Help me deter neighbours

This.

all the nonsense might be funny to think about doing, but if you actually want it resolved. Do this.

Sorry if this has already been mentioned, but can you reverse in? You have more manoeuvrability in reverse, so need less room.

There's also a website. You park like a cunt .com . Upload a pic of their car numberplate included. And send them the website address in the card alongside that glitter bomb.

If you do park a cheap car outside their house to annoy them, spray paint a couple of panels completely different colours to the car and get some shattered glass window film for a few of the windows so it looks like a right eyesore. They will explode with the long term frustration of not being able to have the "abandoned car" removed because it's road legal. If they say anything, offer to swap places with them so it's parked opposite you and they don't have to look at it.

You need to put the shits up them!

Get a cardboard cut out of Pennywise from IT and stand it in the front window. Every time they park there, go out and leave a single red helium balloon tied to their wipers.

Can you pick up your house WiFi from them lane? Connect a Bluetooth speaker and every time they park there play eerie sounds when they are at their cars. Buy up dolls from charity shops and up their heads on branches. When the neighbours are outside, start up the speak playing Ring A Ring A Roses followed by a cackling witch.

Cover the car in post it’s with “You park like a dick” on every one

Are there any WW2 battle reenactment groups nearby that are looking for long term parking for a tank or two ?

Could you just park across your drive so that you don't have to do any manoeuvring when you leave?

Every time they park there and you have to go and see them, don't mention the car. Witter on and on for as long as possible about banal and pointless stuff. Ask questions about their gardens, their decor, what they think happened to all the unicorns. The longer you can go on, the better. Make them bring up the car and then act nonplussed but if they want to move it, all right. Keep it up when you see them in passing. Talk to anyone that lives with them or visits. They'll not want to be bothered by you after a few times

If they’re parking after you’ve left for work presumably they’re at home for more hours than you. Life must be quiet and peaceful for them while you’re out earning a crust. Our local FB page has people complaining about filled charity bags or wheelie bins left out for days, music blaring out, high powered security lights which stay on from dusk to dawn. Just saying.

If they have a driveway just park on their drive outside their house. Then sit in the car and toot the horn very loudly for one minute straight. Put a big sign in front of the windscreen in front over the steering wheel which says "stop blocking my driveway entrance". Get out the car, leave it there and walk off.

Come back at 9pm, toot the car horn for a minute again and then rev the engine aggressively with all the lights on. Get out the car and walk off.

Come back at 7am toot the car horn for a minute, put some earplugs in and play really loud shit music with the window down. Get out the car and walk off.

Come back when they have finished work (or 2pm) at a weekend toot the car horn for a minute again, put some earplugs in and then play radio 4 really really loudly. Rev the engine aggressively.

Reverse the car out the driveway and park on the other neighbours drive, repeat same process.

They are not parking across the drive
They are parking on the other side of the road. OP just hasn’t got room to swing in.
Highways won’t do anything as it currently stands because the neighbours are within their rights. As has been said OP could ask for yellow lines. They might not allow it obviously.

Can you arrange for a tow truck to arrive and even have it towed away?

its sad though that it gets this response. I was very very high fucnitoing until a complete catastrophic psychotic breakdwon when I submitted my PHD. it devoted my life and I lost everythign. one dyad been giving a lecture and then a few days later I was delusional. my life has never been the same. I was hugely respected and well known befroe and lost so many friends that id had for 25 years or so. its terrible and my marriage is so so hard.

Call 101 or Highways if they’re stopping you accessing your property (drive)

Put on local Facebook page that you’re requesting double yellows due to inconsiderate parking. That might make them stop. Or requesting a Keep Clear.

I would also park outside their house all the time.

You know you can anonymously get glitter bombs delivered right?

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaas
a real old unsightly banger

They are parking opposite the drive. Other side of the road making it difficult to swerve in.

This is genius. Buy a cheap car. Do as this wise lady says!! X

my neighbours daughter passed her driving test then started parking over my dropped kerb making it hard to get in my drive, i spoke to her she did not evan know what a dropped kerb was, i said it was not my fault they had 3 cars and only one drive, that was 2 years ago she has not spoken to me since, my point is neighbours get upset about something small and keep it going, daft but true, you have had some good ideas on here off people good luck,how about the council getting lines put on the area,

Can't you just lean on your horn until they appear and move their vehicle? The more neighbours know why - the better. Of course this only works if they are there.

Can u install those bollards that u need to unlock when u come home.

Can you just park on their drives each day if you can’t get into yours?

Read "the lady in the van" by Alan Bennett for inspo

If I was angry enough I’d park my car in their driveway.