Am I right to feel hurt over those comments ???

I think it really depends what you wanted him to do.
His reaction was quite strong so I’m guessing it was something unusual?

That's just wild to me in this day and age.

There are some married men who do want sex with their wives but struggle with their wives being sexual...

You couldn't make it up, could you. I'm so glad I'm single after a long marriage filled with nonsense.

If that's true, then 🤮.

I think it's very hard to advise OP accurately without knowing what it is she suggested they do, so it's a pity that she won't tell us.

You’ve gone from saying in your Op that he doesn’t want to degrade his wife to now him saying not a whore?

.

I'm willing to bet it was doggy and that he wants the little wifey on her back and passive.

Why does him not wanting to do it doggie style make you feel ashamed?

It sounds like you’re upset you’re not getting what you want and you’re turning it into him shaming you.

I had an ex partner who wanted to spit in my face during sex, would that count? I’ve seen lots of people talk about strangling during sex on here, maybe something like that?

Absolutely. No means no.

Probably not be called a whore by her own husband?? Just a thought.

OP said it was just a new position, though. But it would be helpful to know what.

I had thought he called her a whore, not that he said she wasn't a whore, but perhaps I misread. I'll go back and check.

Edit: Re-read and I remember now - he said that he wasn't going to treat his wife like a whore, and some mention of degrading.

It's a little hard to imagine what position could have caused such a reaction.

Hoar? What's this, some sort of Elsa fetish?

Exactly my take!

He was more fun at uni because you weren't his wife! Now he expects you to wear ankle length floral dresses and lie on back five times a week while he enjoys himself. Anything else would be unseemely. You certainly shouldn't enjoy yourself or have any desires yourself.

Big. Fat. Misogynist.

I think i'd get a bit bored of missionary (or whatever) 5 x per week!

Actually it's not blatantly obvious at all. I did not get that from this post one bit.

Sounds like ball-emptying 5 times a week to me. What's degrading is a man shutting down anything he doesn't want and calling his wife 'silly' in lingerie!

Can you please list the things it's ok for my partner to call me a disgusting whore for suggesting? I don't know where the line is.

People saying 5 times a week what your complaint.. 5 times of what sounds like boring sex for op. So dh is getting off 5 times but not op.

Agree with others that anything spicy it's best to bring up outside the bedroom but different positions isn't unusual enough to want to discuss before.

Calling you a whore/degrading yourself I'd suspect is either porn/manosphere/deep religion. You need to have a serous sit down conversation with him. It's a bigger issue that sex. Partners should feel able to say no to new suggestions but a woman showing a sexual side shouldn't be shamed especially by her partner

We’re obviously not getting the whole story here.

Just enough to make the OP look like the hard done-by victim.

It’s blatantly obvious from the fact that the OP is being so vague that what she wanted him to do was to dominate her in some way and I would bet my house that she wanted him to call her, or treat her like a hoar.

But OP put just enough emotive language “he said I wasn’t a hoar” in there that she knew people would take her side and paint him as the bastard. Not least because he’s a man.

If the situation was the other way around and a woman came on here saying her husband had accused her of being too vanilla and was upset she’d refused to do something the unanimous response would be LTB.

I don't think the frequency tells the whole story, though. It's not normal for a man to react to his wife wearing nice lingerie by calling it "silly". 😮 Then there's the fact that he called her a whore for suggesting a different position. He doesn't sound as if he has a healthy attitude towards sex or his wife.

Using the word whore isn’t ok. You expressing that you’d like to try something different is. His reaction was bizarre. What did you want to do? Does he please you when you have sex or just worry about himself?

Enjoyed the wine, were cackling in the restaurant and on top of that, had a few drinks afterwards in a bar.

Is it possible that you drank more than usual and/or more than he did which made your suggestion sound very bold and took him by surprise?

Maybe the alcohol had the exact opposite effect on him and his libido to the effect it had on you and yours.

I think your marriage sounds very healthy OP, as long as you talk calmly about how his choice of words in the moment, came across to you.

5 times a week. You got nothing to worry about. Geez.
( what did you ask for?🤔)

I do think he had an odd response. Moreover, I also think it's REALLY strange that he thinks you wearing nice lingerie is "silly". The fact that he showers afterward, in the context of these other two things, makes me think that he does have a Madonna/whore complex or is a bit misogynistic. As in, "nice" women like his wife are not sexual. The other possibility - sorry - is that he's having an affair and is getting his share of down-and-dirty sex already. Wife for best, affair partner for the dirty stuff. A physical expression of the Madonna/whore complex.

I'm especially alarmed by the fact that he doesn't think you're alluring in sexy lingerie and calls it "silly". The other possibility is that he's gay, because that is NOT a normal male response to his wife making the effort to wear lingerie. Princess Diana said that Charles told her she looked ridiculous when she wore sexy lingerie to spice up their marriage. And look how young and gorgeous and slender she was at that time. It was a sign that he didn't love her.

Gosh, the majority of men would love to have a wife who wants to wear nice lingerie and experiment in bed a little.

It all feels as if he likes to make you feel a bit small.

Edit: Does he like to give you oral, or does he turn his nose up at that?