Am I right to feel hurt over those comments ???

6k on a bracelet is insane.
i was in a similar puritanical situation and it transpired he was a huge porn fan. It killed my confidence.
This sounds like another
woman if he’s buying stuff though.
if he’s so horrible and you’re pretty sure he’s cheating then you really need to stop destroying yourself in this relationship, stop offering yourself up as a sacrifice, get over him and in time find someone who will appreciate you and your sexuality.

6k on a bracelet?
Keep careful note of all monies as in divorece he is draining his by spending like that.

I'm so sorry op, but your marriage is long over.
Get chdcked fof STI's.

Get legsl advice.
Get therapy for dupport.
Tell your friends and fsmily.
Take the support.

This is on him, not you.
You are blaming yourself for too much.
Stopping a PhD?
Lots of people stop them through being just too busy with life and family.
A miscarriage is NOT your fault either.
Divorce from a cheating piece of shit is NOT your failure either.

We are here for you.

Did his "puritanical" attitude towards sex with you arrive after you gave birth?

The only failure in this is your husband. You are obviously an intelligent and caring woman (in a position to do a phd and your thoughts are for your children in this situation). You have the information you need now, do what is best for you and your children and move on. You deserve so much better than this and you will get it if you can find the strength to move forward.

And now the OW is a sex worker? It's all got pretty confusing.

Well this thread is one hell of a drip feed.

Now we have some back story it's obvious that your marriage has been failing for some time and you've been trying to spice up your sex life to win him back from another woman who you are sure is in his life. It seems clear, unless there's more to tell, that the marriage is over.

I hope when the dust settles that you find yourself in a much better place.

Its clear you're in a sad place right now, and I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. None of the things you listed indicate that you have failed. They are sad, frustrating and unfortunate things.
You haven't spoken to your DH by the sounds of it, so you dont actually know yet whether he is cheating, let alone with sex workers. You dont tend to buy a £6k bracelet for a sex worker. I think your opinion might have been coloured by the whore/Madonna stuff earlier in the thread.
Please think about seeing the GP and either getting some talking therapy or even meds to help just now. You are blaming yourself for lots of things which indicates you might need a little help to feel better. You may also be ruminating on different things about your relationship and getting trapped in some circular thinking. Are you planning on speaking to your DH about any of this?

If that was the case then why create this thread asking if she was unreasonable for suggesting a new position to her DH. The whole story seems farfetched and the post seems to have moved a few times now with extra details added when the thread wasn't going her way.

Now we're talking about her DH spending £6k on gifts for who he is supposedly cheating with etc.

@BeNimblePeachDuck if all you're saying is true then why are you spending so much time analyzing his reaction to your suggestion?

I think I get what you were doing. You had this info about the purchases but you wanted to see if the sex thing was also evidence of cheating, and you wouldn't have been able to gauge that properly if you shared about the purchases up front. But it has made it a bit confusing to follow! First thing I would do is take £6k out of any joint money you have and save it away. If he's flush enough to treat his mistress to that amount, then he's flush enough to treat you too. That money will be really useful when you come to leave and get on your feet for paying for solicitors etc. Let him cover that as a 'gift' to you!

I feel sorry that you are so depressed about your suspicions OP but you would have had much better advice from the beginning if you had given all the facts in your original post.

It’s been quite a developing story hasn’t it.

We have gone from always having a great marriage with a very regular sex life and a wonderful night out together last weekend to upset and confusion over his poor remarks and attitude in bed, all in one post.

We then learn about you having tried to liven things up with the purchase of new lingerie and suddenly at the same time, evidence of his cheating by way of him buying lingerie and a 6k bracelet, - but not for you. And the story quickly develops onto the marriage is already over anyway and you just want to get it done with, buy your own house and start to co-parent properly. Phew !

Why bother asking if you are right to be hurt, when you are already half way out of the door without a single conversation about any of it with him.

Oh I just read your update. Why would you then care at all about spicing things up in the bedroom if you’re planning on separating?

His comments are unacceptable. It’s fine that he doesn’t like your suggestions but to make you feel ashamed of them is a step too far.

The creativity ball (haha) is now firmly in his court, he needs to let you know which positions he’d be happy with. Buy a Kama Sutra book and ask him to look through and mark the positions - that align with respecting your marriage and he’d be happy to try.

I notice you've edited your post to add in that he spent £6k on a bracelet that you didnt receive too. Was that a typo? As in six thousand pounds on a bracelet you didnt receive, and that didn't make you worried? I am quite surprised that you were able to put the lingerie and bracelet to the back of your mind and carry on having sex with this guy! I think these are the things you need to be talking to him about, the sex position is a smaller piece of the puzzle.

OP your husband sounds really awful. The things he’s said to you are just horrible, completely unacceptable. It’s normal to try different positions in bed, and for most people it’s a lovely thing to be surprised by your wife on your birthday wearing lingerie. Even if it wasn’t what worked for him, there are absolutely no excuses for speaking to you in such a vile way when you’d tried to do something nice for him. He is crushing your confidence and behaving abusively.

From what you’ve said, it does sound like an affair. I know it’s impossible not to constantly ask yourself why all this is happening, but I think you need to focus on the fact that regardless of the reason, it is happening. You shouldn’t have to live like this, and you don’t deserve to be treated like this. As others have said, do screenshot the evidence, but most importantly start working out how you’re going to get out of this relationship that’s making you so dreadfully unhappy.

I'd be screenshotting his Amazon orders list.... bring it to the divorce solicitor when you finally make the appointment

Honestly?

I'd be done with him.

How awful. i'm sorry someone who trusted could treat you so horribly

I am sorry OP. Buying lingerie and not for you is clearly a sign that he is up to no good. Just as a thought, check the size on the lingerie. Is he buying it for himself?

If he bought lingerie, and didnt give it to you, then he is definitely cheating and you need to leave. Dont even think twice at this point. Take a screenshot, send it to yourself to remind you why you are doing this, see a solicitor, and make your plan. Dont let him say another bad thing about you and ruin your confidence anymore.

OK, so he's generally treating you badly lately, which is new for him and he's purchased lingerie online that wasn't for you. Correct?