving somewhere they don't know, or on a motorway. Not going out after dark, even to the corner shop, not going for a rural walk alone etc.

Personally I would not have asked a relative to pick me up unless it was an actual emergency. I understand that it was no longer comfortable for the OP to be with the 'friend' but compared to putting someone out, having a meal and a drink and a bit of an explore, and then turning up late (or being asleep early) in the room would have been do-able for me.

But I get we are all different and maybe the pick-up distance was an hour's round trip max.

The OP does not think she is a needy person in general and if you have had enough and its your birthday weekend, that's fair enough.

Of course it doesn’t mean you’ll be immune, but it means you have more idea what questions to ask in advance, whether you might be better off with your own room, and you’ll be less surprised by the behaviours because you’ve seen before how your perception of someone changes when you are spending all your time with them, including eating and sleeping.

Exactly - and just to add, asking your friend on WLI how much she intends to eat whilst on holiday with you would then be called out on here as being rude and intrusive and none of her business so the OP cant really win!

If the friend's appetite has significantly changed and she doesnt wish to be around others eating then the onus is on HER to tell the OP, its not up to the OP to start asking her potentially sensitive questions about her eating habits and then she'd probably get accused of weight shaming her or similar.

Agree with this and just to add - I was on a 10 day retreat and two of the ladies were on WLI, one ate 3 meals a day every single day and the other ate just one meal a day at most and then had a few snacks in her room.

So it’s not a given that someone on WLI will have these issues with eating. It was up to OPs friend to speak up beforehand if she thought it was going to be an issue.

She sounds like a horrible friend - whose idea was it to go on the holiday for your 40th?

I saw those friendships dynamics at certain events in my 20s and inevitably it was as a result of friend A not really wanting to celebrate or support friend B, but somehow feeling obliged to be in attendance.

The default/normal position is to eat 2/3 meals a day, if you’re on WLI and don’t feel you do that it’s on you to discuss with said friend beforehand. I don’t think it was up to OP to ask about that.

I know people on WLI who do eat 3 meals a day so it’s not always obvious how much that person eats just because you know they’re on WLI. If I couldn’t eat as normal for any reason, I’d just go along with my friend and order a Herbal tea or something. I wouldn’t make her feel bad for wanting to eat.

There was no excuse for her leaving to the walk without you assuming you didn’t stay in the toilet for like an hour. Who does that? Why are people trying to justify it. I’ve been on multiple trips with a variety of friends over the last 2 decades and no one has ever done that to me and I can be pretty slow at getting ready.

Horrible behaviour. This person is not a friend, she is a frenemy. I would end the friendship. This selfish individual brings nothing to the table.

It's ALL horrible

Why don't you like chatting to strangers that's weird.

Friend!? Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me

She took 1 effing pebble! 😂😂

The thing is though that some people are a bit thick so your beach may be ok. Then they go to another beach and think ‘well it was ok on x beach!’

Don't agree with anything you've said!!

PithyViewer · Today 07:30
Just checked, and the short stretch of coastline where I grew up is estimated to hold 100 billion pebbles! 🤣 Everyone in the Uk could have one and not make a dent! Appreciate it's different in other areas.

Oh watch out @ShawnaMacallister will say you are making stupid comments.

its not silly, see the screenshot attached. It’s the literal reason it’s not allowed not just something I made up.

For those in doubt about the poor OP and the pebble case
Look up the Coast Protection Act 1949.
If a thousand people took a pebble daily for a week…that’s a lot of pebbles.

As a toddler, I remember my granny telling me the bus driver refused to let me on the bus with a pebble (size of an adult hand) and that it had to be returned to the beach. The pebbles are a part of the natural defence against erosion here on the Jurassic Coast uk.

We missed the bus…got the next with a more kindly driver.

“Needy” can mean different things to diffferent people. As you only ever been away with family, it sounds like you’re used to others meeting your needs and planning for everyone, and see this as normal and no big deal.

Your friends sounds like she’s more independent and better at advocating for herself. If she expected the same from you, she may have reached her limit of feeling like she was meeting all of your needs because you were passively not doing so yourself.

For example,

it sounds like she drove, so was responsible for getting you there. Did you offer to navigate? Know how to get there? Look up the best route? Have an overview of traffic? Or just sit passively in the car and assume she would get you there.

You were hungry. She wasn’t. Were you unwilling to eat alone and “needed” her to accompany you?

You were upset that you weren’t “included” in the conversation with strangers. Did you ASK to swap seats so you weren’t on the end, or did you just passively expect that she would know that you wanted to join in and facilitate this?

She was loading the car, before the walk. Did you help with this? If not, as you’ve said it was a quick trip to the bathroom, could you have done this WHILE she was loading?

You chose not to go on the walk because it wasn’t exactly how you wanted it to be (with your friend from the beginning rather than having to catch her up/ meet her) then frame it you OP as something out of your control.

I'm sorry you had a rubbish weekend, but I’m also trying to see how your friend might have felt. If she’s very capable/ strong/ no nonsense and you’re more laid back and passive, this may be where she’s coming from. Feeling (rightly or wrongly) that you’re solely responsible for another adults needs and wants when you feel that they’re not doing much to meet them themself is exhausting
and annoying.

I've been going on short breaks with a couple of friends on and off for the last 30 years!
They are amongst the best holidays I've had.
We've been to lots of places all over Europe - our most recent ones being Sorrento and Marrakesh.
No partners no children - it's heaven in holiday form ;)