Division of responsibilities

I think your life sounds amazing. When would he have time to do more and what are you asking for? Personally we have prioritised more time at home so we are nowhere near a paid off mortgage or investment accounts or any of that, but you will absolutely have a much nicer retirement etc than I will. That is a totally legitimate choice and it’s wonderful that you’ve been able to do this while having a young family. But what else could he possibly contribute - all the financial security, no pressure on you and half the weekend responsibilities?

Totally get that! I've only just gone back to work part time and I'm a teacher. We'd like to get to a financial position where I could take a career break in future but I do see the benefits of continuing part time work.

Also DH actually said to me last night he's been thinking and he's going to try and move towards work that is less time-consuming as he wants to make sure he's able to be more present

I think you're perfectly clear OP

I personally think the more important question is, if your mortgage is now paid off and you don't plan to move, what are your financial goals? How much money do you have and what is it for, are you planning on early retirement for both of you? How much more do you need? Do you have enough that your partner could step back and do shorter hours in a different easier job, or go part time himself to spend more time with the kids and share the mental load more? That way he doesn't need the time off to himself on the Sunday and you can spend it as a family. It doesn't sound like you're financially stretched, so if you're feeling you want him to spend more time with the kids, as he should want, what can be done about that. I think that is the conversation worth having.

It’s your life, you don’t have to convince me how happy your are!

Your posting is very odd.

But she isn't caring for preschoolers. They are at nursery. She has explained in previous posts she has two days at home child free.
That's why I don't see how it would then be fair to expect their partner who works til 7.30 to then have to come home and do 50% of the chores when she has had two days of leisure time.
As I suggested (and has been taken on board) looking at the bigger picture of who does what and whether it's fair when you look at every aspect and take into account how much time someone has available is the fairest way. Planning her two days 'off' so they are 'work' days then seems like they are both doing the same e.g. knowing that on Thursday she batch cooks to fill the freezer, mops the floor and hoovers while Friday is put washing on, go to the gym/for coffee, come back hang washing out, do dusting.

If you’re happy doing almost everything and now paying probably 50% of the bills then crack on. Deep down you know you’re not since you came on mumsnet to pour out your complaints.
It’s very common for posters on here to double down and defend their life and their husband when people point things out, but like I said you are the one who felt badly enough about it to post here. Thats no one else’s fault.

Why does it not make sense?
Are you truly “spending the day as you please” when you are caring for preschoolers though? Your day is based around caring for them, you aren’t free to do whatever you want.
I don’t think earning less comes into it. If someone was truly “off” and their kids are in school then yeah they can do more chores in that time but there really no excuse for a man doing 5% of the domestic load and barely doing any parenting.

When my DH comes home we are a team, he is pitching in just the same whether I’ve been working or not because with young kids there’s always things that need to be done.

But that doesn't make sense. If one person has two days off a week, earning less are you saying it's fine they still only do have the housework and that they just get the rest of the time to do as they pleas?

Personally I think all domestic labour and childcare outside working hours should be generally 50/50.
I don’t understand women doing 95% of things even when they work part time.
I don’t work at the minute and I don’t even do 95%

What sort of man is happy to come home from work and sit on his arse while his wife continues to run around doing everything.

You started the thread asking the question. If you're totally happy with the set up, why did you ask for other people's opinions?

I don't know any parent who does as little parenting as your husband. Taking kids to a Saturday morning activity doesn't make an involved parent in my view. But then you're simultaneously questioning if he does enough and ushering him out the door to have Sunday to himself. Strange.

He should be parenting the kids - it’s not “helping!” When it’s his kids too!! - 50% of the time when he’s not working and doing things that they need such as taking them to swimming or clubs or to bed or whatever.

Bit she's also been working hard to ensure the mortgage is paid off. She's paying for lots of other expenses and basically letting him off of doing any housework or childcare. That's nuts. Who has three kids and expects to be able to outsource everything to the other parent? If he was a single man with no kids he would still be doing more housework than he does now. Having a full time job shpuld not mean he gets out of doing everything else.

OP, you sound really nice and reasonable. Enjoy working part time, I loved it when mine were very young. The biggest struggle I had was planning my limited childfree time and I think it’s important you try and limit how long you spend doing house related chores so you can make the most of the time to yourself.

No I don't think it's fair and this used to be my set up too for a long time. Then I went back to work full time but my husband was so used to everything being done for him and me doing all the child and finance related life admin that it was nigh impossible to change because he now viewed it as ' my job'. You work around 60-70% of the same hours yet do 100% of everything else. Do you think it's fair?

How is that easy?! 2 days off a week and her husband working hard ensuring their mortgage is paid off.

The OP has 3 children so presumably enjoys being a parent. I’m a teacher and the only time I get off is when I’m with my children all of the time and I love it. However hard it is when they argue I much prefer being with them to working.

Whatever about him not doing stuff when he’s not there the two days he is the two of you should be working together to get stuff done so you can enjoy life! (My opinion ably and the way my house worked as a child but in reality here the day we’re both off he doesn’t see mess and everything is a battle- sigh). I personally think it’s horrendous that women pay for clothes, activities etc etc out of their own money as opposed to family money but then equally the non at home parent will think all the extra stuff is not necessary so it’s always a battle.