Help me deter neighbours

I think going out and taking photos each time is a good shout. Make sure they see you, take photos, check time and write in a little book. Then get friend in high vis to come over

It’s legal to park across a dropped kerb too but only if there’s no car on the driveway.

When they're around, stand out the front of your house with binoculars, aimed right at them. Maybe get a notepad and pen and start 'writing' stuff down at the same time.
You want to look a bit unhinged, and like you're 'planning' something.
Just enough so that they think maybe it's safer not to mess with you.

Wear a cloak with the hood up. Hold some sort of branch creation such as a cross in a circle and stand looking at their window. Ideally in darkness. Chant some sort of garbled nonsense. When they see you give them the old David Blane hand gesture eye on the palm.

Go out dressed as a witch, paint pentangles next to the car and in front of their houses. Put fake blood inside the pentangles. Do a weird dance while chanting and pointing at the car and their houses. If they ask what you're doing, tell them you're practising because you keep getting your spells wrong, hence the "blood".

Take photos of their cars every time. Eventually they'll see you doing this.

It is very annoying.

Erm, major faux pas @Claytonclogs posting without a hand-drawn diagram.
Surely, you're aware of this (unwritten) rule?
Tsk, tsk.

Or your lion costume

Well I'm interested in buying a house that may have a similar set-up (a narrow lane, with parking areas for some of the houses but not others, particularly not the one I'm interested in), The Estate Agent's description has this

"The lane is common land the neighbour has previously agreed to parking one car on the lane closet to the main road
There are no parking arrangements on the deeds"

I don't like the idea of my parking being on the sufferance of a neighbour. Any ideas? Perhaps this is why the house is very cheap.

Yes, go full mad. Like, leave a ‘sorry’ card for them saying their friend dropped round to explain the neighbour’s ‘special circumstances’ for them having to leave their car there, and that you’d had had no idea about their ‘challenges.’ How you totally understand now and are so sorry they felt too embarrassed to share. Say your great aunt has ‘suffered’ with the same and so you understand.

I agree with the suggestion of having the conversation with them, including mentioning you see a connection between your loft conversion and their petty behaviour now.
I gather that in the UK formal complaints/issues between neighbours need to be notified when a house is put on the market - I may have the detail incorrect. If this is the case, ask if they are thinking of ever listing their houses as a formal complaint about their parking behaviour may make it difficult for them to sell.

This old thread sprang to mind for me too!
I was a bit over invested in that one at the time.

Buy yourself a black robe and wand and piece of chalk 5 candles. Draw a large pentagram on your drive candle at each point. Start chanting point wand skyward then spin round and point wand at their car. Laugh throw hands up to sky praise the goddess of justice. Get an incense burner walk round your drive swinging it wearing your robe chanting swing it 3 times in front of their car

chants Diagram! Diagram! Diagram!

If you have the balls, park your car on their drive! They can’t legally do anything, and they aren’t allowed to block you in on their drive! They’ll soon get the message 😆

But where is the diagram?

The only logical solution is to buy yourself a banger with a years MOT. Tax it, insure it for 500 miles, and park it on their drive in the dead of night. It doesn’t sound like they’re using it. And then instead of trying to get on your drive, just park next to them. You need to meet them at their level of petty.

I'm loving this thread

Just park in front of your drive.

Large delivery of horse mature - in the lane opposite your drive. For the garden, of course.

Then feign a bad back - meaning you’re unable to move it. Bad backs can go on for months.

I have a very similar issue! I hate my neighbours on both sides. Partner and I are so considerate to them, would always drop round prosecco for Christmas (stopped now though), we are VERY quiet (no kids) and my partner helps the woman on one side of us out all the time, even though she's an ungrateful alcoholic who later always denies he ever helped her, and blares party music all day long. She doesn't work.

After her latest charade, I decided I had had enough of her, and of the guy on the other side of us. He's also unemployed and so noisy, constantly tinkering with some old car or van outside our door, and steals our private car spaces all the time.

I have now stopped smiling at them when I step outside, mutter to myself, grumble, if there's any rubbish on the ground, I'll look around and yell "if I don't throw this away, no one will!" When I wheel out the bins every week, I make as much noise as possible, lifting the lid and slamming it down really hard. I actively now WANT to come across as a little unhinged and not to be toyed with. That is so against my natural personality, but you have to understand how very annoying these people are (it sounds like you do! Your neighbours sound disgusting). That's what I do. I've only just started so it remains to be seen how it works!

If you can’t get in your driveway, park in their driveway or block them in. When they ask you to move it, say oh sorry I got confused but unfortunately I’ve had a bottle of wine, I’ll move it tomorrow. There is no police involvement for parking in someone’s driveway as it’s a civil matter.

I vote for a friend in a high vi's spray painting some yellow dashes etc. Make them think you are doing something else. Any way you can get something massive like loads of top soil or sand delivered that overhangs your drive a bit?

I love this and I don't know why but your username makes me laugh.

Nahh you should start drawing the outlines of a body…or two 😆