Help me deter neighbours

Do they know what you do for a living OP? If not, get yourself a hi-vi jacket with POLICE written on the back and wear it with some black trousers. Walk around the offending car whilst wearing it, making little notes in a notebook. Bonus points if you attach a fake radio/phone to the lapel and loudly "report" the vehicle in to your colleagues. Say things like "how soon can they get the tow truck here?"

Speak to your council about parking restrictions

I’m not convinced that you appearing “bizarre and wildly unhinged” is going to help you. If ever a complaint was made about anything in your neighbourhood then you would be reported as being a bit odd.
Are you in a position not to have to drive your car for a while? If so park your own car opposite your driveway or better still across your own driveway.
Some neighbours are selfish arseholes with nothing else better to do than to cause misery for others,

Lots of people suggesting OP just block THEIR drives from the lane when she did specifically say she wasn't interested in doing that ...

and we really don't need a diagram! They're not always necessary ... I thought her description was pretty clear - it's a very narrow lane with a dead end, and her house is right at the end of it but to the side rather than facing onto the dead end, so if someone parks on the lane on front of her drive, they're essentially blocking the entire lane, but 'doesn't matter' because it's the end of the lane ... if she parks further down, opposite their drives, she's blocking the lane herself which I assume would have legality issues as you then can't access the rest of the lane behind her car, even if it's not a through-road.

I used to take a wrong turn in a local small town when looking for a friend's house, it was a sort of mental glitch. The wrong turn was an extremely narrow lane as OP describes, houses on one side and nobody parked on the lane because it would entirely block the lane. There were signs saying NO TURNING (which obviously I'd not noticed ) because basically you couldn't turn unless using someone's drive. Otherwise you'd have to back out all the way. This is the sort of set-up I'm imagining here.

If OP ever comes back to her thread, I think she should invent an imaginary political party and have some big posters and signs printed, with her face on as candidate. Stick them up in your garden overlooking the lane. Maybe some fliers too, to tuck under the wipers of the neighbours' cars when they park there ...

I really like this one. You could easily just be throwing it and some accidentally land on cars .

Personally if you can get away with it camera wise . I would start having a little walk in your rd whist the spot they park to block you is empty . And casually and stealthy drop some tacks or similar. After a few times of them having to repair tyres they may stop.
If they cant prove its you you would have nothing to worry about .
I dont usually advise such behaviour. But two adult women blatantly bullying you daily deserves it .

@Clementine12 This! It’s the only thing that works. Mine were so confused and aggrieved when I did this. It was like they couldn’t make the connection.

Tell them not to worry if they see a mountain of a man around your house - your brother is coming to live with you until he gets back on his feet after being in prison.

Park right outside their property every single day that you can’t get on your drive. Just leave your car there.
Don’t even knock and ask them to move their car. Just park straight outside their house.

similar issue where I am but with a large van that parks on the road and part on the pavement, but van overhangs the drop kerb by 2/3 feet making getting into drive v difficult sometimes impossible. I bought a cheap car looked for something cheap to tax and insure now its parked on the road. when I bought it I took it to my brothers house and we valeted it so it looks nice, it gets moved and turned around every day or so. Neighbours where also getting fed up with the van and think its great fun.

if the neighbours have visitors its moved so they can park and moved back afterwards.

OP isn’t going to do anything.

Just pretend you’re casting spells in the road outside their house. Get a load of herbs and blow it into the wind and kneel on a rug and mutter spells into the air. If it’s raining all the better. Wear a flimsy dress

This might work, unfortunately

Lion idea wins.

I’ve no beef with my neighbours but might do this anyway, just for bants.

They're not their...I'm still half asleep!

Exactly, their causing an obstruction.

Slugs and snails on the windscreen in the summer are disgusting.. and could have got there naturally.,

There are data protection rules about filming people who are off your property/on the public road. So maybe deliberately buy a broken camera (sold for parts on eBay). It''s much cheaper and if they report you for filming....you can show it's a dummy for deterrent purposes!

I know i have bpd which is stigmatised but schizophrenia is definitely stigmatised more. People are afraid of what they don't understand. I have a friend who has schizophrenia and he's one of the nicest people I know but the way he gets treated by others sometimes is awful. This is why I knew it would work with my neighbours

Put traffic cones in the spot but paint them in that stinky salmon oil that dogs love. Every time they try to move them paint them in something else: ink, anti theft paint, days-old takeaway. Or thick, strong glue - you can enjoy watching them struggle with everyday tasks with their new traffic-cone hands.

Wondering the same thing!

This is where driving a very old crappy beaten up car comes in handy

You would be surprised at how people react when they know you don’t care about your car and it is heading towards their precious shiny one because they have decided to park where they shouldn’t

This ^

Or, alternatively, scatter breadcrumbs on the roof of their car.

This really is harassment,and you shouldn't have to put up with it. A mild start would be the old birdseed scattered over their car.

Park nasty crappy vehicle outside your house or one of their houses. Under cover of darkness sprinkle wild bird seed all over it. Birds will crap as they eat the seeds and make it look even worse. Or sprinkle the bird seed over their cars. After all, birds are an act of god.