Am I right to feel hurt over those comments ???

……we decided to have a night to ourselves on Friday. He booked a lovely restaurant, enjoyed the phone and we had a great time , we were cackling in the restaurant then we had a few drinks at a bar afterward, and then went home.

OP, this doesn't sound to me, like a husband who is cheating or doesn’t want to be with you.

Tell him you need to talk to him and then tell him why you think he may be having sex with someone else.
I know you are smarting from his poor use of words the other night but the only way you are going to settle this dilemma in your mind, is to talk to him and see how he responds.

Trust your gut OP.

Doggy/on top is bog standard stuff. It's not swinging from the chandelier. Don't let your partner or anyone on here tell you otherwise or shame you for it. I'm not saying he's obliged to do it obviously but it really isn't in any way 'out there'.

Um no, I’m not sure why you responded as you did. I simply asked politely why you thought he was having an affair as he wasn’t doing doggy or her on top. I cannot fathom the link, but my view is different, as I don’t see this as kinky stuff.

Do you think it's normal for a man to call his wife a whore for suggesting doggy style / her on top (both of which are very normal sex positions)?

There are not many men in this world who, if their wife suggested being fucked from behind, would be outraged.

The two (known) exceptions being that he's hugely religious and believes that anything outside of missionary is "dirty" and he doesn't want to taint his marriage with something so seedy (!). Or (as the OP herself thinks) he's having an affair / shagging sex workers and therefore engages in far kinkier sex with them, saving his wife for the good old missionary position.

www.refinery29.com/en-gb/what-is-madonna-whore-complex

I don’t get the link between not wanting to do these positions means you’re having an affair, can you explain?

I've read all of your posts @BeNimblePeachDuck but just wanted to clarify... You wanted to switch to doggy / you on top whilst having sex and your husband called you a whore for suggesting it?

Neither of those positions are even remotely kinky so something isn't right here...

If this is what happened then (in my opinion) there are only two valid reasons. He's either extremely religious / puritanical or, as others have said, he's having sex elsewhere.

Those are both completely normal vanilla sex positions!!!! Missionary 5 times a week would bore me..

Ok that’s a drip feed, so basically he doesn’t want to do anything past missionary and said it was degrading to you? But you have sex 5 times a week ?

im going to ask a difficult question, are you in a shape he finds attractive, the only thing I can think of is both doggy and you on top makes your body more visible, and if he didn’t use to be like this before, then something changed, missionary he doesn’t see you other than arguably your face. Could there be a physical attraction issue?

Oh wow. That's not ok.

Him being 'uncomfortable' with trying something is completely ok.
Him calling you a 'whore' for suggesting it is absolutely not ok. You are married to each other; you're allowed to make suggestions that you might want to try without him trying to degrade and shame you for it.

I'd be deeply unhappy with him. You have nothing to feel ashamed of but he should. This needs to be addressed.

I'm not saying he's cheating, but I had a casual thing with a guy once, absolutely wild sex, and I found out he had a long term partner (I genuinely didn't know until she contacted me). When we spoke about him, I thought we were talking about a completely different person, to her he was a missionary, lights off, twice a week type. I never really understood why he was such different ends of the spectrum depending on who he was with - but PP mentioning the Madonna/whore thing does kind of make sense.

Maybe he is trying to knock your confidence ?
Have no idea why thou !
Maybe he is cheating and thinks u might ?
And if he can knock your confidence then u won't cheat ? God knows it does seem strange comment to make to u ? Obviously doggy style and being on top is just a sexual position it's nothing overly obsene just seems over the top reaction on his part I'm not surprised u feeling hurt x

Do you have any other reason to suspect though? Does he have the time/opportunity? Sex workers are another possibility but I still think porn is more likely.
He's highly unlikely to just admit it if there is something going on and asking him outright will mean he covers his tracks more carefully. Maybe ask to borrow his phone and see how that goes.

And I’m sorry you’re going through it. 💐 I’m also sorry that you’ve been given such a hard time on here by women who don’t understand that you’d be reluctant to state what it was you wanted from your DH when you were so badly shamed by him the last time you said it.

You could ask him, but 99% he will just deny it. But you do need to talk to him. Explain how it makes you feel. Maybe suggest sex therapy for you both. If he is absolutely resistant and happy with the status quo, you have a decision to make.

Being honest, I’d play my cards close to my chest for a bit longer and see if you can find any evidence of an affair. I discovered my ex’s by checking his phone bill. I found a number he called regularly that I didn’t recognise. So I saved it in my phone and found her on WhatsApp. Good luck x

Could it be as he’s getting older he’s struggling to maintain an erection and the change in position could have caused him problems?

I would have been really offended and upset if my DH said those things to me. Whilst no one has to do anything in bed they don’t want to, I think communication is key to a good sexlife. I like to know what turns my DH on even if I don’t fancy doing it in that moment (or at all). And he’s the same towards me. Neither of us are afraid to be ourselves and communicating that doesn’t mean you are pressuring the other person as long as you don’t get upset or sulk if you don’t get it.

What are other signs he is cheating? Phone glued to him? Work trips increased?

I wouldn’t assume cheating but more he’s boring in bed and bad at communicating.

I don’t know why users are playing dumb and going out of their way to not understand your concerns, they’re pretty valid even if you had gasp! suggested anal.

Like someone else said there’s definitely a madonna/whore complex going on. I wouldn’t say anything right now but I’d be digging to see if he’s either having an affair or watching too much porn. Your sexual interests don’t just disappear, he wouldn’t have suddenly turned vanilla overnight - he has to be getting his supply in one way or another.

Plus the nerve of saying he doesn’t want to degrade you, as if using you as a pump and dump doll 5x week with no interest in your pleasure isn’t using you. Some men…

How old are you both?

It’s different perspectives. I yearned for a vanilla sex life with a vanilla guy because I was tired of swinging from the chandelier with my ex.

Think of it this way, if a man got stroppy and offended because his wife didn’t want to get spicier, despite plenty of sex, would we be supporting him?

He does seem to have gone strangely puritanical if he thinks you going on top is somehow whorish.

If you're having sex 5 times a week though then an affair on top seems like a lot. I think it's more likely that he's getting the 'whorish' stuff from porn rather than an affair.

I think expecting them not to shame you for the suggestions with words such as degrading and whore is fair. Just a simple, 'that's not for me' would be fine, the way the OPs husband has acted is not okay.