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Original poster

Friend leaving me whilst on holiday

283 replies

roastdinner346 · 16/02/2026 01:47

So me and my friend went away for a weekend break (Friday to Monday), for an early celebration for my 40th birthday next week.
Its the first time I've ever been anywhere with anyone else apart from my family.
A few things really got to me.
Firstly was she rolled her eyes and gave me looks when I said I was hungry. She's on weightloss jabs, and has no appetite at all, and can only manage a few mouthfuls, which is completely fine, but that doesn't mean I don't get hungry 🙈
The next thing was that I wanted to take a pebble off the beach for my niece, who collects them from various places.
She didn't agree with this, and we were paying for something in a shop and she went on about me taking the tiny pebble, saying that it should be left there, and said it so loudly all the other people in the shop could hear. It just made me feel really small.
Then last evening in the entertainment lounge, she started talking to a family next to us. Which again, isn't a problem, but I'm left on the end, left out of the conversation, and because I'm slightly deaf, I had no idea what they were saying to even join in.
She asked me to get drinks, which I did, and then I turns out she had told them that I'm introverted and that I hate people. So god knows what these people must have thought about me.
I will happily speak to people, if I'm included.
Then today we were supposed to be going for a walk to the other side of the sea front.
I needed the toilet, so she decided to go without me. I didn't realise until I texted her and she said that she's already gone.
So I was left to do nothing, for hours, by myself.
At that point I got really upset. She knew I wanted to go. I'd had enough and just wanted to go home. I didnt want to share a room, or pretend I was ok any more, it was exhausting, so I got a family member to kindly pick me up and take me home.
For the whole weekend it felt like it was just an excuse for her to take endless selfies, not once did she ask to get one of both of us. I just wondered why I was even there.
Am I overreacting for being upset about all of this?

OP posts:
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Original poster
roastdinner346 · 17/02/2026 16:26

Georgiepud · 16/02/2026 03:39

Out of interest, what is her attitude towards you like when you're not away together?

Completely fine. We've always got on well.
Although I have noticed if I ever said i had any health issue, she's always had it worse, but that's about it.

OP posts:
ABeerInTheSunshineMakesMeHappy · 16/02/2026 20:16

roastdinner346 · 16/02/2026 18:49

Possibly. I was in a relationship when I was 17 until I was 35, the relationship was an emotionally abusive one, i wasn't allowed friends, so i didn't have any until that relationship ended.

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I’m really sorry to hear this.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 16/02/2026 19:50

AgnesMcDoo · 16/02/2026 03:09

Sh sounds dreadful. I don’t blame you for going home. Not one bit.

Edited

Seconded!

FinallyHere · 16/02/2026 19:39

An argument in favour of holidaying solo.

it’s really is very enjoyable indeed and avoids all that disappointment. Enjoy.

PussInBin20 · 16/02/2026 19:28

Blimey, with a friend like that who needs enemies as they say!

Nuncheon · 16/02/2026 19:28

milkandoats · 16/02/2026 14:27

Sure, and the friend could have done this too. But she didnt do this either and she was the one getting huffy and annoyed so actually, the friend should have had this conversation if she knows she is easily irritated

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Sure. As ever, though, the only behaviour you can change is your own. AIBU is full of complaints about how someone 'should have' done something, or should have known not to do something else. But bluntly, you can't do anything about that. You can change your own behaviour in response, or foresee enough to avoid the situation.

But the OP, in having emerged fairly recently from a long, abusive relationship in which she says she wasn't allowed friends, is probably comparatively inexperienced with friendships in any case, and was certainly a novice as regards the potential pitfalls of going away with someone which many of us would have been aware of since disastrous weekends away in our teens.

NowForSomethingCompletelyDifferent · 16/02/2026 19:26

Changename12 · 16/02/2026 17:29

If you are going deaf, it will not be great for you, but it will not be easy for your friend to have a conversation with you on a night out, especially with a lot of background noise. Likewise, your friend may have just told you she was just starting off on her walk and you simply not heard her. People who are going deaf simply do not realise what they miss hearing. You should have caught her up but you decided not to go. You need to get your hearing sorted out. If you can afford a weekend away, then you can afford a trip to specsavers.

Hearing aids help with hearing loss but cannot completely recover everything that is said. People should be aware of this and be more inclusive and understanding.

OP it doesn't sound like she was sympathetic to you. I'm surprised that there is an age prioritisation policy regarding hearing aids in your area - that's not the case where I am. I've digital NHS hearing aids which are really good and I definitely couldn't work without them so the under 50s not being prioritised is strange.

There is evidence of a link between dementia and uncorrected hearing loss so perhaps that's why older age groups are particularly prioritised.

Original poster
roastdinner346 · 16/02/2026 19:18

Its been interesting reading the comments, and seeing what other people have thought.

When me and my friend were walking back to the apartment, I said I was just going to the loo before we went, and she said she was going to put something in the car.
I waited a bit thinking she'd come back from the car, but she didn't. I then went to the car and she wasn't there, so I messaged her and asked, and then she said she'd gone for the walk.
I was upset because she knew I wanted to go too. After all of the other things that had happened, this was like the final straw and just upset me, and I didn't want to spend another 24 hours pretending I was happy about the way that I felt.
Yes I could have done the walk on my own, but I was looking forward to walking and seeing the views with my friend.
I am completely able to do things by myself, I've been to concerts, the cinema, events by myself, the point was that we agreed that we was going to do it together.

Regarding the comment on driving and did I help. I can't drive, so she did, I didn't need to offer directions as she has a sat nav, but I did contribute by providing the petrol.

OP posts:
Original poster
roastdinner346 · 16/02/2026 19:08

Changename12 · 16/02/2026 17:29

If you are going deaf, it will not be great for you, but it will not be easy for your friend to have a conversation with you on a night out, especially with a lot of background noise. Likewise, your friend may have just told you she was just starting off on her walk and you simply not heard her. People who are going deaf simply do not realise what they miss hearing. You should have caught her up but you decided not to go. You need to get your hearing sorted out. If you can afford a weekend away, then you can afford a trip to specsavers.

I have been to get a hearing test, and have been told I have hearing loss. Im waiting for my appointment off the hospital as because I am under 50, I don't meet the requirements to get a hearing aids instantly.
The break was £38, and i am infact regretting spending it on a break instead of putting it towards a hearing aid, but i thought going away for a weekend for my birthday would be fun.

OP posts:
Original poster
roastdinner346 · 16/02/2026 18:49

littlehyena · 16/02/2026 12:00

It's a shame you didn't answer my previous question as I'm trying to see the background here. You say it's the first time you've been away without family and you are 40. Have you led a sheltered life and do your family maybe mollycoddle you?

Possibly. I was in a relationship when I was 17 until I was 35, the relationship was an emotionally abusive one, i wasn't allowed friends, so i didn't have any until that relationship ended.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 16/02/2026 18:19

She was extremely irritated by you for no reason, she’s not a good friend. It’s your holiday weekend too.

ABeerInTheSunshineMakesMeHappy · 16/02/2026 18:17

milkandoats · 16/02/2026 11:31

Me too- also that "we havent heard her side of the story" - well that applies to every single flipping thread on MN and so should every reply on every thread be "well we havent heard their side of the story"? bit ridiculous

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Always a good idea to consider what the other person’s point of view may be. And yes, I do think that in respect of the majority of threads concerning friendship issues.

PithyViewer · 16/02/2026 18:00

Whatkindoffuckeryisthiss · 16/02/2026 10:45

Jeez. I wonder how many of the folk bleating on about the flipping pebble stealing being so crushing to marine ecosystems have ever gone on a cruise / ferry. A bit of perspective please.

Exactly! I bet the pebble-shamers all have cars and children and possibly pets - all much worse for the planet than taking one measly pebble!

ShawnaMacallister · 16/02/2026 17:43

ConstanzeMozart · 16/02/2026 16:39

Taking pebbles off the beach isn't OK. It's the 'but it's just one!' mentality that's the problem; if everyone thinks that, beaches will be stripped of them. Plus, any given pebble could be home, shelter or use for some creature or other.

The walk to the other side of the sea front: you could easily have just followed.

Her telling people you were introverted and hate people sounds like someone who's about thirteen. Reminds me of horrible things my school bullies and so-called 'friends' who wanted to be accepted by the cool kids used to do to me.

A plausible estimate for how many pebbles are on all the beaches in the uk is apparently 10-20 trillion pebbles. If everyone in the uk took a pebble home tomorrow it wouldn't actually make a dent in the pebble situation. People have taken large quantities of pebbles from beaches to build rockeries, gravel their gardens and create other features which is the type of thing that causes an issue. NOT emphatically not a single pebble being taken by a single person.

clarepetal · 16/02/2026 17:41

Removing one pebble? Unreasonable?!! I have taken bags away to paint and put in the bottom of my plant pots for drainage. Shoot me now.
Your 'friend' sounds horrible. I'll go away with you, we can collect pebbles and eat food together.

ShawnaMacallister · 16/02/2026 17:35

BashfulClam · 16/02/2026 13:16

its not silly, see the screenshot attached. It’s the literal reason it’s not allowed not just something I made up.

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Yes and that's aimed at people who take a bunch of them for their ponds or gardens. Not one person taking one stone.

Changename12 · 16/02/2026 17:29

If you are going deaf, it will not be great for you, but it will not be easy for your friend to have a conversation with you on a night out, especially with a lot of background noise. Likewise, your friend may have just told you she was just starting off on her walk and you simply not heard her. People who are going deaf simply do not realise what they miss hearing. You should have caught her up but you decided not to go. You need to get your hearing sorted out. If you can afford a weekend away, then you can afford a trip to specsavers.

ShawnaMacallister · 16/02/2026 17:04

400rider · 16/02/2026 12:57

For those in doubt about the poor OP and the pebble case
Look up the Coast Protection Act 1949.
If a thousand people took a pebble daily for a week…that’s a lot of pebbles.

As a toddler, I remember my granny telling me the bus driver refused to let me on the bus with a pebble (size of an adult hand) and that it had to be returned to the beach. The pebbles are a part of the natural defence against erosion here on the Jurassic Coast uk.

We missed the bus…got the next with a more kindly driver.

But a thousand people don't take a pebble daily. A thousand people will never want to take a pebble daily. If your aunt had balls she'd be your uncle, but she doesn't.

tuvamoodyson · 16/02/2026 16:56

Cankerousa · 16/02/2026 15:14

I've found a solution.

Next time I visit that beach I will take two of my garden rocks, thus restoring the balance and adding an extra one too!

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I should think so too! Pebble stealer….

ConstanzeMozart · 16/02/2026 16:39

Taking pebbles off the beach isn't OK. It's the 'but it's just one!' mentality that's the problem; if everyone thinks that, beaches will be stripped of them. Plus, any given pebble could be home, shelter or use for some creature or other.

The walk to the other side of the sea front: you could easily have just followed.

Her telling people you were introverted and hate people sounds like someone who's about thirteen. Reminds me of horrible things my school bullies and so-called 'friends' who wanted to be accepted by the cool kids used to do to me.

JohnTheRevelator · 16/02/2026 16:02

Doesn't sound like a friend.

Basquervill · 16/02/2026 15:55

Cupua · 16/02/2026 14:56

We can only comment on what we know based on the OPs post though.

It’s the same as everything we see on MN of course - we are only getting one side of the story, but we need to comment based on what we have been told.

It’s also perfectly possible that it did happen as Op has outlined and if so the friend is very much in the wrong. Sometimes in a friendship fall out, one side really is to blame.

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You’re not wrong! I think all the posts exclaiming what a nasty bitch the friend was turns my mind to the wider picture , in the interest of fairness.

Rightsraptor · 16/02/2026 15:39

I had no idea about the pebble & shell law. We used to take loads home from the seaside when I was a child, so much so that my father rendered an external wall and stuck them onto it.

I think your 'friend' sounds awful, OP. Someone said that you should/could have raised the food issue beforehand but if it's your friend with the drug-induced appetite of a gnat, she should have been the one to raise it & not you

Perhaps the loo thing was to give you some privacy?

EvangelineTheNightStar · 16/02/2026 15:29

Basquervill · 16/02/2026 14:54

Bear in mind the ‘ horrible ‘ friend isn’t here to share her point of view.. it’s perfectly possible that they both trod on each others toes and Didnt discuss it, and so both came home miffed. Either forgive each other, or move on, really.

Oh come on now, look at how many posters have completely ignored that and had so much enjoyment in calling the ‘friend’ a cow/bitch/nasty/horrible…
they’ve really enjoyed their pitchforks and pyre!

Cankerousa · 16/02/2026 15:14

tuvamoodyson · 16/02/2026 14:39

If only ‘Mr Happy’ had been left on the beach…🤷‍♀️

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I've found a solution.

Next time I visit that beach I will take two of my garden rocks, thus restoring the balance and adding an extra one too!