Am I right to feel hurt over those comments ???

changing positions has always been an organic thing for me in any relationship i've had, i've never asked or been asked to do that.

You have your reasons for thinking he could be cheating, maybe he is or he isn't who knows? that's an avenue you would need to explore.

Bloody hell OP what did you ask him to do? 😭

I don’t think your marriage is in trouble, I do think maybe springing it on him in the moment made him stressed and that’s why you got the reaction you did - I understand why you feel awkward and embarrassed though. I think maybe you’re overthinking this one incident a little bit and you should take a step back, give it a few days, and then have a calm talk with him about it. Ask if there’s anything he would like to do, tell him that his response made you anxious and you’re sorry if you made him uncomfortable but that wasn’t your intention.

In what normal sex life would you have to communicate that you might go on top half way through? In every relationship I've ever had changing of positions either happens spontaneously or one of us will suggest it and it either happens or doesn't. Not once have I had to schedule moving positions before sex even starts.

hi op partly it's bc this was posted in aibu, you might get more measured replies if it is moved to relationships etc. did he apologise for his use of language? that's more degrading to the marriage than just a (fairly standard tbf) change of position.

Op, you definitely not wrong for having this convo with him. Its not my place to determine what is acceptable for someone' in the bedroom but you're his wife and you have the right to ask. He did not have the right to shame you.

Personally the way he spoke to you and called you names is disgusting. I think you should speak to him and let him know this. good luck and I hope he says sorry and acts better.

Him calling you names is completely uncalled for and inappropriate. Obviously he doesn't have to do anything sexually that he feels uncomfortable with but he could communicate that respectfully. Doggy style and going on top are hardly "out there" and I think a normal part of most people's sex lives. I'm not surprised you wanted something to spice things up!

That’s incredibly tame compared to some of the suggestions on here. If you said that to start with you’d probably have had different responses. Absolutely nothing wrong with that and a strong conversation with your husband is required over the lack of variety in your sex life if you’re doing it 5 times a week. I’d be bored too. He may be having an affair and getting something more exciting elsewhere. Or he may just be dull. Either way it should work for you both and you need to discuss it outside of the bedroom.

Quite.

This, OP. You should have communicated this prior to actually being in bed. Especially if it's very different from what you usually do.
I would have been taken aback, too. It's obviously OK to want more, though.

Speak to him in a calmer moment about wanting to try something new and work up to it together. If he's completely against what you want, you need to decide what's more important. But no one should do anything sexually that they're not comfortable with. Men or women.

I think he might have just been caught on the spot; however, what he said was more than unkind.

A frank conversation is needed and assert that you won't be made to feel shameful for wanting something different. You are not forcing him into it, and you respect he said no but he has to respect that you would like different things.

Again it doesn't mean you are forcing him into it you would just like to be heard.

My DH had a five year affair while we were having boring, perfunctory sex every single day. I felt like an idiot because like lots of women, I foolishly believed that he couldn’t possibly ever be unfaithful because we were having sex so often. Affairs are not just undertaken by men in sex-starved marriages.

Men who separate sex and love will still “make love” (ie. have boring sex) to their wives (Madonnas), but crave exciting sex from their affair partners (their “whores”). If their wife wants exciting sex they immediately see that as “whorish” behaviour. They can’t bear to acknowledge that their wife has a sexuality. They want their wives to be virginal and pure.

So he allegedly called you a whore and now you suspect cheating, all because he didn’t want to do this mysterious act that you won’t discuss on here.

OP, in all seriousness, I get that it can be disheartening to not get the support you want on here, but going to those extremes when your OP said nothing of the sort does sound like you’re just trying to drum up support now, and that’s pointless if you’re not going to post sincerely.

Crikey I thought youd suggested he deep throat you with the cat watching.

He said being on top/doggy is degrading you and called you a whore? Fucking hell 😳

He's quite a stud if he's having sex with you 5 days a week and has a mistress as well.

That seems like a big leap from what you've told us.

6 pages and still no mention of what you asked him to do.

No, it's really not insane and several posters have suggested it could be the case. Men often act in this sort of way when they're having an affair, it's been explained several times on here why that's the case.

I think the words he used to you are disgraceful OP, whatever you suggested to do. Why on earth would he call you a whore??!!! But what has led you to believe he may be seeing another woman when you are having sex 5 times a week?

Blimey. Now he's cheating on you? This is becoming quite a drip feed...

Yeah and saying no doesn't involve using the word whore towards your wife...

Just say what it is you asked him to do! There’s nothing to be remotely ashamed of and it is relevant!