Help me deter neighbours

https://youtube.com/shorts/EWBGN55YbfQ?si=vdq_jdqGNU43AaR-

this response would be perfect. There is a rainy day version somewhere but couldn’t find it.

Parking across your drive as pp person says will also fix it.

I would just park in the front of your drive as you seem to be the last house so no one needs to get past?

Really need a diagram.

The quickest way to stop someone parking in a particular spot is to position a dog shit where they get in/out. Once they’ve walked shit into their house or car a few times they will move.

the film with Maggie Smith is brilliant.

If you're not prepared to play them at their own game, nothing is going to change.

Pose in front of the car and take ridiculous selfies. Dress up, hold cuddly toys, be as daft as possible, but don’t touch the actual car. Delete the photos or save them up and make up a little online story about the car’s daily adventures. Either way it will drive them slightly crackers because they won’t know what you’re doing and because you’re not touching the car, they can’t stop you. 😈

I think we need a diagram

This - park your own car there, v clever! Just smile if they complain. After a few days, move it to test if they've learned their lesson.

I think you just need to make it as unpleasant a task as possible for them to go out and make the effort to park there. So stickiness would be the way I would go. If it wasn't raining, syrup on the ground next to the drivers door. Maybe some on the handle. Or butter. Maybe some chewed chewing gum would be irritating. Or engine oil. Just stuff that its annoying to have to clean off your hands and shoes every day.

I suppose as retirees they need a hobby and blocking your drive has become theirs so it will be a battle of wills.

Go around with religious/ cult leaflets. You are starting a local branch and looking for funding / recruit new members.

Cheery woohoo & a wave when you see them then pop over with more leaflets when they park - you could see the car parked so you knew they were in 🤣🤣

Go next level with it being a therapy recommendation

Not sure if neighbour is genuine or tactical but works for her !

No way! This is absolutely brilliant!

> scattering their car with leaves or petals

Or birdseed?

Find the same make of their car, but with a dent in it. Post a pic of the car on a local fb group obviously without the reg plate or other identifying features showing. Post saying you've seen this car parked badly - does anyone know whose it is? This will wind them up.

Can you not just sit there and honk... a long, loud continuous honk until they move? Every single time? Or honk out well known rhythms, but leave them unfinished? Daa da da daa da, _.

Are they living alone? Or with more reasonable people you could corner?

I would be outside with a clipboard and a tape measure. Make some random measurements, write them down, take some photos and then talk into your phone but held in front of your face but quiet enough so they cannot hear or make noises that are not in English. They will wonder who you are making these notes for.

Stand completely still and just stare off at something on their car like their tyre so they think something in wrong with their tyre or you are contemplating doing something to their tyre.

The alternative is to actually do something proactive that sees them not park there. You could buy the cheapest scrap car you can and park it so they cannot park behind it and it allows you access to your drive.

Get a doorbell camera, they can record all the time not just when they detect movement.

This.

The OP rules out anything meaningful to settle for jokes. A wind-up.

This. Make sure you mention that it happens most days, so that the council don’t think that it’s just once in a while.

Or just get a little old mini and park it there.

You can't be serious?

I’m pretty sure that the data protection only applies to other people’s houses and gardens, not public roads. When a neighbour was burgled, the police asked everyone on our street for any footage of the road from ring doorbells or security cameras. They used the footage to identify and prosecute the burglars.

Get a port-a-loo install on your drive for no reason... blocking their way but also looking terrible.
I also burn sage on the doorstep to cleans the evil air from my neighbour - total bollocks but looks weird.

Can you widen the drive so you don't need to turn so much?

If the track is narrow and you live at the end why not park on the road too?? Seemingly there’d be no one wanting to drive beyond your house anyway AND I’d be tempted to ensure that my near side (passenger side) was SO close to their off side (drivers side) that they wouldn’t be able to open the drivers door.

I'm loving some of the previous comments though…….might try a few where I live - few parking issues but some of the neighbours are just so precious about their gardens and houses and they hate to think anyone’s having work done that they haven’t had done already!

I’d put shit on the car door handles. See how they like cleaning that everytime