Am I right to feel hurt over those comments ???

Bloody hell OP, his behaviour would clamp me rightly shut permanently.
Of course he could respectfully say thats not him.
No reason to degrade and humiliate you like that.
He sounds like a complete arsehole.
5 times a week wouldn't be happening anytime soon after the way he has spoken to you.
What a twat.

Did you suggest anal?

Sounds like a madonna/whore complex to me!

Well said!!!!

Definitely talk to him about the language he used. Reassure him its fine to have things he likes and doesn't, but not to judge you and call you names when you suggest something new. Ask to set aside some time to talk about both your fantasies, that no kne has to do any of them, but there might be some shared ones you can try. But ultimately, a wife wanting intimacy with her husband can never be degrading, because you love and respect each other.

I would actually be really annoyed if my OH brought up a new position in a situation like this, after we had had a really nice night together. We usually talk about these things in advance, establish and rediscuss our boundaries, etc. I dont think you meant it like this but I would see it as manipulative to bring up this conversation after you've had a nice night together. It wouldn't sit right with me at all.

ETA his language was not ok, have a conversation about all of this when sex is off the table

Jesus! He thinks that women who have sexual appetites are whores and degrade themselves? Wowee. It's one thing to not want to do something (no problem) but to judge his own wife in such a misogynistic way is appalling.

But he called her degrading names just for suggesting something different.

5 times a week is a lot, how do you manage that with kids? We are like ships in the night here though admittedly our lives are busier than most....
Whatever it was. He wasnt in to it, thats fine. Each to their own.

Of course they can suggest different things but you cannot expect a man or woman to do something in the bedroom and go along with a suggested act they are not comfortable with.

5 times a week is alot! However in another 2 or 3 years do you want to be still having vanilla sex? Nothing wrong with it but it sounds like you want more and you and him are not on the same page.

Youre going to end up resenting him possibly? Or you can or could just shut up and put up and carry on.

Quite the drip feed. If he really used such language, why wasn’t it in the OP?

OP why won’t you answer the PPs’ question about what it was you asked him to do? It would make things a lot clearer and easier to advise you. If you just asked him to give it to you doggy style, he does sound like a prude. Does he watch porn?

So how is a partner meant to talk about their fantasies and try different things to keep things varied? He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to. But saying that wanting something different is equal to degrading her and calling her names for expressing her thoughts is dysfunctional thinking.

This

Of course. But his reaction with the words degrading and whore wasn’t really acceptable.

You really need to talk to him, it sounds like he was shocked and gave an impulsive reaction, I'm sure he doesn't think badly of you.

I think you are over reacting a little, thinking your marriage is in trouble. It sounds very healthy from what you say. I don't think its surprising that he isn't as sprightly as he was when he was 20, that's normal enough. I imagine it's frustrating if you are more experimental, but honestly i think most relationships of couples in 40s with two kids are quite routine and predictable.

Probably took him by surprise. Just talk to him

Wait, is this an update? Is what he said in the moment or during a later discussion? This language is much worse.

If either a man or woman is uncomfortable with something in the bedroom then it should not happen . And that’s the end of it.

I think you might be over reacting a bit. Of course talk to him about his language - “degrading” was absolutely the wrong word - but clearly what’s happened here is you’ve taken him by surprise mid intercourse and suggested something he is not at all comfortable with.

While you’re worrying, he’s probably also worrying that you’re bored sexually and planning to leave him.

Make sure you have a good chat about it at a non vulnerable moment (not starkers!) and see if there’s anything you’d both like to try

He feels the lily does not need to be gilded (he just wants me).

Blimey OP, what did you want him to do?

I can understand why you felt uncomfortable. It is almost like he’s making you feel ashamed and grubby for asking for something in the bedroom. How condescending to kiss you on the forehead and go to sleep! It does not sound to me like your ‘pressuring’ him, it reads like you are totally respectful of his stance.

But, are you abit bored of vanilla? Haven’t we been encouraged to ask for what we want as women in the bedroom, not lying on our backs thinking of Britain anymore!

I would wonder why he doesn’t want to excite you? Work to keep it interesting and fun?

I hear you, I’m not sure what I’d do. I suppose try and bring it up but not in the bedroom during the act.