Am I right to feel hurt over those comments ???

Hard to say without knowing what you’d asked? Doggy or wheelbarrow very normal. Bondage and S and M for example may be too far for some people. All depends.

Your husband's reaction is a very interesting insight into how he sees you, OP. I'm not surprised you feel upset. He tried to humiliate you and shame you for suggesting a sexual act/position. There was no need - he could have said, 'no, I don't fancy doing that.' Fine to say no, but not fine to humiliate you.

I assume he called you a whore and shamed you, then had sex with you the way he wanted? Seriously, OP, I don't think you're overreacting, at all. It sounds like you need an honest, sober conversation about this.

He wasn't calling her a whore directly, to be accurate. Not that what he said was in any way ok.

I wonder if it's something he watches a lot of in porn so associates with that?

He sounds like he wants a tradwife

I know, but I thought it was more of a Boomer-era and before kind of thing. I thought we were more enlightened these days. Such a surprise to realise that some younger men are still out of the Ark.

I hate the use of the word 'vanilla' as something disparaging. It's a good flavour! And there's nothing wrong with not wanting 'kink'.

(and yes we are never going to hear what the position is. This is very Barry and Sheila...)

@AngelinaFibres Would you say to your husband that you’re not a whore?
Op’s husband declining is not the problem here, it’s the slut shaming that’s the problem.

From the post I would assume this is vaginal sex and not anal? If so his reaction is quite odd. I would be very upset for example if I suggested going on top and DH suggested I was a whore for thinking about this.

Well if I'd had a lovely evening with my husband and he said ' let's do anal'' I've bought a butt plug I'd like you to peg me' I'd have been shocked and the mood would have died on the spot.If he'd suggested it the day before, as an option to try on valentines I'd have said no . Did you suggest something like that. If I'd suggested anal to my husband he'd have been revolted. Anything bumhole based an absolute no.

Does your husband have a strict religious upbringing?

His choice of words seems to suggest that.

If so, then maybe you should have be been a little more subtle about how you sprung non-missionary sex (it's called missionary position for a reason! ) and role play on him.

Massive back story here I think

I don't think you're giving us the full story...

You have sex up to 5 times a week so it can't be that bad, which implies whatever you said to him took him by surprise and was quite out of character for you and probably something that would freak most people out.

Sounds like you have totally freaked your husband out and come across like some nymphomaniac!!

People have kids and sex sometimes/often becomes more vanilla. Or not at all!

Men have been the gatekeepers of women’s sexuality for centuries. Women’s sexual desire can be threatening for some (inadequate) men.
@BeNimblePeachDuck you haven’t done anything wrong. Wanting to try a new position is just that, wanting to try a new position. Sometimes a cheese sandwich is just a cheese sandwich.
Your husband’s reaction speaks volumes about him, he sounds insecure and misogynistic. Hold your head high, and give him his shame back.

We're not going to find out what the thing is

Without more context it’s hard to say if he is being unreasonable.

Because there wasn’t the usual leap to “what a bastard poor you op!!”

Honestly it depends on what you suggested.

I mean yeah it’s a well recognised thing - Madonna/Whore complex

All you can do is try to talk to him about these things outside of the bedroom so it’s not so reactive and in the moment.

What did you ask him to do? This is important.

not to be crude, but asking him to do a different position is very different to candle wax, whips and chains?!!!

That’s a complete drip feed that feels like you did it as the answers didn’t go the way you wanted.

did you suggest anal?

I mean without knowing what you wanted to do, no one can really give you advice. What is vanilla to one person is yuk to another. His reaction wasn't acceptable however. BTW, it might be best to discuss prior to starting, especially if it is a bit 'out there'. It can be off putting for either party.

Anal?

That should have been in the op. That is extreme and completely unacceptable of him. But posters wont see this before commenting so you wont get accurate opinions.

Do you orgasm with him? Is it good, just vanilla?

It's most definitely NOT a "middle-aged man thing", it's a 'your husband thing' 🤷
You've just got someone who's a bit stale and not open to trying something new. His loss, which he's making your loss.
It's fine for him to not be into whatever it is you want to try, and it's fine for him to voice that, but it's disappointing for you, and you will probably want to think about whether or not you're happy to live with a vanilla sex life or not.

So now, women that ask for certain things are disgusting whores?