Am I right to feel hurt over those comments ???

Im thinking it must have been really outrageous for him to use words like degrading and whore. however whatever you suggested the language he used is completely out of order.

Is he possibly having an affair? Uses the other woman for the 'naughty' stuff type thing?

Huh> as he didn’t want to do what ever you suggested in the bedroom you’re now thinking he’s cheating rather than he just didn’t want to do whatever you suggested.

thays the most insane thing I’ve ever read.

And still not saying what she wanted to do 😂

Smear an avocado on my lower portions!

Oooh she’s back lol

I doubt very much the OP wanted to try anal. That’s quite a jump and I wouldn’t say that’s ’changing positions’. It sounds much more likely that missionary has become the standard and that the OP fancied doggy for example. I doubt she’ll be back though as once the vipers bite most sensible people hide the thread and move on.

No i dont think thats what most posters are trying to do. Its not one rule for some and another rule for others. She didn't say what she asked him to do, she also only revealed at the end that he called a whole because she was giving the impression his 'vanilla' attitude was the issue and that she had been offended that he said about her not degrading herself which still isnt nice but its not the same as calling your wife a whore.
But you're not wrong in the sense that op hasnt done anything wrong by wanting to try new things with her husband, he has the right to say no but he does not have the right to call her names or be vile to her. That to me is the biggest problem . He has no right to treat op like this.

What on earth did you ask him to do if he called you a whore?!

I'm quite shocked by the responses to this OP. I wonder if she's disappeared as it's probably made her feel worse. The fact is that you suggested something and his response to that made you feel like you were shameful for thinking it. Nobody should be doing things they don't want to in bed but nobody should be making anyone else feel ridiculous or shamed for suggesting a different position, especially in such a long relationship. All this 'geez you have sex 5 times a week' stuff is just minimising how OP is feeling. Women should be allowed to talk about what they want in the sack without feeling dirty!

He has no right calling you those names.He has a sexual hang up somewhere in his psyche imo.
You should be able to talk about trying other things
That’s natural and normal
Sounds like he’s trying to shame you rather than admitting it’s him that’s hung up.

My bet is she suggested anal, they’ve not discussed that before and he doesn’t want to do it.

im not a hundred percent sure he said those things or in the derogatory way she has written it, just whatever she suggested he feels was degrading and he was trying to tell her he respected her more.

i think she’s embarassed she suggested whatever she suggested.

if she’s unhappy with their sex life, they need to discuss it. But whatever she suggested has taken him aback and clearly not something they’d discussed before,

What did you ask for??

If he said that to me, the five nights a week would grind to a complete halt over that remark!

That's true

But what he actually said about it needs discussion

@BeNimblePeachDuck is your 5 x week a bit 'wham, bam, thank you ma'am'?
Is it mutual? Is it exactly the same every time?

I cannot understand what could be shocking about a different position??? Are any positions shocking, are you just doing missionary 5 nights a week? I can understand other things may be shocking, but positions 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why can’t you say what is was op?

My best friend had a similar situation. When they first got together everything was great and both were open to exploring, gradually that changed to just my friend wanting to continue trying new things. Her then partner made her feel disgusting, wrong and like she was a weird person for wanting to re do some things they’d done. He’d buff her off and say she was acting desperate etc. Eventually she settled into the vanilla lifestyle and it was routine and regular. Suddenly he then wanted to try things again and she had to work through the feelings of it being wrong or disgusting. They did eventually split as it just wasn’t working xx

Sounds like he essentially shamed you for suggesting something new and that's not on. He doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want, a simple ‘I’m not keen on that idea’ suffices.

One question though. Sex five times a week sounds like a decent amount (more than most long-term couples), but if these are straight-up shags where he's the main one getting pleasure from them, then that's less desirable. Is he considerate of your needs?

I got the gist that most of the posters are acting like you’re a sex predator by wanting to try a different position with your husband. I get it. Don’t try and coerce someone into to doing something they don’t feel comfortable with. We are all onboard with that.

Moving that to one side I’m assuming you did used to be more adventurous sexually and since you became a wife and mother he decided to move you from whore to virgin which is annoying. You need to have a conversation with him outside the bedroom and hash out what has changed. It could well be his sexual desire, as the less turned on you are the less you’re inclined to be filthy in the bedroom.

If it’s bothering you it’s detrimental to the relationship and needs airing.

This is quite an extreme reaction, I certainly wouldn't be happy if my DH had said this to me 😕 it's fine to say I'm not comfortable doing X (whatever it is) but to imply that there's something inherently wrong with you for suggesting it is unacceptable imo. Is it something you can discuss with him in the cold light of day when emotions aren't running so high? It might be that this has highlighted a fundamental difference of values and expectations between you that needs addressing.

OP I completely hear you.

My exH had Madonna/Whore Complex. It’s very common. He would only have missionary sex with the lights off, and if I wore nice underwear or asked to leave the lights on or change position he’d make me out to be some kind of filthy sexual deviant and made me feel ashamed and worthless. Please Google it and see if it resonates.

(As an aside, it turned out that he was swinging from the chandeliers with numerous OW, but he could never have done that with me because I was the ‘Madonna’).

Hi op, i do understand his wording hurt your feelings but is this a case of you're his wife and he doesn't want to see you in a certain sexual light? I also dont think its ok to call him vanilla when you are offended at how he spoke to you. If a man was calling a woman this we would be outraged and whereas i do understand its not always the same in how we view these things when it comes to complaining about a man vs complaining about a women I honestly think you need to take this to your hubby and speak to him about how you felt in that moment and that hes your husband and its ok to try different things and that its not degrading you , if that's what his issue is. If his issue is related to him then you need to be respectful to him and find away for you both to be happy by talking things out at a separate time like another poster suggested.

Edited to say i just saw your last post about him calling you a whore which is completely unacceptable but your first post did not indicate any such convo had taken place, why did you leave this out but disclose it afterwards? You are complaining that hes vanilla as you put it but he called you a whore you should be more outraged at this to be honest.

Typo for food im assuming.

Op without knowing what you asked is dependant on my answer. However both are entitled to have opinions on sex and what kind of sex turns you on. Its going to need a conversation. 5 times a week is above average but if its 5 times a week always in same position then that to me, would be boring.